I think being sick all summer has really changed my bullshit tolerance levels. I’ve basically broken up with: my two best friends, Comcast, my 2nd job, my sister, even my sort-of boyfriend. Nothing dramatic, no big arguments…just got tired of the position I found myself in each of those relationships. I tend to be the strong one, the shoulder-to-cry-on, the lender of money. Screw it. I’d like a little reciprocation in my relationships from now on.
It’s been a strange and sometimes painful transition. Losing my best friend really hurt, but I do think a little distance will be good for me. And I’m becoming good friends with another woman with whom I have more common ground, as well as some of the students at my small masssage school.
So…now what? I guess my focus is shifting more to the kids, the house, school (which I LOVE, btw), and getting by on my now-even-lower income. I’ve recently added a few hours a week as a private caregiver, and will try to add a few more shortly. Those relationships are always rewarding to me…always important to fulfill my need to nurture. 
Due to money issues, I even had to quit my therapist/life coach. So I hope I’m not turning into an awful person or something.
Is this a weird thing to happen? I don’t know what to think.
I’m sure there are those who would see the broad trend as indicative of something, possibly something as strong as mental illness, almost certainly a red flag for that old standby, depression.
OTOH, sometimes you just have to sweep away all the dirt at once. It’s hard, and maybe not everything you sweep away is “dirt,” per se… but it’s worth the cost.
So you’re now a mild curmudgeon who puts self, kids and your own environment above third-party others. So what.
I did go through a mild depression for a bit, mostly related to the bff issue. Overall, though, I do have a sense of sort of cleaning house. Every breakup happened for a reason, but that reason may have been along the lines of finally hitting the limit and saying “Enough!” I’m still on speaking terms with everyone but Comcast.
Just trying to keep things on a less-intense level all around, I guess.
Are you better off with or without them?
Definitely better off without. One friend dropped off the earth because she is In Love, shortly followed by the other (In Love within four days!), who is willing to make me a third wheel but thanks, no. Sister is hateful and unsupportive and miserable. Comcast…well, Comcast. The sort-of boyfriend is a great guy but things just weren’t clicking and I just truly don’t WANT a real boyfriend right now. The job…nice to have the money but even nicer to have the time. My kid needs me home more so it’s a good trade and I’m definitely seeing the payoff with her.
So I think the changes are good ones, just a lot to adjust to. And I really feel a load off not having to walk on eggshells with the miserable ones or having to continually support the needy ones. Being sick really gave me some perspective, I think.
Welcome to Heartbreak Hotel, at the end of Lonely Street.
You want Comcast to loan you money?
Rather than depression it sounds to me like you’d slowly picked up a bunch of leeches and burdens. Which you’ve now cast off.
Congrats and good luck …
I did the same thing a few years ago after my dad died. I went into hiding, for the most part, after examining many relationships I have been maintaining for a long time. I learned that relationships are give-and-take, and while you don’t always expect something in return, you generally get something from each relationship. Some of mine were very one-sided, where I was doing all the giving and the other person all the taking. Rather than a relationship, it was a responsibility, and I wanted no more of those. As a result I scaled-back much of my commitments, and spent more time on those that gave me something back once in a while. I volunteered more and focused on the people I wanted to. Ya know what, I am happier and better-off now, with a lightened burden, IMHO. So, cleaning house every so often can be a good thing.
This explains it better than I did, I think. Thank you! I do feel like things are on a better track for me.
Good for you. Dump them all and start over. Often that’s a good thing.
- A ting with legs upturned.
Furthers removal of stagnating stuff.
One takes a concubine for the sake of her son.
No blame.*
(Hexagram 50, six at the beginning)
Can’t get new, more nourishing food in your life until you dump the rotten stuff.
But you still have Straight Dope!!!
This is me, and it’s draining! But every now and then, someone steps up and shows what friendship really can be.
I was out at lunch with a former co-worker last week - we sat next to each other for four years, worked on the same team for three of them. His wife had some problems with her foot, and I had a shower chair in my garage, so I lent it to him. Happily, she doesn’t need it any more.
I mentioned to him that my mom is having knee replacement surgery on Tuesday…he offered to chair back to me, and I told him we’d figure out how to meet up - possibly after surgery if it ends early enough. If not, he’d just drop it at my house in a safe location, and I’d get it when I got home.
This morning I got a text from him saying he dropped it off at my house on the way in to work, so I’d have one less thing to worry about.
That’s the kind of person I like having in my life.
That sounds like an antler-shedding moment, a la Thidwick the Big-Hearted Moose.
But if I’m interpreting the OP correctly, these people may not (all) have been so much “leeches” as simply people who took more than they gave, at a time when the OP doesn’t have much extra to spare.
Indeed.
But was the OP explain this to the people concerned–or did she simply dump them?
Although I consider them break ups, there was no real “I never want to see you again!” flounce involved. It was a pretty emotional decision for me, but I’m still on decent terms with most everyone and will remain friendly. I just felt like I really had to back off and not invest so much. My sister…eh, long story but I did have a conversation with her and she is aware that I’m not dealing with her right now. I’m sure I’ll see her at the holidays and it’ll be okay; but I’m not engaging her anymore.
I’m just drained, as someone above said. I have to take care of my own right now, and I’m shifting my focus to people who are more supportive of that. There aren’t very many, but I’m very grateful to have them!
Oh, that sounded sort of whiny. I don’t feel drained NOW. But I definitely found myself in somewhat one-sided relationships, and felt like it was time to reevaluate. I guess the same process led me to decide to go to massage therapy school. I feel good about where I am and where I’m going, but it took a while.
I’ve had a similar thing happen to me, so you’re not alone. Over the past two years, my circle of friends and the set of hobbies that I do on a regular basis have both changed dramatically, almost completely. Plus I deactivated my facebook, a decision I have never regretted.
These things just happen, I guess.
If you’d like to, you can break up with me. Since there’s nothing between us, there’d be no guilt or emotional baggage. Just don’t tell me “It isn’t someone else,” because then I’ll have to wonder who the other guy is.