Why is buying her a ticket home, putting her up in a motel or whatever not being being a doormat, but letting her stay is? This at least costs him nothing financially, and if he’s decided the emotional cost is one he can bear, ok.
What if he charged her rent for the time she was there? Made her buy her own groceries? Would that be ok with everyone? Sheesh.
Bottom line- he has chosen a path that perhaps makes sense to him and his own ethical guidelines. Whatever we would do, he doesn’t feel right kicking her out. So what. So he lets her sleep on the couch for a few days or a couple of weeks. What’s the damage? If this is how he brings closure to this relationship and can live with himself, leave him alone.
If any of my sons kicked a young girl out on the streets, I wouldn’t be very proud of him. I’d probably help her out. My motherly instincts don’t stop at just my own children.
As I said, she has a lot of stuff here. She’s now in the process of selling or otherwise getting rid of everything she won’t be able to fit in her car. If she wasn’t doing it, I’d have to do it at some point. On top of which, she has already agreed to handle all of the household chores until she leaves, so it’s not as if she gets to just sit around doing whatever she wants to all day.
Furthermore, as some pointed out earlier, her name is still on the lease here until the end of the month, so legally I can’t kick her out.
If my girlfriend had betrayed me and my mom helped her out, I’d consider myself betrayed by my mother, to be honest. As much as I dislike my mother, I’m glad that she tends to play on my team and I tend to play on hers.
I mentioned it earlier in the thread, but you and I seem to be fundamentally different in this regard. When things went to hell with my SO of two years, a woman that I loved more than anything else, that love I felt immediately melted into hatred. My hate for her was proportionate to the amount of love I once experienced.
If she calls you in a year and you’re still single, will you take her back?
The fact is, long after the girl is gone, the OP has to live with himself. If he can do that more comfortably knowing he didn’t ‘kick her to the curb’, then that’s the right choice for him. Not saying it would be the right (or wrong, for that matter) choice for anyone else. But he’s the one who has to live with his own conscience after all this is over.
You are still making plenty of sense from my perspective, and especially with this particular quote. It does matter to be able to say that you didn’t stoop to her level. And I think you can do that without being a doormat.
There was a point during our final days when I would call my ex out on some of the shit she’d pulled, and once she reached a point of exasperation, she’d finally say, “Well, I guess you’re just a better person than I am.” Sometimes sarcastically, sometimes seriously. It took me a while, but I can very much look back on that now and say, “Yep. I am.”
You really think most 22 year old “women” could figure out what to do if thrown out on the street penniless?
Only on the dope could wanting to be compassionate and kind cause people to make you out to be a horrible person. I give up. You’re all absolutely right- throw that fucking bitch out- she can eat out of dumpsters and sleep at the Salvation Army.
I can’t honestly say I wouldn’t at this point. But a week ago today we were cuddling and watching Iron Man 2 together, so give me a break. I know I shouldn’t, but it’s going to take time for my heart to catch up to my brain on that.
I wasn’t trying to bust your balls with that question, I was genuinely curious. I really hope you harden your heart against her by the time she wants you back (if she does- frankly I think it’s incredibly unlikely but I’ll humor the hypotheticals suggested by the other posters), otherwise she can hurt you without consequence in a chain of breaking your heart and being forgiven.
Despite having backed you into a corner with my frustrated ranting, I really do hope that things work out for you and I wish you the best.
I totally understand that. My ex-husband’s cheating led to our divorce. When he broke up with his “girlfriend” of the moment, he came back to me asking for forgiveness. It took all my strength to say no…I wanted what we HAD, but I knew it could never be the same.
No-one has suggested that he’s a horrible person; in fact, people have been suggesting precisely the opposite. They’ve been telling him that he’s far too nice to this woman.
If he doesn’t want to chuck her out, that’s his call. There’s nothing any of us can do to force him to show her the door. But he’s the one who started this thread. If you don’t want to hear advice that you don’t like, then don’t ask for fucking advice on a public message board, because i can guarantee that, no matter what the issue, there will always be people whose ideas are different from yours.
And calling him a doormat and implying he’s an idiot and actually being stupid for being too nice. Instead he should toss her out, scream at her constantly or get revenge.
A deadbeat guy is sponging off your daughter for a year. She thn finds out that he’s cheating on her, and is going to leave her to go sponge off another woman, but he still wants to live at your daughter’s place for a while and have her pay his expenses until it’s convenient for him to leave.
Do you feel sorry for him? Are you going to help him out?
I don’t want to be an asshole, but in the future you may find it easier to avoid this kind of situation when you, being over 30, don’t date people who are practically teenagers. You were 20 and 31 respectively when you met? 20 year olds are children. Which means it’s not very surprising that they behave with shocking childishness, as was in fact the case.
ETA - children emotionally, not children in terms of responsibility. 22 is plenty old enough to be expected to make one’s own way if need be.