<gasp> The elusive newbie posts her first thread.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Well, only slightly elusive. After all, I’ve been welcomed by Crunchy!

I have recently come to a conclusion, and I figured that since I am now a member of the SDMB, you guys could give it to me straight. (insert wicked laugh here.)

I have recently realized that everyone I know is pretty much down on me. I am 27 years old. I live on my own, and all my bills get paid on time. My parents keep griping about how they would love for me to get married and have kids. I would like to do this someday, but there is no “dark horse in the running”, to quote my favorite movie. They also (along with my best male friend) complain about how I need to get back into school, finish up, and get a real job. I like my job. It requires no degree, pays well, and has little to no responsibility. My younger sister keeps at me about how I need to act like a grown-up, as if working full time and paying all my bills makes me a kid. (Nevermind the fact that she got pregnant at 22 and lives with my parents, sucking them dry, oh, and I GAVE her my car.) My only closest female friend is convinced that I “don’t take her side” enough, whenever she gets into arguments with her husband/mom/dad/cat/friends/bouncer/automobile. The only reason that I don’t take her side is that 90% of the time, I can’t see where she is right. And when I tell her this, it makes me the a$$hole.

I’m just so tired of people telling me what changes I need to make in my life. I have tried grinning and bearing it, I have tried telling people that I am happy with the choices that I have made, and I’ve also tried telling people to butt out of my life and drop dead. Nothing seems to work.

So, what I ask here of you, (as politely and with as much reverence as possible) is what do I have to do to get these people off my back? I am generally a very happy person, and I like to have fun as much as the next person. But the constant downgrading of my life is starting to make me very depressed, and I am starting to become so pissed off at it all that I’m considering moving to a foreign country.(Where I promise not to say stupid things to other Americans. tee hee!)

Oh, by the way. My family is awesome. I love them, (except for the little sister 84.3% of the time) and I really wouldn’t trade them for anything. But I just don’t know how to handle the whole “let us run your life for you” thing any more.

Any and all words of wisdom appreciated.
You can also send direct flames (loser, etc.) to my email address.

Thanks.

2

Ok, gotcha. I’m at the same point, except whole bills on time thing. Mine mostly get paid on time. Those damn student loans get me every time. I wish they’d give me a payment book again instead of a monthly statement. grumble

Well, first off does it bother you because they are telling you things that you already feel to some degree? That can make it hit harder when they say it.

I used to get all of that from my parents, friends, etc. Finally I realized that I am happy with my life and when there are things that I’m not happy with, I bear the responsiblity for changing them. No one can tell me how to live my life. And I am happy, mostly. I have my moments, but who doesn’t?

The main thing is to live your life as you want to live it-not the way someone else wants you to.

Eventually, my parents and friends realized that I was going to do what I was going to do. Sometimes I’d realize that their suggestions were good ones, and sometimes they were completely the wrong idea for me. When they start saying things that get to you, shrug it off. If it gets really bad, sit them down and tell them. They love you and want what’s best for you-only it’s what they see as best from the outside looking in on your life.

Oh, and welcome. :stuck_out_tongue:

3

This is all IMHO, of course!

Short answer, it doesn’t sound like you can do much to get them off your back.

If you have a steady, well paying job with out and amount of post secondary, good for you! I am in the same boat. That being said, it would be wise to get more education just in case (my wife, an Engineer reminds me of that ever now and then)

However, its doesn’t sound like its anything more than a pain in the ass. Maybe throw the little sisters situation in her face every now and then to keep her in her place though… :wink:

Anyhow, you sound like a good person that I would’ve liked to have gotten to know. Good luck and let me give you a belated welcome to the SDMB as well.

4

Do you live near your family? Can you move? My husband and I got married and then left the country for four years, and it was a great thing!

5

I know my family always had “high expectations” of me. I was their little genius boy so to speak. So I went and dutifully got my degree. Now I am also, I feel, letting them down somewhat because I’m not out curing cancer or something.

I think in general my parents feel live and let live. But I know they want me to be making different choices. Frankly I feel like I’ve been in some sort of apathy since about 17 that I just haven’t been able to shake off. But thats me personally.

