I would also like to pit the assholes who will park their 7 year old and their infant child in an ‘adult’ movie such as The Hulk, and then fuck off to do their shopping or whatever.
The Hulk, loud, noisy, scary movie (for small kids). Infant. Started screaming and wailing. 7 year old, wanting to watch the rest of the movie, no parents in sight. I actually ended up going over and asking the kid to get the baby out of the cinema, it was screaming that loud that it was almost obscuring the dialogue. I felt kinda sorry for the kid, but damn - the cinema is not your fucking babysitter, and neither’s a seven year old kid. Take your infants with you if you want to do your shopping, assbasket!
This is why I wish studios would actually release films with the NC-17 rating more often. Other than the odd foreign or independant film it’s never used, yet it provides the perfect excuse for theatres to keep children out of adult-themed movies.
Which reminds me of a funny incident when I lived in London. A group of friends and I went to see Gladiator at a rather large theater, somewhere near Russell Square, IIRC.
During the first big gladiator competition, there’s the part in which Russell Crowe uses two swords to scissor off the head of an opponent. The head pops off with a big to-do. My friends and I were really, really into the movie, and we started wildly appluading. I think one of my buddies actually stood up pumped his fist, and went, “Yeah!!!” or something like that.
It was as if the whole theater came to an immediate halt. Every single freakin’ head turned and glowered at us, like we had just farted on their heads.
First, I was amazed at the uniformity of disapproval. Second, I really thought everyone was being extremely uptight, seeing as how we were all respectfully silent during every other part of the film. Third, I wish all theater patrons would react this way to people who hold goddamned conversations through films.
I went to Fanastic Four yesterday. Picked a nice seat away from everyone - and the theater, at its fullest, was half-empty.
And yet, this lady and her daughter had to come and sit right behind me. And carry on whispered conversations. And occasionally bump my chair. After one particular bump, I finally moved over a couple of seats to escape.
As annoying as they were, the small family horde who came in ten minutes late and sat relatively near me, split over two rows, was in some ways worse. The movie was PG-13, see, and yet the mother seemed to possess the audacity to be astonished each and every time there was a curseword uttered. I just wanted to turn to her and say “What the HELL did you expect?”
We saw Bad News Bears yesterday (blech, btw). In the row behind us was a man and his two kids, a 6 year old boy and a 4 year old girl. The little girl brought her teddy bears to play with. Loudly. Whenever there was a fistfight on screen (and there were many), the boy would run up and down the row doing his version of Kung Foo Fightin’. Loudly.
After living through a similar hell at another movie house last weekend (CatCF) and having the matter resolved nicely by management, I went and talked to a manager at this theater. What a waste of flesh. “Uh, you want me to do something about it?” No, just thought I’d let you know, putz.
All right, all right. Saturday I went to see a matinee of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory at our brand new super duper megaplex that just opened this weekend*. I fully expected it to be packed with kids. It was. They talked a little, screamed a little, it’s all good. I was expecting it. What I was not expecting was a full grown man to sit right behind us and giggle loudly after every.single.line. Or finish sentences for the characters.
Wonka: “I guess you must be the children’s p…pa…urg…par…”
Annoying guy: “Parents! Guh-haw! Guh-haw! Guh-haw!”
He was tapping his foot on Bird Man’s chair and generally being more disruptive than all the kids put together. I could have killed that twat.
*I luuuuuurve our new movie theater. We had two in our fair city that were both owned by the same company. The closest competition was easily 45 minutes away, so they had no reason to worry about losing business. They were dank, dirty, smelly (like a can redemption center), gross, the picture and sound quality were awful. There were a solid five minutes of commercials before every movie, and then at least 15 minutes of previews. This new place? Lobby well lit, open, friendly staff! Floors were sparkling. You mean I can actually put my purse on the floor and not worry about it becoming permanently bonded? Comfy chairs, stadium seating. NO commercials and minimal previews! Good god it was a beauty. I saw two movies this weekend. I saw the owner and shook his hand.
This happened when we went to Trans Siberian Orchestra last year…the people in the row behind us kept talking…so you know when the music builds and you’re just about ready to scream, you want the orchestra to come together so powerfully? All we can hear is “blah, blah, blah, blah”. We shushed them twice, then my hubby turned around and said" shut the fuck up" - they left!
Maybe you should consider going to the late showing? Probably fewer kids at that one. Then again, the same parents who take their kids to inappropriate movies probably also let them stay up way too late. (Although I don’t really consider March of the Penguins or Charlie and the Factory to be inappropriate movie choices. Sure, Penguins is a documentary, but it’s clearly being marketed as a family movie.)
Personally, I’m in the minority (apparently) that doesn’t want to see movies in silence. I love it when the audience cheers, gasps, laughs, screams, etc. But yeah, talking doesn’t exactly enhance my movie going experience. (Especially when they’re not even talking about the damn movie.)
Now the fuckwits with the laser pointers, they’re the ones who deserve a special place in hell.
Yeah, there was one time when I had a real zinger (at the right moment, I’d yell out “THAT’S GOTTA HURT!”), but this dude with a laser pointer totally stole my thunder. Followed me around for the rest of the day, too.
Not only is it usually your own private (or at most you and a handful of other peoples’ private ) showing. The popcorn is fresh, and no one ever checks your purse or pockets for "outside food’.
i love eating popcorn at the movies but hate the noise when its quiet if i have popcorn in my mouth i stop chewing to shut up hehehe lots of people don’t though and it annoys me too
I went to the movie War of the Worlds last week on a Sunday matinee and the guy beside me had his 4 year old daughter in his lap, she kicked me, the seat in front and kept trying to talk during the movie. Finally he proceeds to spank the crap out of her, tells her to shut up and be still and so she wimpers and cries for the next 30 minutes.
Then the family behind us had a baby with them that whimpered and cried alot.
Besides the noise level they caused, I cannot imagine what goes through a 4 year old’s mind as she sees people being killed on screen?
I even heard the little girl tell her dad that she was scared and she buried her head in his shirt.
Well, back to me and my comfort level…I paid $8 for this movie…So shut up and shut your kids up if you are dumb enough to bring them to an adult movie!!!
He took a four-year old to see War of the Worlds?!?
That film scared me in places and I’m by no means easily scared, I can’t imagine what it would be like for a very young child watching it…
btw having your pockets searched for food before entering the cinema? I’d tell the owner in no uncertain terms that I’ll take my custom elsewhere and not be back and make sure that my friends and acquaintances do the same.
The worst kid at the movies incident I have ever seen was when I saw LOTR in a second run theatre. It was a Tuesday and the tickets were even cheaper, I think it was around $1.50 so really, if you have to leave during the movie you are not breaking the bank. This lady came in with a toddler. Let the kid run up and down the aisles, and surprise surprise the kid started to flip out during the battle scenes. Now instead of leaving the theatre like a sane person would she picked the kid up and headed to the back of the theatre to watch it from there, like the extra 10 feet difference made his sobs any quieter.
Heh heh I haven’t. But then, I’m a frumpy old lady. I have been to theatres where they’ve asked people (agism I know) who were youngish and appeared to maybe have too full purses or pockets to please empty them.
Yikes. It’s been a while since I’ve seen that, but still, as a person who is a hardcore “outside food” criminal, a person gets a bit paranoid.
I’m not trying to rip them off, they just never have anything I like. And besides, I do buy the popcorn.
Times have changed. When I was a braceface in high school (early 80s), I used to bring my own huge bag of hull-less popcorn because I couldn’t have the regular kind, and nobody said boo.
when its quiet if i have popcorn in my mouth i stop chewing to shut up hehehe lots of people don’t though and it annoys me too 