What’s a few more months is that she’s waited for him for six or seven months - which I would probably do for a husband, maybe for a fiance , possibly for someone I’m living with. But not for someone I was dating for six months before he left. Which is not to say he should return to the US - just that maybe he shouldn’t expect her to be waiting when he does.
I agree.
The OP said it was $6,000 being saved. But is it? A one-way ticket to Taipei is $1,000 (give or take). So $2,000 round-trip.
Presumably the OP has stuff in the US so has to pay for an apartment or home or storage unit for this time. Then add renting a place in Taiwan.
While money may be saved overall is it really $6,000 in savings? I get a few thousand is substantial but at the cost of your relationship? Only the OP can decide and, as others have mentioned, it really comes down to how serious that relationship is.
YMMV
Yes, breaking up, no hard feelings, just not compatible based on location, is certainly an option.
I don’t recall there being any real indication of how long they’ve been together. Girlfriend could indicate anything from a few weeks to a few years of dating.
I guess my point is that if she’s waited this long, what’s a couple more months, if she’s serious? If not, then fine- why did she wait this long?
What kind of history do you two have together, what were plans before this happened, and what stage of life are you two in?
If you were both younger, you working on a career and getting healthy while she’s working on higher education and getting started in her own career… and you both want a longer life and family together (neither of which has really started yet), then I’d consider it a test and expectation to stick out the early bumps for the long term benefit. Like one partner putting up with the other in med school or the military being gone most of the time for a few years, since there is a long-term family payoff in the deal.
If you’re both more in middle age and a full life together from scratch is out, but a integrated life can be meshed together, I’d still expect some patience but less so, and it matters more what your track records are (have you or her wish-washed on plans before, or is this situation an anomaly?).
If you’re later in life (50+), unless this is your soul mate - in which case you’d probably not even be asking about this - I’d say it’s more like buying a used car. If they (or the situation) isn’t what you want now or in a few months, then move on.
If she had similar medical problems and was experiencing a dragged out delay in coming home to you, would be willing to wait, or would you be pressuring her to dip into her savings to get back here now so she can rub your back and be there for you?
If you feel she isn’t necessary in your life at this time, by all means shunt her aside. You’re not the only proverbial fish in the sea.
I can’t help with the girlfriend problem, but a little advice on the neck problem: ask your doctor for more information about your diagnosis and treatment options. It sounds like you may have cervical radiculopathy (CR). I have CR and traction therapy did not help me very much at all. Of course, your results may be better.
I got much relief from Cervical Epidural Steroid Injections (ESIs), but the relief was temporary (~4-6 months).
A longer-acting minimally invasive procedure is Cervical Radiofrequency Ablation. CRA is generally effective for ~6-42 months.
Often, the pain from CR resolves on its own over time.
Spinal surgery should be an option of last resort since the risks are greater.
But, with any procedure, surgical or minimally invasive, particularly when it involves spinal nerves, you should make sure your doctor/surgeon has much experience and good outcomes. A second opinion is always smart.
You could get the injections @Tibby suggests and come back, then sign up for Obamacare in October (which you should have done when you lost your job, man!) to have more affordable options stateside, once the shots wear off.
Either way, it’s not like it’s something that 3 months in Taiwan is going to permanently solve, which means it’s pretty reasonable for the girlfriend to have questions.
My guess is that she’s not sure you’re ever going to show up when you said you would, and is tired of quite possibly spending time and energy rearranging her life to prepare for your return at a particular time, only to have you say ‘no not this time either’. You keep setting dates and then not showing up. There can be good reasons for doing that – or the person may just be making excuses, and will never show up reliably.
If you’ve been going together for ten years and you’ve always before been reasonably reliable about showing up when you say you’re going to, and the relationship had been otherwise going fine with no problems, that’s one situation. If the relationship’s recent, or you’ve all along had a habit of setting dates and then not meeting them, or the relationship was having difficulties for other reasons – any of those is a different situation, and a combination of them would be worse.
Bear in mind that she’s likely considering not just when you’ll finally get around to showing up this time – but also what a life would be like with somebody who may do this sort of thing again in the future.
About 10 years ago I had cervical radiculopathy and traction was amazing. I did 3 visits a week for 3 weeks. Each visit was heat, massage, and traction. The traction felt sooooo good. That’s how I knew about over-the-door home units. I’d looked them up at the time. Luckily, I’ve remained symptom free since.
That’s right - it could be anything from a few months to a few years ( I don’t think it could have been a few weeks)
It’s not likely to be a “couple more months” from her point of view. It’s more likely to be “first he said two months , then he extended it and now it will be seven months”. And perhaps if the original plan had been seven months she would have said "look me up when you get back " without any commitment for the time he was gone. As for why she waited this long - who knows ? But just because she did doesn’t mean she will continue indefinitely - especially since he can stay there indefinitely and he was talking about possibly moving permanently to Taiwan a year or so ago ( and was going to quit his job while on vacation if he decided to stay ). Which kind of suggests to me that either she knows he was thinking about moving permanently or the relationship was still pretty new when he left - like 6-8 months.
Yes, treatments for most conditions should always start conservatively, and progress as needed to more invasive procedures only if needed. Sounds like traction was all that you needed. My CR resolved (for the most part) after a few spinal injections. My next step would have been nerve ablation, but it wasn’t needed. I still get symptoms every once in a while, but not nearly as severe as before.
It’s important for me too. I’ve applied for over 100 jobs in the last few months and done maybe a dozen job interviews (all online.) Alas, no luck yet.
We’ve been together about 9 months. The plan was that I’d go to Taiwan for several months then come back to Texas. She’s at the “this is the first relationship I’ve ever been in” stage. I’m in the “This could be a good relationship if I weren’t having to put out so many fires at the moment” stage.
I’d say it’s unreasonable to expect her to wait any longer, as you are approaching the point where you’ve been away for more than half of your relationship.
… If I’m reading between the lines correctly, and she is a twenty something on a student visa from China while you are middle aged, it is doubly unreasonable to expect her to wait any longer for you.
~Max
Does that include the “several months” you’ve already been away?
This does not look good to me at all for continuing this any further.
She should get out of the relationship while she can, I’m frankly surprised that she put up with that for this long.
I’ve had a couple similar situations, but nothing directly relatable.
In my 20s my family allowed/encouraged me to stay with them while I finished university and looked for a good job. So, I didn’t need to take any job I could find right away which was a plus, but my options were limited to what was locally available where my free room& board were being offered. I found the situation to be like how you should use a crutch: definitely it’s to your advantage to use the support in order to heal/get past a temporary set back in life, but it’s best to not grow dependent on it or it will shape & probably limit the rest of your life.
I’d set a goal of either decide to stay where you are, or to be on my way somewhere else within X months. Make X realistic for your situation; enough time to get better or well on your way, but short enough to light a fire under you to get back on track and give her a timeline to make a decision on. In general I’d think 1-2 years total from when you meet someone to deciding whether to make it long-term is reasonable. Deciding in less than 1 year is iffy, but waiting more than 2 years is asking a lot from anyone.
I’d factor the 9 months you’re already been together into how much longer you’ll ask her to wait. No one can really narrow down the timeline much closer for you two; but I’d definitely make a plan between the two of you along the lines of action-by-date, followed by decision.
Yeah, it sounds more like you are stringing her along than like it makes sense for her to stay in this relationship.