Eventually I had to have an honest talk and say. Listen, I appreciate that you are concerned for me. BUT I am happy, I am responsible, and you constantly nagging me only makes me far less likely to do what you want. If it is what I want, I will do it. Otherwise, LAY OFF ME! I am living my life, not your vision of what my life should be. Plus, I refused to talk with them about it after that. Eventually they got the message.

6

<sigh>

I am 28 and:
Own condo, car, small business, RRSP’s.
Pay bills on time/save for retirement.
Regularly phone, write and visit elderly relatives.
Have loads of friends, male and female.
Go to university full time, upgrading my education.
Wear thongs.

My father recently told me that I’m going to be a spinster cat lady because I’m not yet married, and my mother weeps when the topic of grandchildren comes up.

Chin up Skerri - its part of being offspring, sadly.

Al.

7

I’m 38, have two Master’s degrees, have a decent job, have managed my own affairs for, well, quite a few years now… and have yet to escape.

My father, sadly, is dead; my sister, thankfully, has no interest in managing anyone else’s life. This means my mother has to dispense enough unwanted lifestyle advice for three people. She manages this effortlessly. I spent the whole of last Christmas sitting in a corner, shrivelling under the Disapproval Rays (if I’d stayed at home for Christmas, instead of visiting her, things would have been ten times worse…)

I have, in response to another thread, already told the story of how I was out of touch with her for a couple of days… and how, as a result, she decided I had died as a result of my debauched lifestyle, and got the police to break into my flat and recover my body…

I have to add to the chorus. There is no escape save death. Half measures like changing your name, having plastic surgery and fleeing the country just won’t cut it. Your family will find you.

8

Wow…
It’s nice to know that other people feel the same…Thanks for all the welcomes, and the words of wisdom. I realize there’s not much I can do, but it’s nice to hear it from people who have been there.

I have already told my parents that I will become the spinster old lady with 97 cats. In fact, I went out and adopted a kitten from my vet’s office last week.

It just seems like nothing I do is going to be good enough for them. I know I am the “screw-up” kid, but hey, I’ve always done what I wanted to do. I am the first person in my family to make it past the age of 22 without having a kid. In school, I got good grades, despite the fact that I shaved my head and dyed my hair funky colors. The only reason I quit was because I couldn’t afford to pay for it any more, and the student loan fell through one semester. Hell, my mom gave me a little stuffed black sheep for Easter one year. But they’ve known for about 15 years now that it would be my way or the highway.

I just don’t see why they think that now is the time to get on my ass about this stuff.
I love them, but right now I could just smack them.

Hey Lsura, the student loan people were the biggest problem I had for a long time… So I got the loan consolidated and now they debit it from my bank account… See if you can do that… Makes life much easier…

Anyways. Thanks for the advice. Keep those cards and letters coming… (ha ha.)

9

Some snapshots from my life:

  • I stayed at home during University :eek: (my family didn’t have a lot of money)

  • I always pay off my credit card in full at the end of the month :cool:

  • my Mum, who is wonderful, has regularly redefined her position on my marital status

  1. When are you going to marry a really nice girl?
  2. When are you going to marry a nice girl?
  3. When are you going to marry a girl?

Now she’s bought a hat for the wedding - ‘just in case, darling’.

I did think of setting up a pseudo website to take the pressure off us singles:

http://www.himumivemetsomeone.com

10

perhaps your family can’t handle normal behaviour? it sounds like you have your life together and fairly content with it. this means you are not miserable, and since misery likes company…

welcome to the board.

11

You know, I don’t get that much. Of course I love to argue and generally shoot down whatever arguement they had in 20 words or less(now if only I could do that on the SDMB):slight_smile:

As for myself I am 16, and starting my own web development company. And trying to find a college to go to that offers something I want(namely job opportunities). Unfortunately colleges rarely list things like what companies hire out from them and have meaningless junk for the most part in their brochures.

12

I strongly suggest moving to another state. Preferably at least two days drive away.
It worked for me.

13

I’ll be 33 in six days.

I have a high school diploma.
I am the only one of my siblings who’s never been to college.
I have a good, well-paying job.
I bought a condo in October, with help from one of my sisters.
GF (Angie) moved in a week later.
We’ve had a car since last June.
I still don’t have a driver’s license (hopefully this year).
I pay my bills on time, but our last car ran my credit cards up to their limit.