I guess I’m probably one of the confusing ones, aren’t I? Sorry - I am, in fact, a girl.
Look, it’s too early to be worrying about what will happen in a year. You’ve only gone out a couple of times, right? Stop thinking about what’s going to happen in a few months and just enjoy what’s happening right now. You’ve said it yourself - you’re still in the hiding the defects, out to impress phase. It’s way too early to be putting this kind of pressure on the situation. Work on getting to know her and getting comfortable with her, and stop worrying about whether she’ll ever let you into her pants.
You would be surprised at how bold shy people can be when they have a computer and the whole internet between them and others. It provides that extra layer of comfort that they don’t have when they are with people IRL.
I agree with what others have posted already. If you want to persue a relationship with this woman, you will need to be patient, understanding, respectful, and thoughtful with her. Maybe you two won’t end up together, but then that’s what dating people is all about… finding out what you are looking for in a partner.
Hm. Well, if she feels that self-control is an important element in human relationships (and I don’t mean just sexual*), then you probably won’t get along then, But I hadn’t realized that men can sleep around freely whilst women cannot; it’s not something I’ve ever run into in my relationships. She may not feel that way, either.
*I mean, do you also feel that way about anger? Should people try to control their anger, or should they let loose with their negative feelings? How about their tactless remarks? If someone feels that you look awful in that new flashy shirt, should they just walk up to you and say so, or perhaps point and laugh? As far as I can see, “artifical limitations on human feelings” is what manners, civility, and civilization is all about.
Nice twist there dangermom… and your right up to a point. If your angry and you bottle it up completely its bad. Somehow it will manage to come out. Sometimes its good to let the negative out… preferably without hurting or bothering anyone else.
My comments might seem crass to people of religious persuasion… but its a choice they made. I think its a bad choice and artificial. So I’m honest about it… I won’t date girls with what I consider a medieval mindset. I don’t force them to do it… and I won’t force myself to get tagged along. Now I think its fine to hold back in the beggining… to get to know… etc…
Well... I'm feeling pretty bad and grumpy today... don't want to dish out on anyone sorry dangermom. This girl is quickly going nowhere. I'm totally lost to what this girl feels or wants. 2+2=2.8 right now in my head. I sincerely hate pestering girls needlessly if they aren't interested... Analysing what I've put in this thread this sure seems like a hurt ego of mine... with a mixture of great sorrow for not working things out with this girl.
Yesterday we went for a quick chat… and it was nice… but still no heat indicator… friday I’ll call her to a nice techno party… she must be VERY SHY if she really likes me as BF material… my head hurts… thanks guys for giving me some perspective in this dating torture.
You know, the title of this thread should have been “girl won’t sleep with me immediately…help,” and I mean that in just a matter-of-fact way.
You seriously need a reality check here. You have gone out with her a few times and because she’s not cramming her tongue down your throat or encouraging you to feel her up in public you think she may have a medieval mindset? I won’t even give you “VERY SHY” (your caps).
How about normal?
The only thing your posts say to me is that you two simply may be not suited for each other. You obviously place great emphasis on a physical relationship that does not seem to be matched by her within an acceptable time frame for you.
Your diagnosing her here as though there must be something terribly wrong with her that you’re not sure you can put up with is alarmingly off base, just as it would be if she was on some other message board wondering if the new guy she was dating was a perverted freak because he couldn’t keep his hands off her and she barely new him.
Ahhh…don’t want to state the obvious, but given you think you should just express what you are feeling; have you actually said to this girl, “I like you, but I get mixed signals from you - what’s the story?” I think it’s a real shame to write her off just because you don’t know what she thinks. What have you got to lose by asking her directly? Then you know what you are dealing with. Otherwise it kind of looks like you’re dumping her for not sleeping with you.
That is one reason I came to the SMDB for some answers… she might be just taking it slow and I’d come with either a mellow “I like you” and scare her off… or a “what do you want” and scare her off. I won’t write her off without asking for sure… but I dread making stupid questions like that. First I tried to understand… and that obviously hasn’t worked.
I may be missing something here - this thread is only 2 days old. How many times have you seen her since we began giving specific advice on how you should treat her (when you are together, not messaging etc)?
Because if you haven’t actually seen her in the past 3 days, I don’t think you can say ‘it hasn’t worked’.
And that makes me think you weren’t actually wanting to know how to get her to open up - you just wanted justification that she should have slept with you when you wanted her to. Which we obviously aren’t giving you. Correct me if I am wrong.
Wow ! Give a miser a morsel… and he’ll make a banquet !
Thanks guys I’m awfully happy now… following a bit what was posted here… I managed to talk to her in MSN… and I got her to mention her “coldness” and she talked about her need to know someone better before committing. I told her a bit of what I was feeling about that… and that worked quite well. She does dig me. We did MSN chat until 3am… but it seems to be the best way to bring out the theme and avoid shyness.
I sure needed to hear that I'm the "wrong" one... :D
Thanks for putting up with me around here… and for the honest advice. Women are too complicated for us simple mortal men.