the mother of my second child had a daughter that was 2 when i meet her and the father wasn’t no were in sight , i took on that child with no hesitation and to this day (she is now 19 0 she calls me dad and her real dad by his first name…
btw we broke up or 6 years ago…
kids don’t scare me …!!!
it just hurts that she waited almost 4 yrs and at the end when i decided to do it she did what she did
im just emotionally hurt thats all
She got knocked up by #2 and then came back to you, not knowing she was pregnant? Most women suspect within 2 weeks when they miss mother nature’s little red negative. If she was obsessed with getting with child, she was very very likely tracking this detail about timing. Several months? How far along was she when she came back to you? Seriously, if she wanted a baby like crazy, if it’s her obsesson, she pretty much knew…
So…
-Did she come back before the 2 weeks were up? (Does the ultrasound age verify this detail)
-or - did she go out, get knocked up and then decide you were the best choice for a daddy
-or - was #2 guy such a loser that you were a better choice? Was it even serious? How many different guys did she try with? Was it her plan all along to get knocked up by the next guy she met and then come back to you and act surprised?
The $64,000 question being, did she come back because she loves you, or because it’s “mission accomplished” and now you are just the best meal ticket in town?
Mys uggestion would be to keep things going, if that’s what you really want, but don’t let her move in until she’s had the baby and put someone else’s name on the birth certificate. meanwhile, talk to a lawyer about what it takes to avoid becoming responsible for child support in your state.
And if she starts to pull the “if you want to marry me, adopt my child too” - then kick her out.
Do you reallly think i would be with a woman that was that evil, you think i would even consider being with a woman for 4 years if she thought that way…
guys she isnt that bad, really , im glad you you are sticking up for me but she isnt anything like what you are picturing her to be like
she has never asked me for money in the 4 yrs of being together
we share everything , and she isnt looking for a donar, cause if i said i was out of the picture , im sure she would give this guy a chance , why not…but you cant control who you love…
i agree the love from a child is amazing there is nothing like it, and when the child see the father actually love the mother the child learns from a early age how to be in a relationship and be with the one you love
when i meet her i told her i had four kids and was tied, at the momment she said she was ok with that cause she didnt want kids then, after one year of datting she said she loved me and wanted my child but i hesitated . she never wanted to have a child from someone other then me , she pretty much bugged me for four years till she thought that there was no hope in having a child with me , so she decided to try and move on, she knew when she was most fertile , but being with someone else really wasnt what she wanted , she really wanted to be with me so she came back ,it wasnt some deep plan or a evil plot
If she’s 37 she can’t wait because her fertile years are rapidly running out. A woman’s fertility plunges after 35, and if having a baby is important she should try to conceive before 40 (actually, before 35). Women have a time limit on their fertility than men do not.
Two people I know were put in a somewhat similar situation as you, bigsteve. Neither outcome was good.
My roommate, 10 years older than me, once divorced, hasn’t seen his daughter from his first marriage in over a decade, and accidentally knocks up a girl who has been begging to get preggers before she gets too old. They move in together in a big house before the baby is born and plan to wed after. End result? Girl goes batsh*t insane over the baby once born. My mild-mannered buddy gets kicked out of the house and becomes a source of money. He longs to have a relationship with his new daughter that he didn’t have with the older one. He spent 3 years continuing to try to work it out, but the end result is that he can’t because mommy does everything she can to sabotage their relationship and her live now revolves solely around the child and wanting more children from a new guy.
Another older buddy was with a woman who wanted to get married for a long time but that friend put it off for just a little too long. Some other guy got divorced, then immediately asked this buddy’s girlfriend to get married and she accepted - while my friend had the ring and was preparing to propose. The woman quickly got married, moved away, and by an odd coincidence, I ended up working with her new husband. Found out through the husband that the woman wanted kids ASAP as well - but this guy already had 2 kids and was done, and this point was straining their quickie marriage. They lasted two and a half years before the guy found another woman and proceeded to divorce the lady he married quickly. The woman is back looking for someone to fill her needs. My buddy won’t go near her because he’s smart enough not to get burned twice.
Even before these two things happened to my friends, I would still tell you your “hot woman” is not worth the trouble. Having someone else’s kid will automatically complicate your life as in America there’s never a sure way to prevent someone from giving up their parental rights completely - the courts always have a way to do take-backsies. On top of that, you’re not guaranteed to pass on your genes through your woman, so if she wants more kids you’re not likely to be the source of genetic material. If she loves you so much you two would have worked it out before thinking the last resort was to find someone to take care of her biological clock - clearly, that’s not the case. In poker, if you can’t find the sucker at the table, it’s most likely you - and I suspect in this case that’s true.
