I have been The Girlfriend in this situation, and I’ve seen this situation play out with friends a million times. Anything you say out of concern for your relationship will be used against you, and met with “You’re just trying to control me!” and “He’s just a friend, you can’t handle me being friends with other men but you have girl friends!” and will end up as “evidence” that you “just don’t trust her” so she’ll be “forced” to leave you.
I’m not proud of being That Girl, but there you have it. Sorry man.
I was that new friend once. And now I’m her husband. Things worked out great for her and I, but our exes weren’t quite as pleased with how things turned out.
That two year relationship that I mention in every thread concerning relationships? I met her online and when she moved out to live with me she left her boyfriend to do it.
For the record, I really love my girlfriend. Things are pretty serious between us, and she’s never lied to me before. I don’t believe she would intentionally do anything that could break us up… but I have no reason to believe the same is true for this guy she’s talking to.
She’s been trying pretty diligently to find a job since we moved to California, but hasn’t had any luck so far. Between the frustration from that, the loneliness of having no one to talk to while I’m at work, and just general homesickness, she’s been down in the dumps for a few weeks. I think that’s put her in a more emotionally vulnerable position than maybe she realizes.
I don’t know what they were talking about for three and half hours that apparently had to be discussed where I couldn’t hear it, but I intend to find out tonight when I get home. Maybe it was some kind of crisis she was helping him through–it’s possible. Even if that IS the case, though, I still feel uneasy about the situation as it stands.
I’m sure that most people who cheat with someone that’s “just a friend” genuinely believed that the person really was just that, a friend, at one point. Talk to her, but seriously, be prepared for what Rasa and Diosa warned you about.
I moved to NYC with a roommate from TX. We were both new to the city and neither of us had jobs or friends here. I immediately found a social group online where you meet people to hang out with and I joined a book club. I made a point of getting out and meeting people. I also pounded the pavement for about 12 hours per day to find a job. She didn’t make any effort to find any friends outside of our apartment building and I had to bribe her with tickets to a broadway show to push her to find a job. She moved out a year later because (surprise!) she never really wanted to move to New York, she just wanted to move out of her mom’s house and I gave her a way out. If she hasn’t said anything to you about joining a meetup group or applying at Disney or whatever I would bet a not insignificant amount of money she is planning to move away at the first opportunity.
