Giant Battle Monsters, featuring Guinastasia and Libertarian.

detop is a Giant Squid that leaves a Trail of Goo, and spits Ice.

Strength: 7
Agility: 3
Intelligence: 10

Cold Attack!

Close enough for government work :smiley:


H3Knuckles is a Giant Man-Eating Plant that dislikes Modern Architecture, and dissolves in Water.

Strength 4
Agility 1
Intelligence 3


sobs loudly

AWESOME site though! Hilarious!

Should definitely nominate it for Weird Earls!

Zebra is a Giant Ant that carries a Ray Gun, kidnaps Blonde Women, has Four Sets of Teeth, and looks like a Man in a Rubber Suit.(Strength: 6 Agility: 5 Intelligence: 8)

And I attacked slortar (a Giant Moth that Stomps Around a Lot, picks up Cars and Throws Them, and eats Trees.)
using intelligence
I used my radiation attack

Result Zebra Wins! That that you stompy, car throwing bastard!

Grey is an Average-Sized Squid that was Found beneath the Ice at the South Pole, drinks Human Blood, has a Toughened Steel Skeleton and a Massively Swollen Skull, and picks up Cars and Throws Them.

Strength: 4
Agility: 3
Intelligence: 14

The blood drinking is a nice touch, but a squid?

Phlosphr is a small gnat-type creature. Who controls people with his mind - which when looked at isn’t small as one would expect, but actually houses the universe as we know it. So sorry folks, agility, intelligence, and strength are only given to those who think they can actually perceive them. Otherwise, you are only bumping into each other because I allow it to happen. :slight_smile:

Not only that, but a squid with a steel endo-skeleton :smiley:

Just try that with Agility, you silly little bug. :wink:

Skopo is a Collosal Blob that Fears Nothing, is Wreathed with Flames, controls Human Thought, drinks Human Blood, and has a single Horn on its Forehead.

Interestingly, that’s almost an exact copy of my CV.

Yeah, but can you work well with others?

vibrotronica is a Human-Sized Mecha-Blob that breathes Fire, leaves a Trail of Goo, is Highly Flammable, and has four Extra Limbs and Dozens of Tentacles.

Strength: 5
Agility: 1
Intelligence: 1

worst. giant battle monster. ever.

Apparently, they don’t get any lamer than Ceejaytee:

a Tiny Mecha-Lizard that controls the Weather, Screeches when Angry, and has Four Sets of Teeth, an Extra Head and Suckers on its Feet.

Strength: 1
Agility: 5
Intelligence: 5

Although, I do screech when angry, and suckers on feet would undoubtedly come in handy when hiking and well, with four sets of teeth, I could easily conquer a pizza, and . … . forget it. I’m a lame giant battle monster.

But wait–using my actual first name: Cathy is a Giant Robot that is Highly Flammable, and picks up Cars and Throws Them.


At the risk of depressing y’all, anyone tried The Straight Dope vs Ignorance using intelligence?

We’re doomed!

Ignorance has a better intelligence number than The Straight Dope?

That’s practically Zen.

Okay, I just found my new sig!


Otto is a Giant Moth that can Leap Great Distances and Generate Electricity, cowers from Fire, and has Staring Red Eyes. Strength: 2 Agility: 7 Intelligence: 6

Under my real first name only I am a Giant Ape that cowers from Fire, has a Swirly Hypnotic Gaze, spits Ice, and eats Trees. Strength: 7 Agility: 4 Intelligence: 5

Under my first and last name I am a Giant Squid that is Extremely Hydrophobic, and has Black-and-White Stripes. Strength: 6 Agility: 4 Intelligence: 9 So in real life I am a sea creature who’s either afraid of water or rabid, but on the plus side I own all the land on earth. Now where did I put that deed?


“Enormous Tusks and a Long, Prehensile Tongue”

Sir Dirx is a Giant Lizard that is Susceptible to Electrical Damage, carries a Flamethrower, and has a Single Giant Eye.
Strength: 10
Agility: 6
Intelligence: 3

Nice. I can be defeated by a car battery, and I can’t aim my flamethrower because I have no depth perception.

But, if I use my real, full name, I am a Giant Moth that CANNOT BE STOPPED, kidnaps Blonde Women, and has a Toughened Steel Skeleton.
Strength: 6
Agility: 11
Intelligence: 8

That’s more like it.

I can beat up God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Hooray.

Dave is a Planet-Sized Mecha-Ant that is Sensitive to Noise, and has Huge, Sharp Claws and an Extra Head.

Strength: 32
Agility: 1
Intelligence: 10

Anyone up for a brute force battle?

ROBOX is a 300-foot high mechanical version of Babe the Blue Ox, of Paul Bunyon fame. Originally intended to be an attraction at Minnesota’s Mall Of America, it was secretly retrofitted by the CIA as an experimental battle bot. But something went terribly wrong; an alien energy being possessed it’s circuitry and set it off on a rampage of destruction. Only first before destroying all humans, it must eliminate all those other pesky giant robots and monsters that could contest it for control of the Earth.

Height: 98 meters at the shoulder
Weight: 1/2 million metric tonnes
Weaponry: High energy lasers built into eyes; megasonic “moo”; gas dispensers in nostrils; multiple deployable ports along body for rockets and automatic cannon.