Generic News of the Day

Headlines:

Woman Missing

Gov’t Official: ME Victory Not Overnight, Making Progress

CEO Indicted

Cruise/Jolie/Holmes/Pitt

More Cruise/Jolie/Holmes/Pitt

and more…

A Serious Crime Was Committed

A Celebrity Made a Public Appearance

Several Sports Teams Competed

Weather Will Occur

No rain in Sydney - again

Conflict in Middle East.

Officials say blaze sparked by fireworks.

Old Pope, Franco, still dead.

Old white guy gains prominent political office.

Political activists call current administration stupid/incompetent/evil.

Ambitious NASA program cancelled.

Parents groups protest new video game.

Airliner manufacturer unveils new, improved, trash hauler.

Breathtaking, amazing new anime released.

New for fall TV lineup: show about a single white girl in the city working for a magazine. [OK, I ripped that one off.]

Evidence of grotesque, unimaginable crimes discovered. “Trial of the Century” to begin soon.

Researchers say nuclear fusion could be available in 40 years.

It’s been done, to perfection, here. Still makes me laugh two years later.

No trains in Sydney - again

Celebrity shills new movie

LONDON: Jordan gets drunk, falls down, flashes paparazzi

LOS ANGELES: Anna-Nicole gets drunk, falls down, flashes paparazzi

Diet, Exercise Control Weight

Shocking New Health Risks

Common Vitamin Linked to Cancer

Stress: A Silent Killer

Americans Fat.

Intoxicated Teenager Injures Self