I was recently hospitalized for depression (please, no hugs, seriously). It was the first time for me, but it’s given me a real focal point for me to think of as “before” and “after.”
One of the things I remembered while in therapy last week, from many years ago, was a discussion I heard on the radio with a buddhist priest(ess? female. whatever.). I don’t remember exactly what she said, but for a little while after I’d heard that show, I tried to remain conscious of the idea of generosity.
It’s been very helpful to me in trying to retrain myself around habits learned from a lifetime of depression (it first got bad when I was 15, though I remember symptoms as far back as 7) to “meditate” (I use that word loosely; I only know its superficial pop-culture meaning) on generosity.
I find that, in those thousands of little decisions you make every day–put the fork on the counter or in the sink; put the toilet lid down or leave it up; make my bed or leave it rumpled–if I consider each decision through the lens of generosity, I tend to have a better record of making the right decision.
The generosity can be toward another person–she cuts in front of me at the coffeeshop, so, in generosity, I choose to give her the benefit of the doubt and presume that she didn’t know I was in line: voila, instant peace, no angry stress–or myself–if I go so far as to WASH the fork, and not just leave it in the sink, the next time I pass through the kitchen the sink will be clean and empty, and the fork is ready to use again; alternatively, I’d’ve passed the sink with the dirty fork in it, which would have added, however infinitesimally, to my feeling of being overwhelmed by little things I have to do.
(cut and pasted the wrong version. insert this paragraph right before the last sentence.)
Or, as a variation of “count your blessings,” I meditate for a moment on the generosity of my friends when I’m feeling alone, or the nameless hollow stomachdwelling dread that characterizes depression for me. I think of the friends who helped me get to the hospital, and have been there for me since, and my mood lightens.
I think that the relief you are experiencing probably comes from a feeling of connection with others (namely your friends), rather than the raw notion of generosity.
As for this
It sounds a bit like an OCD to me. But maybe that’s just because I’m judging from my own experiences with it.
Anyway, it’s good to hear that you’re feeling better.
I was raised to believe that you put the needs of others as a priority. Not as the only one, per se, but… Well, being kind and generous just always seemed like the right thing to do. Why not help when you can, right? I am amazed by the ammount of people who don’t feel this way sometimes. I am glad, however, that I am not wholy alone in my attitude.
lissener, it’s a very focused way of being. I don’t want to go hokey on you, but I do understand what you are saying, I think. And I certainly needed the reminder.
I am an older woman who has had experience with depression that goes back at least forty years – though I think that it may actually be closer to fifty years. I am not a Buddhist, but I have found that some of the teachings have very practical and behaviorally healthy applications.
