At first I read this as ‘seeks “swarthy” woman’.
I snorted at the pregnant line:
“You might be convinced that this is the man for your pregnant ass, but you are dead wrong. Walk away, bumpy.”
Walk away, “bumpy”? That is fucking comedy gold.
ETA: This is an ideal candidate for an arranged marriage. Go back to Pakistan, or India, or wherever, get a very simple, obedient little peasant girl, bring her back to the States. She will love the new life, and you can get your little slave.
Well, Right up until she makes some American friends and gets out a little and learns how good she can have it here. 
Umm, ever heard of a little thing called FAQ #25? It’s like you didn’t even study it. You are so going to fail the test.
My eyes glazed over and I got bored by then. I failed it long since, anyway - I’m 37! :eek: Practically an old hag.
Douchebag, straight up!
My favorite part…“Get it?”
Swarthy can be very good. 
Agghhh. My eyes!
My favorite personal ad of all time:
“Quasimodo, loathesome, seeks a beautiful Esmeralda. Must like bells.”
True. Perhaps I should write my own 28 question “FAQ” on “Craigslist” to find ““Mr. Perfect””.
Well, I haven’t mastered the art of improper capitalization, so maybe I’m not worthy. 
So he’s looking for women between the ages of 18 and 27, and says that he’s between the ages of “30 and 39,” and he won’t tell you his height because “inches on a ruler” don’t matter.
He’s turning 52 next week, is 5’3", and has a small…intellect.
I wonder how many “girlfriends” or WIVES he’s had. And how many kids.
ZERO!
He is a “pure” gentleman and not a filthy “sexhaver” or “breeder”. Get it?
(Seriously, I love all of the uses of the phrase “get it”. No, my feeble female mind has trouble comprehending your brilliant ad.)
Oh my gawd, he sounds “perfect” for me! I need to get to Craigslist posthaste and reply as “sincerely” as my interest “warrants.” I’m stoked that maybe I’ve “found” my Prince Charming! Swoon swoon “swoon.”
Also I just bet “inches on a ruler don’t matter,” Mr. 3.2.
The worst part is that some of his, um, “requests” are not so bad - Need to live in the same area, doesn’t want someone looking for a date in 3 weeks, doesn’t want huge drama or a daddy’s girl.
It’s the ridiculous requirements for a response and assumption that he is nigh-perfect just because he said that ruins it. Well, and the terrible grammar and punctuation.
What’s strange (well, among the many strange things) is that he has to specifically say that he’s not interested in a woman (a girl, more like) who has to deal with a curfew or who has to ask her parents’ permission to go somewhere. Does he encounter that so often that he needs to make it part of his “FAQ”?
Answer: he’s basically a professional creeper.
I was coming at it from the other perspective - I think this guy has been rejected by all his local matchmakers. 
Hey now! There’s no reason to get personal!
Ummm … I mean at him. There’s no reason to get personal at him.
This reminds me of something a coworker posted on Facebook several months ago. He was looking for a relationship with a woman, but basically wrote his FB post like a job posting, with a long list of requirements that the candidate needed to meet in order to be considered for the position. :rolleyes:
(As far as I know, he’s still single.)
I do miss the 70’s.
I never minded exploring a bit before finding treasure!