Genius Thread of Comments on Wanking on Guardian Website

[ColonelDax]

Enjoy, there are some great ones here. But 20 hours a day? Gotta be a typo.

[Superhal]

@ColonelDax

Enjoy, there are some great ones here. But 20 hours a day? Gotta be a typo.

Dude, the last thing I need is instruction on wanking.

[jjimm]

I am completely LOLing here. Tears in my eyes.

For someone to masturbate 20 hours a day, they would have to wake up wanking, shower wanking and breakfast wanking. They would have to wank on the bus to work, wank at work, wank in meetings, wank in Starbucks at lunchtime, wank on the bus home, wank from the bus stop to the front door, wank at dinner, wank at the movies, wank at the dentists, wank in Tesco, wank in Harrods and wank in McDonald’s.

They would have to wank in the car, wank on the train and wank on the plane. They would have to wank at weddings and wank at funerals. Wank at Christmas, wank at Easter and wank all over Halloween. They would have to wank while the doctor treated them for Repetitive Strain Injury.

And they’d still only get 4 hours sleep a day.

I’m surprised the wife didn’t notice sooner.

[jjimm]

The above comment reminds me of this classic Big Train sketch.

[Malacandra]

I lost it round about here:

kovo42

Due to my disbelief and curious nature, I took it upon myself to try masturbating for twenty hours in one go.
After an hour and a half my arm started to cramp, after two hours I was in need of food and water, after three hours my little soldier started bleeding, and after four hours of vigorously ransacking my dignity, I was lying in a pool of my own perspiration, blood and reproductive mucus, crying, dehydrated, and paralysed down the right hand side with the sort of burning pain that comes from running a half marathon in a gas mask
The gentleman in question is either superhuman or has a robotic arm and shaft. It’s impossible for a normal human to masturbate for twenty hours a day, especially on no more than four hours sleep.

[Ludovic]

I I had a wanker, I’d wank in the morning…