Get your damn noisy kids out of the movie theatre!

The BBQ Pit
1

Yes, this is another fucking Don’t-bring-your-damn-children-to-the-movies rant. Deal with it or get the hell out of the thread.

You. Yeah, You. The one in the back row that saw fit to bring 4 (or five- I don’t know which of the group of children belonged to you) kids under the age of 6 to see March of the Penguins- I Do Not Fucking Appreciate it. Here’s a little hint: Just because a movie is rating G does not mean that it is a kid’s movie. You brought them to a documentary, for crying out loud! You expect those kids, even the one who appeared to be at most 2 years old, to sit through a documentary?

It was a beautiful and touching movie. It would have been absolutely incredible had I not had to put up with the improvisational narration going on in the row behind me. I mean, yeah, the movie needed narration, but that’s why they had Morgan Freeman. And hearing “Baby!” and “Mommy, LOOK!” every three seconds was getting a little old.

There was a beautifully done scene where a penguin lovingly ran his beak over his mate’s head. It was incredibly touching. Or at least, supposed to be. Apparently, it was too boring for the poor kids, since they were making noise about it- I don’t really blame them. I wouldn’t have appreciated it at their age, either. However, I do blame you. You shouldn’t have brought them. Wait for the movie to come out on DVD, or find someone to take care of them so you can see it without them.

You knew there was a problem. And what did you do? “Shut up,” you exclaimed about halfway through the movie. First of all, this is not quite the wording I would have chosen, but I can deal with that. Second of all, you were every bit as loud as the commentary your darling progeny were creating. Third of all, if you know there’s a problem (and you obviously did), and it’s not getting better, despite your feeble verbal efforts, get off your ass and take the damn kids outside! Yeah, sure, you’d miss some of the movie, but it’s not fair that we have to put up with all of that.

And you, the lady two rows in front of me: I have to give you credit for trying to teach your daughter how to whisper. At least you put forth more effort than the lady behind me. However, if you could maybe point out to the kid that a whisper is supposed to be below the normal level of conversational volume, that would be great. Thanks.

Kind of a lame rant, I know, but I had to vent a bit. I HATE when this happens.

And to end this on a rather more cheerful note, I have discovered that baby penguins have to be just about the cutest things ever (don’t tell my dog; she’d get jealous). Maybe if I slapped on some fake fins no one would notice that a pet penguin didn’t fit under the “fish only” dorm pets rule…

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For best results, say the above to the person in the theatre, not on a message board the next day.

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Can I slide in here under different movie, same rant? Went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory yesterday. Two rows back and just to our right was a man and his son, who appeared to be about 10-12. I’ll preface this next by saying we had our handicapped son with us, who possesses an IQ of 47, and who knows to stay quiet in the movie theatre. This son made frequent loud comments on the movie, usually during the slower or calmer parts. My wife shushed in his direction twice, and at no time did I hear the boy’s father attempt to hush his son. After that, I suspected the boy was also handicapped, from hearing what he had to say and the tone of his voice. I whispered in her ear what I suspected and she relented, but the boy’s comments continued unimpeded. I even heard his father carrying on a conversation with the boy. I had settled down to just try and ignore it the best I could, understanding the boy’s condition, when I heard the boy say something about deja vu. Not only did he know the words, he apparently knew their meaning, since he used them at an appropriate time to comment on what was happening. I was steamed all over again, but then I realized it’s not the boy’s fault. We have taught our son courtesy and when to behave, and this boy’s father had not done so. Thus, just like you, monica, I pit the parent. Bringing a child into this world is a common miracle, and the raising of said child is not a one-true-way-only choice, but manners, courtesy, and consideration for others helps all of us peacefully co-exist. Too bad it sometimes seems like a dying art.

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That’s why I only go to about three movies per year. And I still have to put up with that shit.

The theater owners are wondering why the money isn’t coming through the door anymore. Maybe they should sit in their own theaters now and then.

My money no longer goes to tickets. It’s already in my bigscreen TV and video rentals.

I plan to see the March of the Penguins, but I guess it will be in 5 to 8 months…on DVD.

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We went to see “Constantine” in the cheap theatres a while ago. There were, of course, small children in there watching it. This was not in any way, shape, or form a movie for children - when the first gruesome death of the movie happened, it shocked me - I don’t know what impact it would have had on a grade-schooler.

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I think that’s an important point. I recall hearing stories from people on this message board who complained to theatre managers about disruptive patrons, only to find that management isn’t that interested in fixing the problem.

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When I went to see March of the Penguins the theatre was FULL of kids and there was a particularly noisy, obnoxious family behind us.

Besides kids in March of the Penguin (I kind of understand kids talking in movies - they’re kids), what’s up with ADULTS constantly talking in movies? It’s getting worse and worse. Nearly every movie I go to has someone yakking.

I swear video not only killed the radio star, it’s about to kill the movie star. People are so used to being able to watch movies on their couch and pause it and talk as much as they want, they just can’t behave in theatres these days.

