Frink’s garage sale robot tries to sell himself, but to no avail (this is the garage sale where Homer buys the teleportation machine)
“It’s in Revelations people!”
Kent Brockman when Marge goes on the lam. “Otherwise, their behaviour could incite other women leading to anarchy of biblical proportions.”
“Burt Reynolds apologized to the Pope, and promised to replace the windshield.”
“All right, I’m going to make the bank drop. But if I don’t make it, promise me you won’t sleep with my wife.”
“I promise…nothing!”
I don’t know the two above, but here’s mine:
(One of my favorites, btw)
“Blecch! Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww…gimme the crab juice.”
Homer in the episode when he had to go to New York to get his car back. The vendor guy offered him either Mountain Dew or crab juice for a drink.
Young man, I assure my posterior is nothing more than flesh and blood. And some of that shrapnel I picked up in 'Nam.
Principal Skinner responding to Bart’s chant, “Skinner is a nut/He has a rubber butt.” From the episode in which Bart has his first day at school/Lisa first gets her saxaphone.
“This isn’t rocket science–it’s brain surgery.”
(A quote I’ve found useful for when someone’s spending way too much time on a minor decision)
Halloween episode where Mr. Burns is creating the perfect employee.
“Karma can only be apportioned by the cosmos.”
Spudo: “Sometimes, but the person I really hate is YOUR father.”
You’re the man, there. You’ve stumped me. And I notice everyone else has conveniently avoided it…
LNO: “Burt Reynolds apologized to the Pope, and promised to replace the windshield.”
This is Kent Brockman in one of the “future” episodes. I think it’s the one where Bart sees his future at an Indian Casino, but it could also be the one where Lisa gets her fortune told at the Renaissance Fair.
occ: “All right, I’m going to make the bank drop. But if I don’t make it, promise me you won’t sleep with my wife,” followed by “I promise…nothing!”
Sanjay, and then Apu. I really couldn’t tell you the episode, though. A WAG, the one where Homer takes a second job at the Kwik-E-Mart?
Tretiak: “Karma can only be apportioned by the cosmos.”
Homer to Apu, in the episode where Homer gets Apu fired and Apu moves in with OFF.
My turn (this is so much fun 
)…
“I’d kill you right now if I had my gun!”
Quix
“yea, but you don’t, do you?” Homer sweating out the 5 day waiting period.
“You’re overexcited, dear, let’s get home and get some beer in you!”
(spoiler-sigh If I could only find a woman like Marge…
)
Man, that’s the one quote I can’t remember. I know Homer’s excited about something, but I can’t recall. Regadless, I’m going to throw out some of my faves…
“Whoa, acid flashback! Wouldn’t want to be driving a bus right now.” (I’m surprised this character hasn’t been quoted yet.)
“What a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the bees are trying to have sex with them, as is my understanding.”
“Me fail English? That’s unpossible.”
How about this one:
“I fear to look, yet I can not turn away.”
Moe the Bartender at anti-violence protest in front of Itchy and Scratchy Studios.
Dijon “Van Heffren” = Van Heflin?
I’ll give you all another chance.
Why is my “Steve Bennett!” post in this thread both funny and a propos?
You love it, don’t pretend you don’t.
Marge, after the visit to the interactive museum.
Try this on for size:
“I’m somewhere where I don’t know where I am!”
“I’m somewhere where I don’t know where I am!”
Homer stuck in the 3d world.
“Don’t ask me, I’m just a girl.”
Lisa’s Malibu Stacey doll.
“I am so smart. I am so smart. S-M-R-T. I mean S-M-A-R-T.”
Homer, celebrating a rare intelligent moment.
“He may be the most powerful mind we have ever dealt with.”
The Unitarian religious group people. When Homer won’t fold.
Mine:
“…I DON’T bring you peace and love, I bring you fear, loathing, pestilence, and disaster!” (or something to that effect.)
Mr. Burns, after coming down from his medication induced high during the alien episode.
“Oops. I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.”
Krusty, on voting for Mr. Burns’s film. It moved him…TO A BIGGER HOUSE!
New quote:
“You’ve got to squeal, to every parent and teacher you can find. Coming to me was a good start.”