Here’s the deal. I’m gay and I have a great friend who’s straight. He’s alot younger than I am and we work together of course. Now, Let’s say that every other time that this guy walks into my work area, we start talking bout work and other mundane stuff.
I’m usually seated and he stands in front of me with a hand in his jeans pocket. The whole time he’s standing there, he’s doing all this adjusting and stretching and what all with his crotch. I know this is a guy thing, we do this all the time, but he’s right in my face with all of this going on.
I mean one day, he walked into my space to chat and started this whole production on the front of his pants and then just thrust his hand down inside his pants and just started squirming and moving and doing all this shit that just about drove me crazy!
Another day, it seemed to me he all but ran into my area to tell me something and he had a hard on like nobody’s business! All I could do was stare in rapt fascination as he spoke to me! He only stood there for a couple of minutes, just long enough to burn that image into my brain! I truly have no idea what he was talking about to this day.
In keeping with the times and being P.C. and also not wanting to offend or hurt our friendship, I try to ignore his antics while wanting to tell him, look, either you let me play too or stop doing that shit in front of me! It’s damn near like I have my own private male dancer!
As a straight guy, my view is that he probably just thinks of you as another dude. If I had to adjust myself and a good male friend was around, I wouldn’t feel self-conscious doing so and I wouldn’t think twice about it. There would be no hints and, in fact, I probably wouldn’t even have thought about the absurdity of the situation unless it was pointed out to me.
I say just jokingly say stuff about his “adjustments” driving you wild, but don’t sound serious. Either he’ll keep on doing it and join in the joke or he’ll never do it again in front of you.
Does he know you’re gay? The two of you being good friends, I would assume he does.
Assuming my assumption is correct, here’s my take: I’m straight. I would definitely not adujst and fiddle with my penis in front of a girl-- or run up to her with a hard-on-- unless I was sending signals. By fiddling at the right time, it’s kind of letting the other person know about your penis. Obviously they know you have a penis, but by drawing attention to it casually, it puts the thought of your penis in their head, even if unconsciously. (It worked with you didn’t it!?) It’s sorta like with girls showing clevage, or ‘accidentally’ brushing her breasts up against a guy. We know she has boobs, but once we see that clevage or feel that squishy brush on our shoulder-- mmm, squishy brush…oops, where was I?-- we are now thinking about those boobs.
If I didn’t want to send signals to a girl-- or a gay man for that matter-- I think I would refrain from fiddling for the duration of the conversation. I mean, yeah, we guys fiddle and adjust all the time, but jeez, we can control ourselves in certain situations.
So, IMO, I think this guy’s sending signals, testing the waters, whatever. But all that attention he’s drawing to his dick is not accidental.
Whoa! I didn’t think I’d get this kind of response! This is the first time that I’ve posted something personal like this, but I really wanted some objective opinions about this.
He knows I’m gay for sure. I made sure that he knew that about me from jump street so there would be none of that akwardness in our friendship.
Damn! I never even thought that he would be sending signals like that! I mean, I don’t look at him that way. But he has told me that he would be willing to try anything once. That was awhile ago tho. I know he doesn’t think that I remember that conversation! And I let that slip by! More recently he points out that he’s very open minded on alot of things.
But he’s been trying to find a girlfriend, not with alot of success tho. I didn’t want to interfere with that.
I didn’t mention this earlier, but he did rub up against my arm one day while all this adjusting was going on, for about a minute or so. I swear, I just didn’t want to say anything to hurt our friendship!
There has been a thread recently about how comforting it is to cup one’s balls. I had a straight friend who would do this all the time - slip his hand under the waistband of his sweats to feel himself, and keep it there for long periods. We’d be watching TV or whatever, and he’d be just blatantly grabbing himself. It was very odd but I know he was not signalling me, just being unselfconscious.
It seems your friend has given you more signals than that, though.
You are just bad! But, the more I read everyone’s thoughts on this, I may say something to him, without seeming like I’m throwing myself at him. Why any female worth her estrogen hasn’t snatched him up by now is beyond me!
Actually, I’ve been told that cupping your balls is a good form of exercise for them. You kind of give them a gentle massage. Helps to build up sperm I believe.
And honestly, I didn’t want to believe that he would be sending those kinds of signals to me since our ages are so far apart, ya know?
How young is this guy? It seems pretty amateurish way to send signals by playing with himself in front of you. I have to cast my vote for just being unselfconscious. He could have a serious case of IBS* or ICS*.
As a straight guy who’s been rubbed up against by women, I can almost assure you that’s not a signal. A signal would be “What’s is like to suck a c_ck?” or “What kind of guy do you go for?”
He’s 25 and I’m 39, and the points you make are very valid points to be sure but he’s not looking you in the eye’s while he’s playing with himself.
Like I said, I can understand unselfconscious behavior of this nature. Just being around one of the guys, but to have him stand there and look me in the eyes and start rubbing all on his dick like that has gotta mean something, right?
Or maybe I’ll just tell him to change his detergent or the soap he’s using. He could just need to change the type of underwear he wears, which are cotton boxers, the knit kind btw.
Most heterosexual men I know, including myself, do not fiddle with their nads in front of another guy in a professional environment. It would be acceptable to discreetly adjust yourself if you are outdoors and engaged in some athletic activity but to play pocket pool in someone’s cubicle and/or announce that you’re sprouting a woody is not normal professional male behavior with co-workers.
Yes but not in other people’s faces.
Having said this, there are some amazingly clueless and socially inept people that will do or say practically anything in public. If the environment was more blue collar, possibly this form of expression would be more acceptable.
Wow, guys are even weirder than I thought. Cupping their balls while sitting watching tv with other guys? Women don’t sit around twiddling their ahem parts in front of other women, or just casually sitting there stroking their breasts. Well, not the women I hang around with, anyway. Jeeze, guys, get some toys to fiddle with other than your genitals, wouldja? (Um, just my opinions, of course, and not really having anything to do with the OP. Sorry - carry on.)
I couldn’t agree with you more to a certain extent. In his defense, I would have to say that my friend is one of the most socially consciencious ppl I know. I believe that our friendship has grown to such an extent that maybe he feels he can be that relaxed around me, even tho I’m gay. He knows that I would never do or say anything of a sexual nature to offend him.
As to the environment, yes it is professional, but it’s not a stuffy atmosphere at all. I wouldn’t admit this in the office, but it’s a very congenial and relaxed place to work, but despite this, we work VERY hard at what we do, so if these be momentary lapses on his part I have no problem with it. Lord knows if he pulled this with anyone else but me…
In my own way, I’m just trying to define the reasons behind his actions. My goal here is to reason out if these are lapses on his part, which I’m coming to believe they are not, or are they deliberate in some way. This guy does not make the same mistake twice.
And I’m sure everyone is thinking, I could file a sexual harrassment suit to be sure. But that’s not going to do anyone any good and end with a positive result for either of us.
I think Geobabe has just the right solution. By calling attention to the fact that you notice all the “adjusting” going on in a humourous way, you can send the ball (no pun intended) back into his court, and he can take you up on it, make a joke of it, or quit fiddling in front of you. It’s all good.
