I apologize for the lack of colorful profanities in this rant, but if I typed what I really was thinking the servers would melt down and we’d have barbecued hamsters.
It is one of the stereotypes of women that we have a problem accepting our bodies. A negative body image is almost expected for those of us who bear two X chromosomes. The media are constantly showing us unreasonable standards of beauty with pencil-thin models, teenage girls with absolutely perfect skin, and porn stars with bulbous fake boobs, among others. I’ll admit, I’ve had a problem accepting myself as beautiful. It took a very good friend and ten years of losing steroid weight before I looked in the mirror and said, “Dang, I’m hot!” But there was always one part of my body that I was perfectly fine with. One part of every woman’s body that I thought–silly me–was immune to Negative Body Image.
How wrong I was.
Recently I discovered a website called vaginainstitute.com This is not a worksafe site as it contains pictures of what it discusses, namely The Perfect Vulva. It also contains detailed descriptions of The Perfect Vulva. Submitted for your perusal: The Perfect Vulva.
Then comes this claim:
Notice the links on the main page to labia and vulva enhancement sites so that you, too, can live up to these standards Preferred By 96% of Men. But wait! It gets better! On the main page, members can read articles discussing the following:
Grammar check, anyone?
I guess no one took me up on that grammar check.
When we poor, unenlightened non-members click these links, we are redirected to this page. (Contains the back of a nude woman.) For just $9.95, we can get such valuable information as the world’s largest vaginal data collection centre, statistics about vaginal, clitoral, and labia size, and what a normal and healthy vulva is and what the deformities are. (Judging by the pictures on the site, pubic hair is a deformity). And then there are the testimonials…
I’m not even going to go into the same flippin’ model on every page with her “trendily mussed” blonde hair. I hate her. If you want even more fun, take the the online quiz to see if you are one of the lucky ones who possess The Perfect Vulva. (No pictures except a nude woman lying on her stomach on top of the page.) Me and my Imperfect Hideous Vulva are going to kick this site repeatedly with jackboots to make ourselves feel better.
Those people cannot be serous! That was one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen! It infuriates me to think that some women could come across that site and go away thinking that their vagina is abnormal or “ugly.” I don’t even want to think about the women who go away and have surgery because of shit like this. These, ahem, “people”, should be ashamed of themselves.
I took that shitty quiz too, and according to those nutjobs I have a vagina of average apperance. Hey buddy, I like it, and I have never had any complaints. And I’ll wager my orgasm against any woman who has a so called “perfect vagina.” (note: THEY DO NOT EXSIST!!!)
Spazcat, your rant was great. I couldn’t have said it better myself. (And I didn’t.)
It’s got to be a joke. I think the responces gave it away. Besides how many guys are gonna be looking at your pussy and say “Your lips are not symmetrical, get out of my bed!” Any idiot that would say that is not thinking with the right head! Heck I wouldn’t even know what symmetrical meant at a time like that.
Wait a minute. Are you sure this isn’t some sort of elaborate joke? Or some incredibly convoluted lead-in to a porn site? I was reading through the stuff on that page, and it’s just too…much. Humans just don’t think like this unless they’re a) crazy or b) joking. I’ll admit, it’s pretty subtle, but some of the language seems like a give-away that somebody’s pulling a fast one. “Ever so becoming”? “Hideously grotesque”? It’s almost Onion-like.
The fact that they want money is also suspicious. It must be either a pay porn site or a pay humor site. If someone was actually conducting some sort of study on the human vagina and its perception in various cultures as determined by appearance, (which is reasonable, I suppose) they would not be using language like “ever so becoming” and I seriously doubt they’d want $9.95 for the privilege of viewing their research.
If these people are actually serious…well, I don’t even know what to say. I guess there could well be vagina fashion Nazis out there. shrug If that’s what these people choose to believe, that’s their business. The only thing that concerns me is the easily manipulated faction of women who have serious self-esteem issues and will be terrorized by the thought that their vulva might not be perfect. I mean, cosmetic surgery on the labia? Please. Unless you can quite literally throw 'em o’er your shoulder like a Continental soldier, I’d say you’re fine. Even then such a skill might come in handy.
Suffice to say, if I ever catch somebody near my hoo-ha pulling out a measuring tape, they will receive a swift kick to the forehead and no mistake. It’s a privilege to be allowed down there in the first place. Don’t talk to me about the “perfect vulva”. To most men I know, the “perfect vulva” is whichever one is closest to hand.
Well, I don’t know. It could very well be serious. I haven’t clicked on the link (being at work & all) but this reminded me of something I saw on Berman & Berman once. I happened to be flipping through, and they had a woman on there who had had plastic surgery done ‘down there’ to even out the inner labia, as they were of larger than average size.
First thought through my mind was “WTF?” but they did a whole interview with her, the surgeon who did her surgery, and started talking about how wonderful it was that you could do that kind of plastic surgery, and what kind of women might want to have it done.
As stupid and vulgar as I think the whole topic is, I unfortunately think it may not be just a joke.
The main page has two (2) full-on views of the female fun bits.
I don’t think it’s a joke site. I think it’s affiliated with plastic surgery centers (centres, if you prefer). There are three sidebar likns on the main page to sites advertising mammary enhancement, labial enhancement, and female pumping (whatever that is). Even if it is a joke, that doesn’t make it any less stupid/disgusting/insert adjective here.
If it is affiliated with legitimate plastic surgery centers, I think it’s cause for concern that every single instance of the plural of “vagina” on the site is spelled “vagina’s”. Not to mention all the “vulva’s”.
I also find it more than a little strange that they will allow you to have access to their data for $9.95 for thirty days, billed automatically thereafter at $5.95 per month.
"There is also the increasing problem that men ask their female counterparts to cover and conceal their vagina’s from view either by asking then to wear some panties of some other garment, so they do not see their vagina when making love. This problem is getting so bad because men are not finding women with a vagina that they prefer, over half of the male population have asked their partner to cover their vagina from their view. "
Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
It’s just a matter of opinion, but, you are so wrong.
I am sure the site is as genuine as the $9.95 price-tag to register suggests – it almost certainly funds itself on the prurience of adolescent males, the quotes are laughable.
It makes me kind of icky to boast, but I was having a conversation with a long-time friend and she remembered a time shortly after her second child that she asked me to check if she was “alright”. We weren’t lovers at the time so that was pretty damned trusting of her. I told her honestly what I thought.
I was absolutely gob-smacked when more than ten years later she tells me that she was grateful to know that she was normal and that I’d restored her confidence no end (and I was so, um, flattered, to have helped).
So that’s my boast, pathetic isn’t it? BUT, this woman was (and still is) damned fucking attractive, really she would universally be received as “hot”, yet she harboured such negative opinions about the shape of her vulva that she remembers reassurances many years later.
People who prey on other people’s fears are scum. No matter who the target “audience” is for the site, they are part of the problem.
And on preview, what Feynn said, eight years? Pah! light-weights!
I’m with Guin here. Who the hell cares what your vulva looks like as long as it’s healthy? Are there really women out there wallowing in despair over the length to width ratio of their labia minora? Are there men out there who actually give a flying fuck about this? And there are actually plastic surgeons who have no qualms about taking thousands of dollars and reinforcing beauty terror tactics by agreeing to hack apart perfectly normal cooters?
