OK, help me out here. I’m shopping for some genitals, and haven’t decided on the model yet. I want to make sure I’m comfortable with my decision and have been comparing features. This isn’t an authorative list, just off the top of my head. Please add if I’ve missed anything:
Penis, Pros:[ul][li]stand up to pee[/li][/ul] Penis, Cons:[ul][li]Easily injured (e.g sports)[/li][li]Older models less active[/li][li]Prostate cancer[/ul][/li] Vagina, Pros:[ul][li]Can produce offspring[/li][li]Multiple orgasms (optional)[/li][li]Less easily harmed, v. penis[/ul][/li] Vagina, Cons:[ul][li]Sit down to pee[/li][li]Menstruation[/li][li]Childbirth[/li][li]Prone to bladder infections[/li][li]Hysterectomy[/li][/ul]
Hmmm. Vagina seems to have some very attractive features, especially reproduction and multiple orgasms (if so equipped). But it looks like Penis is easier to maintain and more convenient in use. On the other hand, I’ve heard Penis has the ability to think for itself and even make decisions for the owner; I’m not sure I feel comfortable with this feature – does Vagina do this as well?
Any proud owners who can share thier experiences would be great. I’d also like to know if there are other alternatives to Penis and Vagina.
Thanks for any help. I really want to make the right choice and be happy with the genitals I purchase.
So, are you getting them for yourself, or is this a Christmas present?
Frankly, to my eye, neither choice is particularly aesthetically superior. But a penis has a definite edge in the maintenance department.
It will come with that pesky thinkin’ on its own problem though (and, yes, vaginas do that as well, just not to quite the same degree).
That problem can be controlled; with things such as Catholicism (doesn’t work quite as well as it used to), alcohol (large doses required, as initial applications just make the problem worse) and, as a last resort, child support.
Have you thought about the options? 2º characteristics usually accompany the choice of genitals (I’m still curious about the plural here). What’ll it be, boobs and a bra, or a shave in the morning?
Ohmigosh :smack: – there’s secondary sexual characterics, too!?
Breasts seem kind of sporty, if not much added value for the wearer; I hadn’t really considered owning a pair. Are they optional equipment with Vagina? I’ve heard you can get a pair after-market if you own Penis, but haven’t seen any product literature on specs & features. Do they do anything except lactate? Any drawbacks?
I’m definitely down on the beard option. I don’t know what marketing genius came up with that silly idea.
Has anyone seen Consumer Reports’ “The 2002 Genitals”? How is Penis rated versus Vagina?
Actually, and this shocked the heck out of me: genitals are generally purchased with no warranty or support whatsoever!! The Vagina salesperson seemed quite surprised that I had even asked! The impression I recieved was that it’s “just not done”. WTF?
Breasts can be added after market. There are 2 categories, extrinsic and intrinsic. The Extrinsic are removable and offer not much in the way of usefulness, but do have a sporty look. WARNING! may fall out in parking lots! The intrinsic variey come in three types, home grown, custombuilt, and a combo d.i.y./pro-built. The home grown variety are acquired by taking little purple pills. They take time, but not only do they look sporty, they are quite sensitive and at least one pair seemed to add the multiple orgasm feature. Nipples grow with the breast for a nice decorative touch. Custom built are surgically applied and do not generally come with the nipple enhancement. These techniques may be combined in the d.i.y./pro-built, but the sensitivity gained by the d.i.y. can be lost due to the pro-built addition.
The beard option is especially annoying to uninstall.
Although not covered by warranty upgrade from Penis to Vagina is available and new owners are oftne pleased by the change. Upgrade from Vagina to Penis are currently available, but are plagued by Q.C. issues. Progress was recently reported in mice.
Before you buy, think about what you’ll be doing with it. I mean, some people think that a penis can only be used with another person’s vagina and vice versa. If you want to use a penis with another person’s penis, or vice versa, you’re in for major problems.
Additional key pros and cons to take into consideration:
Penis -
*Con - * Very difficult to stop mid-stream (unless you keep support muscles in top condition) Pro or Con, YMMV - Installation of all of the Penis models that I am aware of require that some or all of your CPU (aka, “the Brain”) be wired directly through the Penis. In other words, the Penis actually assumes the role of controlling thought and body function for a large marjority of users. Control over thought processes and basic motor skills are only returned to the brain under exceptional conditions…
*Con - * Although the Vagina seems to general require more actual maintenance, the Penis, given its role in governing thought processes, actually occupies a signifcant portion of its owner’s time and energy, especially those owners who have anything smaller than a mid-size model. Compact, sub-compact and economy sized Penises often end being more trouble than they are worth, maintenance-wise.
Those accessory Testicles can be a pain; for some reason, they’re incredibly sensitive and can be very painful if struck, yet they’re hung on the outside of the body, instead of being stowed inside like the Ovaries (see Vagina Accessories).
