I am trying to create a funny shirt for my friend’s 30th birthday party. It is German themed and I need a very vulgar phrase translated. The phrase is… " I get really slutty when I am Drunk."
Now this is at the birthday girl’s request, I’m really not that much of a bitch. I know the litteral translation my seem odd so I need advice from either native Germans or fluent speakers. If there is a equivalent German saying please let me know asap.
I haven’t lived there in quite a while, so I’m probably off a bit (and my tenses are probably crap), but the official version is probably something like “Ich bin hurenhaft wenn Ich besoffen bin.”, which isn’t very fun. If you don’t need it to be perfect prose, then something along the lines of “Wenn dicht, denn nuttig” or something like that might be a bit more your liking. You can also substitute “blau” for “dicht”, if you like the sound better, but “dicht” sounds similar to “dicked” (actually more like deeked, but close enough), which seems to fit better to me.
Someone will hopefully come along and clean up any spelling or grammar errors.
A little side note. I honestly don’t remember “nuttig” being used commonly, but that could be a regional thing. Where I lived “geil”, which is actually closer to “horny” in meaning was the most common phrase for that situation.
Shouldn’t that be “Wenn dicht/blau, dann nuttig/geil”?
Geil definitely sounds better, but it’s probably more than what the OP is asking for. And I think blau is more commonly used than dicht - I just don’t remember hearing the latter at all.
That’s a bit formal, almost archaic. You should be careful about “Hure” and derived words because those have strong associations with professional prostitutes. Female prostitutes use the word to refer to themselves but it isn’t used for other women except as a grave insult. Unless you really want to say that money was exchanged for sexual services, avoid it.
It’s relatively common but it’s about style, not so much about behaviour.
I agree, “geil” would sound natural but unfortunately the meaning is noticeably different.
I am finding out from many people that this is a very unusual, if not hard phrase to translate. Let me ask then are there any suggestions for funny phrases that are commom in Germany. Like phrases that are associated with drinking and naughty behavior.
The shirt will have a little cartoon of a martini glass that has a face on it. The face on the glass is female and looks really drunk. Any good suggestions of German Phrases to go on this shirt? Thanks for your input. 
A more tame phrase might be “Wenn ich blau bin, sehen alle Männer gut aus” (When I am drunk, all men are handsome") - assuming your friend is straight, else Männer -> Frauen.
Breitgeil, maybe?
Breit means wide and is also slang for pissed or drunk. Geil means horny and is often compounded with a fancy or fetish… for example, if one is perchance into fisting, then one is Faustgeil
This also has a triple meaning of sorts–
1.“Wide Horny”
2. “Plastered Horny”
3. It’s a letter off, but Bereit (B’reit) means “ready” in German. So in combination with geil it sort of has the connotation of “primed and ready”, so to speak.
Thank you, That is a perfect phrase to put on the shirt.
I guess I should clarify the meaning a little better. I did a pretty bad translation job. Breitgeil would be comparable to “Drunk and Horny” , or "Broadly horny/slutty ("I’ll fuck just about anything…I get turned on by everything)- with the built in double entendre’ of (“especially, while I’m drunk”)