It’s a shame, I love the movie going experience - the big screen, the comfy seats, the popcorn, the darkness, but my blood pressure just can’t the rudeness much longer. If you are the movies, STAY QUIET, people pay obscene amounts of money for movies these days and they deserve to listen to the movie in SILENCE.

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People talking during films in the cinema should be summarily executed by a bullet to the back of the head in front of the screen and their bodies left there as a warning to the others.

Strangely enough the cinemas here in Northern Ireland aren’t too bad, its the exception to hear someone making noise rather than the rule, I lived in England for a while and I was shocked at how people behaved in the movie theatre, it was unbelievable and totally ruined any movies I went to see.

Example A: The two teenagers who sat behind me during the second episode of Kill Bill and talked the entire time things got the slightest bit quiet on screen, also one of them hadn’t seen the first part so the other had to spend his time answering his loudly stated questions and filling in the backstory…

They were making so much noise that I thought it was about six or seven teenagers and not two, otherwise I’d have reached behind me and snapped their necks like a stick.

And they say movies make people violent…

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The new television ads for MotP touts it as the perfect family movie with lots of 8 - 12 year olds saying how much they love the movie.

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There’s a special hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.

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This reminds me of a funny incident- my friend and I were at the movies and they were still showing the slide-show triva/ad part. The house lights were up and people were taking their seats. I turned to say something to her, and as soon as I started to talk a little girl (maybe 6) says “SHHHHHHHHHHH! Lady! You’re not supposed to talk at the movies!!!”

I could not convince her that it was OK because the previews hadn’t even started- she just sat there glaring at me while her mother melted into the seats and prayed for a hole to open up and swallow her. I did gently explain that she was absolutely right- there is no talking in the movies once they turn the lights down, and I promised I wouldn’t talk.

Apparently she was very concerned about missing the finer plot points of Robots.

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When I go to the cinema the kids there are usually well behaved. The one time I can remember a kid being noisy, the father took him out of the cinema. It’s teenagers that are usually the ones to piss me off. (Obviously I’m not talking about all teens here.)

When there was a group of them in front of me being noisy, we told them to shut up many times. They just wouldn’t listen! I was reduced to kicking their seats just to piss them off. They left shortly before the film ended. I think they were worried about being beaten up by the guys in the group I was with.

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The Alamo Drafthouse chain runs spots before movies with the tagline “No talking or we’ll take your ass out.”

The best of these featured George Romero, saying “I hate it when people talk during movies. In fact, I kill them. And thennnn, they come back to life.”

It shows zombie footage from his movies, then the screen reads “No talking or George Romero will take your ass out and make you one of his living dead.”

I’m convinced the Drafthouse is poised to take over the world simply because audiences are quiet. Except on Baby Days, no one under six is ever permitted in the theater, and anyone under 18 must be accompanied by a parent or guardian. They serve food, so people’s mouths are full, and you can flag down a waiter if people are talking.

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Considering the fact that this thread pits, in part, kids who are noisy at the theater, would that really be hell for the child molesters?

ooh, maybe I’M going to hell for that one…

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I was just about to chime in that they are advertising Penguins as a family movie now.

I hate when kids talk during movies, but may I add another, related rant?

Chew with your fucking mouth closed! I end up damn near twitching while sitting through movies because SO MANY people think it is cool to slurp and chomp and make all kinds of disgusting chewing/drinking noises. Granted, popcorn isn’t the quietest snack, but CLOSING YOUR MOUTH MAKES A WONDERFUL SOUND BARRIER!!

::twitches::

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It would if the molesters were strapped into movie seats and the kids were in the row behind them, screeching and kicking to their demonic little hearts’ content.

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Our trips to the movies usually involve one of two cinemas.

The first is the local “art house” cinema, a small place in the city with six screens that generally shows films that don’t make it to the multiplexes.

The second is a Loews in the suburbs.

In the first, the audience is invariably quiet. In the second, there are invariably a bunch of inconsiderate assholes.

It’s been quite a while since we’ve been to the Loews, and we now avoid it unless there’s a movie that we absolutely have to see on the big screen. It’s usually fine for loud, fast action movies, because the mouthbreathers are generally so caught up in the action that they don’t bother making a noise. But if there’s a quiet spot in the film that exceeds the 26-second attention span of these morons, the talking and giggling begins.

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When I went to see “Revenge of the Sith”, there were two little kids in the seat behind me, who kept asking stupid questions and making comments out loud during the entire film. After a while, I was ready to cut off their heads with a lightsaber.

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I’ve heard this was a common complaint with Fantasia. Because it was a cartoon, and a Disney cartoon no less, all and sundry brought their toddlers to it, who were first terrified by the Sorcerers Apprentice sequence, then subsequently bored and fidgety from the rest.

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Update to this thread.

I can understand parents bringing their children to see March of the Penguins - but Murderball? I went to see Murderball last night in Seattle and a couple brought their toddler. The toddler wasn’t terrible (no loud screaming or crying) but he kept talking to himself in a very loud tone of voice (happy talking). It was still unbelievably obnoxious. It was definitely NOT a children’s movie in any way.

For adult movies - STAY QUIET, leave your kids at home! If your kids start to make noise, take them out of the theatre immediately!!