My daughter has a stepfather who she loves and calls daddy. The difference is I didn’t manipulate, trick or strong-arm him into taking her on. The OP’s gf clearly just took matters into her own hands when he wouldn’t give her what she wanted, kept him on a string while screwing around and as soon as she was knocked up she got back together with him and oh surprise! how did that get in there?!
Two or three years from now, repeat the process for a sibling.
He’s got sucker written all over him and she can read him like a book.
thanks i appreciate the comments , but she isnt inersted in the money aspect , i dont make 100, 000 a year and im sure if she wanted she could take the other guy to court for child support , cause my ex did even though i was technically the adopted childs dad…she generally wanted a child plain and simple , no scheme , or plan we broke up for almost a whole year before she finally did something…
the final straw for her was her brothers wife who didnt want kids had one …that just set her off …even then i conceived defeat. i thought i had no chance of getting her back after that …so to me i would have said “later” but not that case…
if when i meet her she had a child im sure things wouldnt be at this level it is now…maybe if she wanted another one , but the one kid would have kept her content for awhile , but that wasnt the case..she has none and i have 4.
i know a guy who left his girl cause he has no kids and she does and doesnt want anymore…it works both ways
its hard for people who have kids to understand, i dont even understand whats it like not to have them, (my oldest is 26)
its sucks how it happened , im very hurt by it , still not 100 % sure i can get over it ..
the final straw for her was her brothers wife who didnt want kids had one …that just set her off …she told me she hated me and she was never gonna see me again…even then i conceived defeat. She told me she hated me for awhile actually …
i thought i had no chance of getting her back after that …so to me i would have said “later” but not that case…
We all only get one turn in this life, Steve, and of course it is your decision to make. The goal of a long term relationship is to love each other, grow together, share your feelings, and become stronger as a couple.
This lady has made it abundantly clear to you that you are not that. She wants a baby, and the ideal family life of having a man (any man) with her to complete that family “portrait.” You are her #1 candidate right now. But, when bad things start happening (as they do in any relationship) there isn’t that base to build off of to keep things together. She has made it clear that her priorities are: 1) Her, 2) The Baby…35) Her hair…49) Steve.
She’s using this baby and you as an accessory to fill a void in her life. I’ve never met her, but I’ve met people like her. IMHO, I feel that she is a very selfish person who will bleed you dry. But as I said, it’s your choice on how to live your life.
Really, BigSteve, this situation has DANGER written all over it. As others have said, the decision is yours, but the odds are against this working out well those those involved.
Red pill anectodes like this scare the bejeebers out of me. All fine in the beginning but once you committed yourself to the relationship with children, living together. You’re pretty much at the mercy of hoping she doesn’t go nuts, and takes your kids away.
Make damn sure you are NOT legally and financially responsible for this child. Unless you’re a very wealthy man, your money should be supporting your other kids.
A piece of advice I gave to a friend who was 50ish and pondering getting married for the first time – “Go for it. You can always dump her later.”
I think the real downside would be picking up the tab for the kid, paying both the mother and the chubby lawyer the child support, while the new husband of the mother has his arms out stretched getting **bigsteve66’s **money, yelling, “Why didn’t that mf pay sooner! I better go talk to him, that bitch!”
Then, if **bigsteve66 **prevails, and kicks the crap out of newdaddy, and the mother of the child is the one who calls the cops on him, (or shoots him) the only kind of bastard that OP will feel like, when the kid isn’t there for him to hug, is a dumb one.
Not to mention, that even if the mother stays with bs66, the father can, at any time, drag their asses into a court with whatever new demand he dreams up. IIRC, the father can keep the family unit from leaving the state for a/a new/a better paying job. Or, should **bs66 **go, can keep the child from going.
I don’t know what OT machismo you are thinking about, but, Abraham et al aren’t really needed to show that **bigsteve66 ** may end up getting hosed.
And women are equally at risk of their partner going nuts. That’s one of things things that makes relationships so tricky and grounded in trust.
Please note that there is no process for “taking someone’s kids away.” Indeed, I know women who have lost custody of their children by abusing the system to try to do just that.