Girlfriend not wanting to take Birth Control

Hi all.

Hope I’m asking in the right place. I have a new girlfriend, and she’s great. Things are going forward well and we click together well in many ways. She’s extremely healthy, which is awesome. She eats well, is fit, and looks it. However her healthy philosophy extends to birth control as well. She doesn’t want any extra chemicals / hormones in her system so she won’t take birth control.

I’m of course worried about an unexpected pregnancy. I’m not interested in trying to change her or her attitudes, as it is her body and she should take care of it any way she likes…and she knows i’m concerned about what could happen. For now our sex is limited to activities that wouldn’t put us at risk, and I’m happy to wear a condom. I’d really like the peace of mind though of being as cautious as possible.

What other options are out there? My friend has been “clipped” which sounds scary to me…is it reversible? Long term problems? I’ve never used any “spermicidal foam” before. Would that be enough? Are there some other options out there for us I’m not aware of? My last girlfriend was infertile so we never had to worry about it and this scenario is new to me. Thanks all.

Get a vasectomy.

Three letters: IUD.

Or, you know, wear a rubber.

I would like to correct an error in your title.

She does not want to take hormonal birth control. She is, by your account actually quite willing to use other types of birth control, which are still birth control.

Used conscientiously and carefully non-hormonal birth control can be reliable. There are many forms out there.

If you’re sure you don’t want kids /more kids, get a vasectomy. 15 minutes, a weekend of loafing around with extremely mild and vague crotch discomfort (not pain), and you’re good as new.

3 months & 30 ejaculations later, take in some spooge and let them check it out for swimmers. If you’re all clear, then yay!

Copper IUD comes right to mind as an option for her. She has options if she’s willing to talk to a gynecologist.

I second this.

Getting snipped may sometimes be reversible, but you shouldn’t depend on it. My brother had a vasectomy because his wife already had two kids and didn’t want more. They eventually got divorced, though, and my brother’s current wife desperately wants a baby. He’s had two surgeries to try to reconnect things, but they’ve been unsuccessful.

If she’s healthy, doesn’t drink to drunk often, gets regular sleep for more than 4 hours a night and her periods are still regular, she might like the Fertility Awareness Method (also known as Natural Family Planning when Catholics use it and abstain during the woman’s fertile time, rather than using contraception.)

I find that women who are really into health and body awareness are excellent candidates for this method - they’re curious about their bodies already, and this gives them so much more information about what’s going on inside them that they’re highly motivated to do it well.

Planned Parenthood (and many others) lump Fertility Awareness Methods into one group for reporting on effectiveness rates, which I personally think is a mistake. This groups The Rhythm Method (now known as the Calender Method, and just as ineffective as ever) with the much more accurate and effective sympto-thermal method. You’ve got to click to expand the explanations of each FAM method to find out how effective each one is (or isn’t).

The sympto-thermal method combining basal temperature, cervical mucus and a calender is the one I endorse, and it has an effectiveness rate that’s actually better than The Pill. (“Of 100 couples who use the symptothermal method correctly for one year, 0.4 (fewer than one) will have a pregnancy.” - See more at:

If you combine the sympto-thermal method of FAM with a condom for disease prevention, you’re engaging in the safest sex we’ve got that isn’t invasive or permanent.

This is what I used to get pregnant, so I don’t see how it couldn’t be used for opposite purposes. I was surprised to learn that there are really only 3 or 4 days a month when a woman can get pregnant - the trick is knowing which days those are. I strongly recommend this Fertility Friend tracker which is incredibly detailed and gives you really clear charts for pinpointing ovulation. Really the data you can get out of this thing is really impressive. It also has a great mobile app.

WhyNot there are newer variants of the fertility awareness method that rely on a little dipstick type gadget that measures levels of two hormones in the urine as an indicator of pregnancy. I know someone who uses that method.

The last study I saw said that the hormone-monitor method was inferior in affectiveness to the symptothermal method, but since it’s new, I suspect its efficacy is going to improve in coming years as they work on tweaking it.

For what it’s worth, some studies have come out in the last couple years suggesting that the symptothermal method is more effective than condoms under both typical and ideal use, although less effective than the pill. (Condoms are really not a very good method of birth control). I’ve also seen a study suggesting that around 93% of women have quite predictable cycles (enough to use FAM/NFP productively), although the remaining 7% would have a very difficult time with it.

Ooh, neat! I’ll have to check that out.

I used symptothermal FAM for several years to not get pregnant, one night to get pregnant, and another 9 years to not get pregnant. (Well, subtract the 6 months I was pregnant, I suppose!) Sadly, as I stare 40 in the face this November, my cycles are beginning to get irregularly irregular, and it’s no longer the best method for me. :frowning: But for a long time, it was awesome.

I’m trying to get past the idea that an unmarried man who doesn’t want children wouldn’t be using condoms no matter what the woman is using.

Use condoms, dude.

I seriously doubt she would be up for an IUD if she’s not willing to go for the pill.

Absolutely. But condoms are fairly crap as birth control. They’re the best thing we’ve got for disease protection, and in combination with another contraceptive method, they add effectiveness, but used alone for pregnancy prevention, you literally might as well Pull-and-Pray.

Welcome to fatherhood! Get some dad pants and I’ll teach you dad dancing.

It is reversible - I know two children who were conceived naturally after their father had a reversal.

I had it done, oh, 20 years ago and have had no problems, long term or not. It reduces the volume of your ejaculate by around 10%, they say, but I didn’t even notice that. My advice is to just get it done - you need never ever worry about unwanted pregnancies again, for your whole life. It’s great.

She sounds like an intelligent woman, so I’m quite sure she knows what’s out there in terms of birth control. I can’t imagine that a person into health is not aware of the different methods of contraception. I can, however, understand not wanting to take the pill. It made me feel terrible, as did IUDs.

The best thing to do is to talk to her frankly to see what is best to do about the situation. My take is that she wants the contraception to be entirely on your end.

But note that there are 7 ~ 10 days when a man can get you pregnant. Eggs are only available for a couple of days. Sperm last up to a week.

Didja read the OP? Cuz he said

Condom or not, you shouldnt be sticking it in if your not ready to deal with the consequences.