I hope my tittle was clear.
I’m curious to know how much bigotry do you receive from men vs how much you receive from women?
Also, bonus question: How much better has it got since you were a child. Is the difference noticeable by leaps and bounds?
Thanks.
I think bigotry has more to do with exposure to people different from yourself than it does with one’s sex/gender. Having said that, two bigots that I can easily recall were women.
One was actively bigoted but would deny it. She said once, “I don’t hate black people. I just think they smell bad.”
The other was a woman I used to work with who apparently never got out of the whitest suburbs and would say things that betrayed what I would perceive as an ignorance of black Americans and of class differences (ie, what causes them).
Men will tell jokes behind your back, and maybe act a little uncomfortable around you, or maybe distance themselves from you. Women will say things like “Not that I’m a bigot, but . . . . .” and then say some fairly ignorant and homophobic statements. And sometimes quote the Bible.
I grew up in the '50s and early ‘60s. Until I was 18 and in college, I NEVER heard of anyone saying it was ok to be gay (or have “homosexual tendencies”). I read a lot of library books on the subject, and everyone had their own opinion on the causes of homosexuality, but there was no disagreement that it was a disorder, or worse.
It was just like being a pedophile, today. It was a serious disorder, made even more serious if you acted on these feelings. And if you acted on them and were caught, you were a criminal. Even if you were caught having a drink or dancing with a guy in a gay bar. It wasn’t unusual for the Vice Squad to rough you up while you were handcuffed, on the way into the paddy wagon. Sometimes your name, address and employer were printed in the paper, possibly along with your mug shot. People lost their families, their homes, their friends, their jobs and their futures (now you had a "record”). And suicides weren’t unusual. Especially for lesbians.
And even if you weren’t caught, you knew that your feelings weren’t normal. You were a homo. A deviant. A queer. A fag. And your only hope was someday going into therapy to be “cured.”
It wasn’t a very good time to grow up gay.
Depends on what you mean by bigotry. It’s my impression that men and women are about equally likely to think I’m going to hell, shouldn’t be allowed to marry someone of my same sex, etc. Women may be a bit worse on that front, actually. But as far as being called a derogatory name or the occasions when I’ve actually felt threatened then that’s been almost entirely men.
Or maybe I should say boys, as this hasn’t come up that often since my teens. I don’t look the way a bigot expects a queer woman to look (I have longish hair and there’s nothing “edgy” about my way of dressing), I’m single, and I’m pretty introverted, so I think I’m flying below the radar of most bigots in my area. My appearance and behavior might be a bit different if I didn’t live in a small town in a rural part of a state that has banned by constitutional amendment all same-sex unions and does not offer me legal protection from employment discrimination based on my sexual orientation, but that’s a topic for another thread.
I’ve never noticed a sharp divide between bigotry between sexes. I think it’s easier for gay men to retain close friendships with women and other gay men, than to maintain a friendship with a straight man.
But as far as bigotry goes, I’ve seen it pretty equally coming from those equipped with vaginas as those equipped with penises.
You don’t post like a lesbian either!
And by that, I mean that I swear you mentioned a boyfriend/husband in the past. Guess not.
Definitely not. I actually consider myself moderately bisexual in the “never say never” sense, but if I ever mentioned a “boyfriend” it could only have been in reference to some kid I went to the mall with a couple of times in middle school. All my relationships since then have been with girlfriends.
I find men are more inclined to be vocally obnoxious to my face, such as hurling insults at me in public.
Women are more inclined to keep their mouths shut, but then make up spurious arguments against the ‘gay lifestyle’ on Internet forums, with biblical references.
I don’t find women less homophobic, particularly towards lesbians.
I should note, however, that these unpleasant instances are increasingly rare.
I’m a lesbian. FTR.
Clearly, I did not read for comprehension.
Heh, I was wondering what you were going on about. 
The amount is probably the same, but expressed somewhat differently. I’ve only had physical threats from men, and they occasionally (very occasionally) will see “lesbian” as a challenge meaning they just have to be more direct and obnoxious in their come-ons.
Women, on the other hand, have been the ones to actually suggest I’m a paedo or a bad parent for being gay, and cause trouble for me. They’re also much more likely to ask somewhat personal questions, but I don’t really mind that most of the time.
That makes it sound like I run a daily gamut of bigots (mass noun!), but the vast majority of people I meet who find out I’m gay at least appear to have no problem with it.