Getting rid of Scott

The BBQ Pit
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My wife’s oldest friend has a boyfriend who is a real motherfucker.

She is 50 years old and has been married six times, so I’m under no illusions as to her being the easiest person to live with. She’s into Kung Fu (instructs on occasion), is a Buddhist, has her own apartment and is currently working as a bus driver.

Her current flame, however. Man, oh man, how and/or WHY does she bother to even talk to this creep?

He’s about 10 years her junior. A divorced, conservative christian with two children.

He doesn’t like her being into Kung Fu. Probably because she could kick his ass six ways from sunday.

He doesn’t like her being Buddhist. Tough Shit.

They went for councelling. She broke up with him after this prick told the councellor (in front of her) that he was only with her because she was so attractive. Sadly, she took him back.

And even more sadly, she didn’t see the humor in my proposed (joke) solution to the Scott problem.

My idea;

We (my wife and I) would get a bottle of Ether and a rag. I would walk up behind him somewhere and take him down, hopefully without him seeing me.

We would then sedate him and put him in the car. Drive about 500 miles to the middle of Bumfuck, South Dakota, about 60-80 miles from the highway. Strip him naked, pour whiskey all over him and drop him in the middle of nowhere.

Naked, reeking of whiskey, no money or ID, 500 miles from home, 60+ miles from a major road. No idea of how he got there.

Now what possibly could be wrong with that? :smiley:

My other idea, since he’s such a raging homophobe, is to take a sharpie along to some gay bars and write on the mens room walls;

Scott xxx-xxxx Very Receptive!

Am I so wrong to think these horrible thoughts?
:stuck_out_tongue:

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I’m wondering something. If this guy is a Christian, why is he dating a Buddhist?

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i have been to bumfuck, south dakota. sounds like he would fit right in!

5

Maybe he loves her.

Even jerks fall in love.

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I’m sorry the entire cadre sounds like a caste of loosers to me. I say fuck 'em all and be done with it. What a nasty business.

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Should he not be? Did I miss something? He might be a jerk, but what’s to stop a (nominally) Christian jerk dating a Buddhist?

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RickJay that’s not love, that’s merely lust. Love involves accepting things about the other person that aren’t going to change. Sounds to me that he’s asking her to change, giving her flack for her established personality etc. He admitted he’s only dating her because “she’s so attactive”. It’s just his dick talking, not his heart.

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So its lust that he likes her because she is attractive?

Are you saying that in order for people to be in love with each other they have to have zero physical attraction to each other? Could you be in love with someone you weren’t physically attracted to? If you think about it, its being shallow either way.

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Not at all, Incubus I’m VERY attracted to my husband, but I accept that he’s not going to stop wearing his trench coat in the summer heat unless he wants to etc. What I meant was that according to the information that the OP gave, this guy only wants sex from the woman. He doesn’t care about her as a person, or he’d accept the fact that she’s Buddhist, and does Kung Fu. Those things are not harmful to her health or illegal, therefore, he’s just pestering her because they are things that he can’t accept. Therefore, it’s probably more of a case of lust, over love.

Otherwise, he’d wouldn’t have admitted that the only reason he’s even dating (read, “putting up with”) her is that she’s attractive. That’s just not something you say, or an attitude you have, if you have any regard for the person you are dating at all. It shows a lack of respect for the person, but a desire for her “hole”. He basically stated he didn’t want the personality, but he did want the body. That’s lust, not love there’s a big difference between wanting someone’s body, but not their personality, and wanting the person’s body, AND their personality, to the point of accepting the personality “quirks” of the desiree.

That said, I’ll boggle your minds a bit. Even though I think my husband is a gorgeous male, I’d still have ended up in a lifelong relationship with him, if he were a female. I love WHO he is that much. I’m as straight as they come too, but this is an attraction to a soul if you will, more than a body. And I’ll re-iterate, I think he’s gorgeous. I thought he was very attractive when I first saw him, before I even got to know him.

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Chimera, I hope you are going to take what I am going to say in the spirit intended.

Unless this man is abusing her physically or threatens her (or her children, if she has any) in some way…

MYOB.

Yes. I know it is horrible having to watch her go through this. Yes, I understand that he is (or appears to be) a controlling man with very hurtful (and, I might add, unChristian) attitudes. But the thing is, she is choosing to be with him. She doesn’t sound like a whimpering mass of cowardice, in fact she sounds far from it. So she isn’t being coerced in any way to stay.

You have made your case to her, and it is time to leave it alone. If you DON’T, and should she finally come to the conclusion that you are RIGHT…and if you have continually harped on it, you might find that you have driven her away to the point that she won’t feel comfortable coming to you for help…or a shoulder to cry on…or whatever she needs. And THAT is when she is going to need her friends.

Right now, she is choosing one path. With time, hopefully she will choose another. I would hate to see anything done now that will prevent you all from helping her to pick up the pieces LATER.

I think the time has come to just tell her you love her, and are here for her NO MATTER WHAT.

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Uh-huh.

I do not think that is a logical leap.

Marriages do not necessarily dissolve because of personaliity conflicts.

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I think this woman is addicted to being married.

But, what Scotti said, it is really none of your business. It is, seemingly, a car accident happening in super slow motion.

Your role is to be a helpless bystander on the side lines, grimacing through the whole wreck. It’s brutal to watch other people make stupid mistakes,we cannot or should not do for someone what they should be doing for themselves.

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Hmm…I don’t feel drunk…

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Perhaps I’m missing something, but what’s wrong with that? I’m Buddhist and my boyfriend’s Christian. We’ve been together for more than two years and haven’t had any problems. Neither of us are very religious, but we certainly feel strongly about our beliefs. One of these beliefs is being accepting of others, no matter what religious background that person has.

As to the OP, I know how you feel. I also have a friend in what I see as a very unhealthy relationship, but I know I shouldn’t do anything about it. She will need to learn from her mistakes, even if it results in some heartache down the road. We just cannot put all our energy into protecting everyone around us. The best you can do is be there for her when she needs you and not be judgemental of her decisions.

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Yes, I agree with Scotticher and **lilbtagna[B/] there really isn’t anything you can do about it. She knows he’s using her, and she’s letting him do it for now. You and your wife should let her know you are nearby if she needs you, and let things “come to a head” and “burst”. It’s all you really can do, and it feels crappy too.

But, it’s better to sit by helplessly and watch a friend set themselves up to get bonked on the head, and be there to help, then to alienate them to the point they won’t let you comfort them. Let her pick herself up, and get back on the proper path, or the learning experience won’t be complete. Offer her comfort, but she’s got to “clean up her own mess” otherwise another one will happen. Sometimes you gotta be a bit tough with love, even with adult friends and family. We all continue to learn and grow throughout our lives, or we stagnate and wither. Hopefully she’ll learn from this, and grow stronger and better able to find a healthy relationship.

Good Luck…

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Her boyfriend doesn’t sound like a particularly wonderful person, but then neither does she and quite frankly neither do you. She is obviously getting something out of the relationship despite your averson to her choice. MYOB
She is choosing to date a man who you describe thusly

If your wife had a friend who thought you were a

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:confused: :confused: :confused: Are you going to finish your thought, Astro?

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Drat it, and I misquoted you too, Astro. :frowning: Sorry. Wanders off in search of coffee

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[hi-jack]Nice “Memento” quote … brings back some good memories … heh, if you know what I mean. :slight_smile: [/hi-jack]