Ah, you wanted a better class of humor! Less Andrew Dice Claymore Noel Coward?
Hie, hie, hie! That wouldst be Fat Halbert coming for thou, verily!
I used to know a knife collector named Susan. She was also an unabashed lush, with gin & tonic as her favorite drink. Her nickname was Gin Sue.
Let me just say this: I always carry a pocket knife. It comes in handy on an irregular basis. I once rescued a lecturer by retrieving a stuck slide from a slide projector. I never carry it on airplanes. I have encourage my adult kids to carry a pocket knife. Just sayin’. End of mini editorial. Now, please get back to the clever stuff. Such as:
I saw a knife in a knife shop that I immediately recognized from my childhood. I was labeled Stiff Boner. I emailed this news to my son and daughter and added, “We can all be glad that my dad had a Stiff Boner.”
^Are you in this clip?
Ave, Scissor! We who are about to die salad-shooter you!
Favorite Queen album? “Shear Heart Attack.”
Great slice-of-life experience!
None of these lame puns have caused me to laugh. Not even a chuckle. Not even a titter.
Not even a snickersnee.
Yeah, well, uh, corkscrew you, man!
You and what Swiss Army?
Ah, the Helvetian Sharp-shooters?