So, I’ve been meaning to get back in touch with my best friend from high school for about 2 years, but have put it off until now, for various reasons. The last time I had any contact with him was Oct. 1998 when I called to see if he was going to be at our 10 year high school reunion. I got ahold of him just as he was getting back from his honeymoon and he didn’t sound real happy to hear from me.
We had a falling out over two things:
Princess Di’s death (long and stupid, basically both of us were too stubborn to apologize)
I think my friend was a bit tired of having to deal with the whole “Ben Conover Experience” and all that it entailed at the time.
So, what would be the best way to get in touch. I wrote him an actual letter, as that seems to be the safest and least stressful thing. In it I just go into extremely brief details of what I’ve been doing for the last 4 years. I figure if he doesn;t want to read it he can chuck it whereas if i call him, then we have to play that whole “How do I get the fuck out of talking with him” thing.
This is most likely IMHO. I think that it doesn’t matter what format you use to communicate. But writing or email seems so impersonal. I’d try a brief tel. call. Keep a timer. I’ve had a few old acquaintances and sort-of-friends contact me. Not all were keepers.
I used an email to get back in touch with my best friend after having had no contact with him for two years. It worked. We became good friends again – for six months, until we had another little falling out which lasted two years. Then a few months ago, I sent him another email, now we’re best friends yet again. Strange!
So, yeah, from my experience, I’d recommend a letter or email. I just told him what I had been doing over the last few years, nothing heavy. Good luck!
I like the e-mail idea. That way he’s not surprised by your getting in touch and needing to react immediately. He can read and re-read your letter (e-mail) and decide what he’d like to do. Also, you can construct and edit what you originally say so that it all comes out the way you want it.
I think that one thing you could do is to acknowledge that you might have been a difficult person in the past. Also that you hope any future friendship will start on a different foot.
I have a friend with whom I have had a serious falling out. When I consider what (if any) circumstances would have to exist before we could be friends again it does come down to this: unless she aknowledged her past hurtful actions I would blow her off.
My best man let me down in a pretty serious way during my honeymoon and we had no contact for two years afterwards (except for one awkward wedding reception of a mutual acquaintance). 9/11 happened and since he used to work for Morgan Stanley in NYC, I dropped him a line (postcard) telling him I was thinking of him. No real catch-up details since I figured that could wait.
I like the postcard idea (basic greeting, contact info, 1-2 “What I’m doing” sentences) because (1) it forces you to keep things brief and not overly-explain stuff, (2) a telephone call could be strange since IMHO they’re more awkward (the silences, etc.) than writing, plus you don’t know whether you might call at a bad time or under bad circumstances, (3) there’s no pressure for him/her to respond similarly, so they can choose whatever option (phone, e-mail, letter) they want, and (4) everyone likes getting postcards!
Only drawback is if you don’t have a snail mail address.
