I disagree. I think if she was really in love with Big Steve, and Big Steve was really in love with her, the two of them would have found a way to solve this problem within the span of 4 years.
I mean, the chick is being unrealistic if she thinks he’s going to reverse an operation and commit to getting her pregnant and being a dad before she even finds him worth marrying. What, without giving her a kid, he’s worthless? People who are in love decide to confront problems TOGETHER, as a couple, but the couplehood comes FIRST.
Meanwhile, Steve’s fooling himself if he thinks he isn’t going to be completely ignored once she’s a mother.
I vote to move on and find a woman who loves you for YOU, and not just what you can do for her.
You mean picking up a kid that happily runs to **bigsteeve **on her chubby legs, arms outstretched, yelling: “Daddy, Daddy, I made you a drawing, see that is you there, next to Superman!”.
It takes a rather “special” kind of old-testamental machismo, or a rather pathetic social fear-of-being-thought-a-cuckold-by-other-sexually-insecure-gits, to feel resentful because the kid is not biologicaly yours at that point.
Normal people, especially if like the OP they already know from experience that they are daddy material, will do like any step parent or adoptive parent will do. And that is returning the kids hug, admiring the drawing, clean her runny nose, take her hand, and go home chatting while feeling like a lucky bastard.
Here’s how I see it: if having a kid was so tremendously important to her (and at 37 her time for childbearing really is rapidly running out) then she should have been more mature about the matter. She should have made it clear that she was going to get pregnant one way or another. If she happened to be hooked up with a man who was sterile (which is what a vasectomy makes you) then here were the alternatives for the two of you to consider in an open and frank manner:
Stay together and not have kids. Granted, this was a dealbreaker for her, but it should have been put on the table even if immediately eliminated by one of the two parties involved.
Stay together and she uses an alternative source of sperm. People have been doing this since forever, even if it hasn’t been discussed much. In this day and age you can use a sperm bank or, as noted, a male friend and a turkey baster. The upside is that everyone gets buy in to this plan before the baby is conceived.
Split so she can find a fertile man for herself and you don’t have to be a father again, even if socially rather than biologically.
What did you two do? You split, she used another man as a sperm donor (how does he feel about this mess? Was he aware she was seeking sperm?) Maybe she didn’t know for sure she was pregnant but I’m willing to bet she did absolutely nothing to prevent said pregnancy in the hopes it would happen. Then she gets back together with you, a man with a track record of raising kids and providing support for them.
She is a user as well as flagrantly dishonest and manipulative. It looks like she made two men unwitting fathers of this child. Potentially she can sue BOTH of you for child support, him on the basis of being bio-dad and you on the basis of any relationship you develop with the kid after his birth or, if you get married prior to the birth, on the basis of being her husband at the time of birth. She didn’t “break up with you”, she cheated on you to get sperm/pregnant.
Instead of going through a legal and open channel that will result in clear paternity and minimal or no complications she had to have her fun, her baby, and leave a legal mess behind that will likely wind up in court cases, custody agreements, and support payments.
Ditch this bitch and let her and Sperm Donor deal with this. It’s not fair to you. It’s not fair to your four bio-kids who should have first call on your time, energy, emotions, resources (if they need help) and in time your estate. (This would be entirely different if you were bio-dad here or consented to sperm donation in advance or adopted the kid but as it stands you’re being coerced into fatherhood) She doesn’t love you, she’s just loves using you.
Sure, she’s gorgeous. Probably a good lay, too, right? So what - find a gorgeous woman who’s fun in bed who won’t force you to be a father again without your consent.
Stop calling others trolls in this forum. I’ve already made mention of it before earlier in this thread. If you want to call names or make those accusations, take it to the Pit.
i was thinking like that at first …why couldnt she wait , if she really loved me she would have married me first , as a man i cant understand how she is feeling
as i stated i have a child that i pretty much raised from birth and she isnt legally mine , she calls me dad and her real dad by his first name…so to me that isnt a problem
if you have kids then you understand , if you dont then thats how you look at things
Do you want to marry this woman before, or after the child is born? What are the financial consequences of both decisions for you, the bio-dad, and your other chidren you still have to pay child support for ?
that is a easy one to answer
i had my first child when i was 19 years old actually 20 then my second came 1 1/2 later i married her cause i thought that was the right thing to do, terriable mistake. the second one i was in the relationship for just 2 years and she became pregnant. Once again i was in my 30’s this time so i onec again stayed to be near my child.
in my 40’s now im alot calmer , also i got to spend 4 years with this one with NO kids , i got to see what she is like as a person , enjoyed her company and she became my best friend and my lover…to me HUGE difference …!!!
I asked her twice to marry me but she declined cause she wanted to make sure that i could give her a child . she was married before for 13 yrs and had no children . she kept asking me to get reversed first and i never did . thats why i dont blame her ..i hesitated cause of my past relationships (which you should never do compare apples with oranges)
she has already told me and LOTS of woman do this she doesnt want support from me she just wants her child . if im there i will support her and her child as well
She’s a nutjob. I suspect she lied to you about not knowing she was pregnant after she got back together with you. Since she threatened to leave you if you didn’t knock her up, she left you fell on some random cock, probably telling him “don’t worry I’m on the pill” while she wasn’t came back to you lied some more.
Either way buddy settle in and get to work, your’ going to be paying for some one elses kid.
Not to be a jerk, but you will not listen to any of our advice anyway. The process of posting your feelings is certainly cathartic but nothing in this thread will alter what your heart tells you.
People are - generally speaking - ruled by emotions.
That said if you did use your head, you would see this is very VERY likely to not end well if you “stay”.
I have stated before why would i take the advise of people that i don’t know…!!!
im not able to discuss this with alot of people and to hold this all inside isn’t healthy , so im just using this as a sounding board, a place to vent and hear different views.
lots of people have given me good advise and have opened my eyes to things , but YES this is just to vent to hear feed back , so thank you
If she loves you so much, why didn’t she pay to have your vasectomy reversed?
$5,000.00 is a drop in the bucket when it comes to the cost of raising a child. If either one of you had saved $24 a week for those 4 years, you would have had the $5,000.00 for the reversal and she would be having your child.
Sounds like you didn’t really want it all that much to me.
lots of people have asked me that , some have asked why wont she pay for half…??
i cant tell you , and to make matters worse i got a loan but need a co-signer and she said no.
the only reason i can think of is that she just consolidated her bills and they told her not to take on any unnecessary expenses
no i do love her , alot , if the operation was free or $1000 no question it would be done , but $5000 is a lot to come up with all at once