I am a lesbian, at least functionally so, and I would aggree with this statement. Some nights I pull out the toys, or if I want it to be more intimate or tender, I just use whatever I have, with no artificial helpers coming into it. It’s not the same for every couple, of course.
I’ve always sorta wondered how lesbians know when they’re done. Men have that fairly obvious stopping point which women, lucky creatures that they are, are not so constrained.
Another gay man checking in here. Of course gay men’s interest in sex waxes and wanes just like everyone else’s. As for the idea that we screw like weasels because we’re all men, please. We do (or at least some of us do) have some sense of discernment.
Band name!
Interesting posts, Gravity and norinew.
Otto mentioned the question of how lesbians know when they’re done. I would guess that they are done when one or both reach orgasm?
Interestingly, my girlfriend is totally against the whole idea of using toys or sex aids in the bedroom. She also claims that she doesn’t masterbate. Questions for the ladies: is she lying? I know that if a guy told me he never masterbates then I just know he’s lying!
Another thing my girlfriend will not entertain under any circumstances is the idea of anal sex. Not that I particularly want to try it, but she has made it clear that it’s a definite turn off for her. I often hear guys saying they have anal sex with their girlfriend. How common is this really? I personally have never had it, and I think that in reality it is quite rare.
Comments?
(Mods: if this thread would be more suited to a different forum, then I would be much obliged if you could move it. Thanks).
I would imagine lesbians know they are done the SAME way hetero women know when they are done. The real question is: at WHICH orgasm does one satiate? 
I doubt she is lying. Many women find masturbation disgusting and never do it, and I would guess this would especially be true if she has a partner. But it sounds to me like your girlfriend is very uptight about sexual play. Is she young or possibly has she had some bad experiences with this? That may account for some of her reluctance. I had a partner when I was young who showed me how to have fun with sex and not take it so seriously. That helped me immensely. Please note that most of this fun that helped me relax was not sexual in nature… it just naturally spilled over into the bedroom.
Depends on the woman. Some find anal sex incredibly erotic, some find it so-so, some find it disgusting but do-able, some find it downright painful and will carve out your spleen if you even suggest it. I’m not that crazy about it… I prefer sensations during sex OTHER than feeling like I have to take a massive dump!
Well she isn’t young, she is a few years old than me in fact. She was married before we met, and has three kids from the marriage. She got married quite young. We have talked about this a lot, and I know that she went off sex with her husband very quickly into the marriage. In the latter years of the marriage they never had sex at all, so I suppose you could say she is inexperienced. I know that sometimes her husband would sometimes want sex and she would just refuse him. They gradually gew further and further apart, and it all ended in a bitter divorce.
Maybe I could broach the subject of sex toys, in a playing around kind of way, as you suggested. The thing is, I’m not really sure if toys would improve our sex life, and it would be difficult to get the timing right.
Thanks for the advice anyway.
Oops, I wasn’t quite finished with that post, but someone walked over and was looking at my screen. I felt a bit self conscious and so submitted it quickly!
If it is something that you enjoy or think you would enjoy, I think that you should try to be encouraging about it, samarm. I know how painful a flat refusal (or worse yet, reluctant compliance) can be about something that’s supposed to be fun, though.
I may be offline for a while, due to work stuff. I’m finding this quite liberating, as I wouldn’t normally get to discuss these kind of issues with anyone, at least not in a serious discussion. I’ll check in later.
Moderators: If this thread is unsuitable for GQ could you possibly move it to a more appropiate forum. Thanks.
If, as implied by the majority opinion, homosexuals indulge in carnal pleasures more often than heterosexuals, where does that leave the bisexuals…somwhere in the middle of the libido scale?
Putting aside my individualist beliefs for a moment, here are some general (hopefully, non-sterotyping) observations…
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To paraphrase Woody Allen, ‘Men fall in love with those they find sexually attractive, Women become sexually attracted to those they fall in love with.’
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Long term heterosexual relationships are not as “sexually-based” as homosexual ones.
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Homosexual couples tend to be a little more “experimental & kinky” than hetero couples.
Speaking for myself…
I still shallowly consider orgasms the glue that holds people together and have yet to be proven wrong. Maybe that’s why they’re sticky. Think about it, after a night of passion, everything is better the next day. (The air smells sweeter, food is tastier, music sounds better, you’re horny all day thinking about what’s to follow & no one can annoy you).
Sunshine plays a big role in my sexual moods. I’d estimate I’m twice as frisky in the summer. I don’t know if it’s because the releases phermones or the fact winter clothing serves as a barricade. If I lived in Aruba, twice a day wouldn’t be enough.
I recall an article some years ago where researchers asked gays, lesbians and straights about sexual frequency and satisfaction.
Not surprisingly gay men had the most frequent ( I asked some friends and they said "oh yeah!) followed by straight couples. Lesbian couples had the least amount but tended to be the most satisfied with it. Quality vs quantity I guess.
By the way, “Lesbian Bed Death”- I have been there and it ain’t pretty! But in fairness, maybe that really was all there was to the relationship. Many gay and straight couples could probably say the same.
I would have to disagree with you there. An orgasm for me isn’t a goal that I work towards during sex. It’s just a nice way to finish. I work hard to make sure she has an orgasm as close as possible to me, but it’s really a product of the closeness and love that we have for each other, rather than the other way round. YYMV, it’s a very personal thing I guess.
Badbug: The research you mention seems to perpetuate the notion that gays have sex more readily and with less “courting” than straight couples. This is one of the reasons I started this thread - to either blow this theory out of the water or support it. I guess, in the sense that gay guys have sex more readily than straight couples, the theory is supported.
*YMMV, sorry.
It looks like most of the responses are going to be anecdotal so I’ll move tis thred to IMHO.
As a woman who has extreme swings of libido depending on what day of the menstrual period I’m in, I have to say I don’t understand how lesbian couples work it out. Assuming of course that all women have these wild swings.
Although my current lover and I would usually call ourselves “Fags trapped in dyke bodies”, the comment I will make on lesbian sex is this…
synchronised cycles= synchronised PMT.
Ouch is the word.