As if monogamy itself is something everybody agrees on. To some, watching porn is an act of infidelity. Some draw the line at kissing. Others don’t mind if their partner flirts a little. To some, cheating isn’t about physical acts, but about the mental attitude.
So once again, you end up with the people in the relationship, and what they have agreed on.
True, but it’d be a rare couple that claimed to be monogamous if they were fine with one partner having sex with a third person (or more). That’s what the OP was about. Also, saying “it’s up to the couple” is like saying “it depends.” It’s a conversation killer.
I mentioned in another thread that I dated a bisexual woman for some time. (Actually I mentioned that I had dated more than one, but I’m thinking of one in particular.) At the beginning of our relationship she presented herself as straight and I didn’t really have any reason to doubt her. A few months later she admitted, well, I have been attracted to women in the past and sometimes I find women attractive now but no big deal, I’m with you now. As time went on that deepened to “I don’t find most guys attractive at all” to “I suppose I’m actually bisexual” to “I think if you put me on the Kinsey scale I’d be a 5.” It got to the point where I point-blank asked her “why are you dating me at all?” She said, well, I’m still attracted to you (kind of) but just not any other men. So at that point, I had no fear she was going to be cheating on me with men, but I was pretty darn sure she was going to be doing so with a woman. And sure enough some time later she announced she was dating a woman.
That should have ended our relationship, but poor stupid Cognoscant still liked the woman he was dating and didn’t want that relationship to end. So she had this great idea–this new woman in my life is bisexual too, and hey, she’s down with this whole polyamory stuff because she’s done it before, and she seems to like you, so let’s try it out! Six months of emotional and mental hell later, the two of us staggered out of the triad broken, battered, and pretty much mentally scarred beyond recognition. I remember her saying “is there somewhere I can go where I don’t have to talk to or see another person for about a year?”…and I felt the same way.
So my experience with same-sex partner cheating turned out worse than if it had been opposite-sex. My first wife cheated on me with a man, and that was bad, but at least her attempt to mend fences didn’t start with “I have this idea…”
Honest answer there is problems at home. Either one or both of the couple are not getting needs met in the monogamous relationship. Love (Love is God) is trying to reach them in whatever way they can. Including homosexuality. The ‘excuse’ that female/female love doesn’t count is just a avenue that Love uses to help people come to the conclusion that they need more.
In this world yes it is cheating, but the question of if it is cheating allows it to happen more often, but in the eternal framework it is Love guiding us all and using whatever method works and that we can accept.
That has to be one of the more bizarre excuses for infidelity I’ve encountered.