I have been on an extended vacation for about 30 days. During this time, I had limited access to the internet and no access to a phone.
I returned home yesterday, and called my gf up to tell her I was ok but I needed to get some sleep since I had been up for almost a day traveling and that I would call her to catch up in a few hours.
I call her after I wake up and she tells me, ‘I’m on the one phone right now, can I call you back?’
She was talking to a female friend of hers who undoubtedly, had nothing important to to say. (The lack of importance was later confirmed.)
She sent me an email a bit later (where she admitted what she did was wrong) and this was my reply:
Her comment really, really pissed me off. I mean, she ‘said’ she missed me and yet she’s too busy to stop talking to her friend and talk to me?
How should I deal with this? I have no clue. She’s appropriately contrite but if her gut reaction isn’t to stop and speak to me after not speaking to me after a month away, how emotionally involved is she in the relationship?
I can’t recall the last time an OP has passed my “If you have to ask…” test so thoroughly. Get a grip, please. Missing you doesn’t mean she has to immediately stop whatever she’s doing to talk to you.
She apologized (via email). Enjoy the moment and don’t worry about it. Life’s too short to read hidden meanings into things. Of course, all bets are off if this is a pattern of behavior instead of a one off.
I would have been angry as well (really, this is the first time you get to talk to me and a while and you blow me off?) but you really should let it go. She realizes what she did was wrong and now it’s time to move on. Is this really worth destroying the relationship over?
Now, it’d be a different story if this is consistent behavior.
She sent me an email a bit later (where she admitted what she did was wrong) and this was my reply:
Quote:
Yes, what you did was very wrong. I am extremely pissed off at you. If you did miss me, I would expect a degree of eagerness to speak with me, which was not the case. Your actions do in fact let me know how little you value me, and talking to me, even after an extended absence.
Tempted to take this to a level which would be more appropriate for the Pit. But I’ll just just leave it at this:
Douche.
And she’s not emotionally involved. Why would she be. She’s probably f*in someone else and you deserve it.
I’m confused. Are you sure she didn’t feel just a little slighted when you called but were oh so tired and had to take a nap, so couldn’t really talk? It sounds like her being busy when you called back was a little bit of retaliation. You could have dropped it then, but you were both being childish. How long have you been in a relationship with this person? Going on a vacation without her for at least part of it sounds weird to me.
Your email quoted above is over the top regardless. If I were her, I wouldn’t really have any reason to continue seeing you. She apologized before you sent that nasty reply. You should have dropped it but instead escalated it. What a waste of time. I’m sure the same doubts about your emotional involvement went through her head after your first call.
Dude. You were on VACATION. You weren’t fighting in 'Nam. You weren’t using your one phone call from a Mexican prison. AND you had just talked to her a few hours before so she knows you’re not shooting blood out of a severed limb and calling for a ride to the hospital.
wow haha Seriously??
I look forward to sleeping with your girlfriend when she’s at the bar this weekend with her unimportant girlfriend and complaining about her WAY too needy boyfriend.
So wait - it’s OK for you to tell her you don’t want to talk right now so you can crash for a few hours - that’s cool, grown-ups understand stuff like this.
But then you’re all butt hurt and pissy when she’s not waiting on pins and needles just to have the honor of hearing your voice the immediate moment YOU’RE ready? Do I have that right?
I guess I can’t quite wrap my head around this scenario:
My boyfriend coming home after being away for a month and I’m not there to greet him in person
My boyfriend getting disproportionately pissed off because I tell him I’ll call him back
My boyfriend telling me off in a mean-spirited email
Did she say she was going to call back and then didn’t? I would be hurt if that happened, I suppose. I wouldn’t send an email saying “what you did was wrong.” (Why did she send you an email after you called? Was the email in lieu of calling back?)
Weren’t you so happy to get back and talk to her and tell her all about your trip that you just couldn’t wait to get on the phone and talk to her? Oh wait…no, you weren’t. So why should she be?
If YOU cared about HER, you would have spent 10 minutes on the phone with her before crashing. But you didn’t, so don’t expect anything more from her.
Your emotional response over this seems way, WAY overblown. If you get this mad over something this small, I’d hate to see what you’d do if she did something *really *bad.
