I think she will come crawling back, but I’m not saying that to cheer him up; I think she’ll be back at exactly the wrong time, for all the wrong reasons. Like a rash or something.
Yeah, she’ll definately be back. He was her safety net, the guy who bailed her out after she made bad decision after bad decision. She’ll inevitably need another bailout and when she’s got no more friends and family (sounds like she’s close), she’ll come knocking on his door. Guran-fuckin-tee it.
Good luck Neo, I wish you the best. Keep on datin’!
If she comes back, I expect it would be more because the OP is a good “Plan B” and she’ll be looking for the security, not really the OP.
I caught my ex cheating many years ago. No not snooping, more of the walking in on them variety. I have to say that I am truly glad, in hindsight, that I behaved ethically and honourably. I denied her the chance to say “See how upset Crayons is? Clearly unstable! Her vengeful behaviour shows her true colours!” Nope, she didn’t get any of that. I remained a reasonable, decent person throughout, while totally raw and shattered on the inside, and I came off as the good guy. Even her friends told her “Crayons treated you so well, you’re crazy to have done what you did!” The more she went on about how wrong I was for her, the more she just looked the fool.
In my experience, it’s better to do the right thing because you won’t feel guilty for doing hurtful things in anger, you look better in the eyes of your peers, and you deny the lying, cheating wretch the satisfaction of seeing you utterly unhinged by the loss of her. Kudos for taking the better path!
I haven’t read this whole thread, but I don’t think there’s anything to worry about really.
(Here’s hoping this joke hasn’t been done before . . .)
Neo, as you may have figured, I am going through a similiar, though a bit mor twisted situation.
I want to thank you for sharing this with us here, and I hope you stick around.
Reading about your situation, seeing your reactions have helped pull some blinders off my own eyes. While I’m still not doing the things I should be doing in my situation, you have helped me. And for that I thank you.
I hope you change your mind about this. Forgiving someone who has wronged you isn’t for their benefit, it’s for yours. It may take a long, long time, but I hope you do reach that place eventually.
Much better just to forget her completely.
I’m all for the hippie guitar-playing stuff but srsly, don’t try to forgive her. Just do as RNATB suggested and put her out of mind as much as you can. If you do think of her, try to think angry thoughts. 
Forgiving her is just going to lead to you hooking up with her if she comes crawling back.
Don’t do it, brah!
You’ll forgive her in time. Until then, focus on healing your wounds and moving on. I met my (now) husband about a year after I ended a 2.5 year relationship. Had I not gone through the pain of that break-up, (which like yours, was a slow realization that he was involved with someone else), and the everyday struggle of just getting along, I’m not sure I would have truly appreciated the man who I married.
Meeting my husband was like a breath of fresh air. I can’t tell you how much of a relief, and joy, it is to enter a relationship with someone who fits your personality so nicely that it’s not a struggle to get along. To find someone who is trustworthy and honorable and wants the same thing out of life that you do. Someone who is a PARTNER in every sense of the word, instead of someone to be taken care of, or tolerated.
So I feel badly for the pain you’re feeling now, but I’m optimistic about your future with someone else.
Yeah, I was thinking about this just yesterday morning and wondering how you were doing.
Sorry to come late to the thread, but after a very similar breakup, my ex came back–asking for money.
Neo, if this happens, DO NOT open your wallet. It WILL NOT make you feel better.
There’s a form of forgiveness that still doesn’t let the person try again. I’d say don’t try to force forgiveness, but you will eventually need it so you can think about it without it distressing you. But it’s okay to wait until it doesn’t hurt so bad.
I’ve forgiven people for, say, not paying me back money I loaned them, but it doesn’t mean I’d trust them enough to try again. That takes more than forgiveness.
I totally agree.
I’ve seen some people who have hung onto anger/hurt/resentment for DECADES. It digs at them inside. Not pretty.
And as mentioned, forgiving does not equal condoning, accepting, or allowing repeats of bad behavior. It’s rather an acknowledgment that we’re all human, we all make mistakes, and eternal hatred doesn’t do anyone any good. Make peace with the past, be wiser for the future.
You’ve handled yourself with great dignity. Well done.
Sometimes they come back asking for “forgiveness” because they can’t cope with uncomfortable feelings like guilt. They just want you to let them off the hook so they can go on with their lives without any emotional consequence for their behavior. (This may also be a request to be “friends”.) Don’t let her do this, either. Lord Ashtar is right. Forgiveness, when you come to it in time, is for your benefit and mental health. Not for hers.
I agree with the forgiveness part. It took me a little over a year, but I was finally able to forgive my ex. I even sent him and email telling him so, in an attempt to gain closure (worked rather well, he didn’t respond, which was totally fine with me.)
Even though I forgave him, I still wouldn’t touch him with a 10 foot pole. Forgiving is definately not the same as forgetting. OTOH, my father has never forgiven my mother for leaving him 26 years ago. That anger has festered inside of him and changed him from a loving, good humored man to a bitter, angry man with no friends and family. He’ll likely die alone, misreable and bitter, because he allowed himself to be consumed by the hurt my mom caused him.
It’s really sad. Don’t end up like him.
The only reason she wouldn’t is that he’s halfway across the country; might be a tad inconvenient, even if she needs a bailout.
(Or, hell, maybe she’ll grow up, learn to take care of herself, get into a good, healthy relationship with someone (probably not the internet boyfriend), and the two can go to each other’s kids’ weddings twenty-five years from now. It’s not beyond the realm of possibility.)
Ok, Rand, not usually a fan of your posts but this really made me laugh.
Another 2nd for “Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting.” That doesn’t mean she just gets to move back in - that you didn’t learn something about her personality.
After saying that, I can say that I still haven’t forgiven my ex-wife her actions that lead to our divorce. Just can’t let go enough to do it yet.
This, again and again.