- If you don’t know how deep the water is, don’t dive in.
56a Oh, and don’t mess with Chuck Norris. Someone had to day it!
mm
You caught something…from a body?
That can’t be good.
When working the chipper house alone and the chipper jams, wait for your co-worker to return from break to help you unclog it. Do not jump down onto the jam to dislodge it.
The flip side is if the chipper is mysteriously turned off and your co-worker is missing when you return from your break, do not turn the chipper back on without ascertaining the location of your co-worker first.
Not that this will kill you, but it’s damned unpleasant:
#57 No matter how much homework you have or how sick you feel, do not alternate shots of espresso and Pepto-Bismol.
(former engineering student)
#58. If your high school chemistry teacher happens to be called out of the room for a few minutes, don’t stand near the guy who wonders what would happen if he mixed all the chemicals in the lab.
These are based upon the X-ray reports I read daily.
#59. Do not jump out of a moving vehicle. It may run over your head before you get clear.
#60. If you cannot afford health insurance, it is unwise to spend your money instead on a 4-wheel all-terrain vehicle. Get the insurance first; someday you’ll be glad you have it. (To date, # of ATV-related accidents seen: 8. Number who had insurance: zero.)
#61. Make sure your surgeon’s assistants can properly count surgical instruments.
#62. If you find yourself suddenly gaining weight, it may not be overeating. It may in fact be 20 liters of serosanguinous fluid accumulating in your abdomen.
#63. Do not under any circumstances get run over by a turf cutter that you are operating.
#64. If a winch gives way and the handle spins out of control, do not attempt to grab hold of it. Also, do not report accident as “held on to spinning wench,” as this will not be covered by Labor and Industries worker compensation.
#65. Surprisingly, an athletic cup is a very useful piece of equipment when operating a chainsaw. (Two unrelated chainsaw-related groin accidents in one day! :eek: )
Speaking of chainsaws:
#66: Never use a chainsaw on something higher that your head.
#67: Never use a chainsaw with one hand.
#68: Never use a chainsaw while wearing open-toed sandals.
and also:
#69: Never fry food while naked.
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If you want to be the oldest person on Earth, be born before everyone else.
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Don’t take yourself to a gunfight.
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When your boss starts telling you why its a good idea to die for any cause, leave immediately.
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When your gee-whiz car begs you to find out how fast it will go, it’s time to sell the car.
Never piss off someone who owns a chainsaw.
If you are extracting a busted lightbulb with a potato, TURN THE POWER OFF!