If I was a regulation issue man in a purportedly monogamous relationship, and at a dinner, an old female friend of my SO started getting “in your face” touchy feely with her in a deliberate attempt to provoke me and establish territoriality despite my protests, and there was not a definitive “stop it” from the SO during this little drama, several things would occur to me after the fact once my temper had cooled.
Childish and boorish behaviors on all sides aside, it is apparent the SO likes the attention of her friend more than she dislikes or cares about your displeasure and discomfort with this scene. I cannot emphasize enough how important this aspect is. If a potential, serious SO blows you and your concerns off about something that is obviously disturbing to you, you need to make a concrete decision if that is something you can tolerate and live with, with respect to future potentialities in making a household, raising children, budgeting, socializing etc., etc., etc.
Getting away from the politics of lesbianesque flirting (which many heterosexual women like to do to be “naughty”) the core issue is that anyone with a smattering of common sense can see if their SO is truly upset or uncomfortable about something and at that point a critical and telling decision is made. Either the feeling and upsetness will be taken seriously or it will not. You do not sound like a person who likes to have their feelings dismissed. Most people don’t. Now think about living with it 24/7.
NPavelka, you have been given a the gift of a vision of the future and if you think this type of behavior or attitude towards your concerns will change because you talk it over with her, you are being God’s most complete simpleton. She may be beautiful and I hope the sex is good, because based on your description of events there is about as much hope for a long term relationship based on mututal respect in this situation as there is for Sharon and Arafat winning the nobel Peace prize.
I meant again given the tarantella he and Sharon are currently engaged in which is also a relationship based on mutual disrespect (among other things).
Well actuially they are both dead… I did use a knife and they are burried in a shallow field outside of town, somewhere near KellyM in IL… Ok for the humor impaird yes that is a joke.
Anyway, me and the SO have split, not real sad about it either. She went a little insane after the incident and a few other minor problems we had didn’t help the situiation. Anyway she thought she needs “Me time” for a while (which is kinda funny since I just saw that she put up a personal add on the nice little online dating service that I was perusing looking for a date myself). She created the same paranoid dillusion that KellyM has, but I am no more a psycho than any other average guy. Hell yes I was jealous and could have handled the situiation alot better, mostly by giving her a hearty “fuck you, I’m leaving” and just getting up and leaving. But then again I would never have had to do this if my ex-SO and her friend would have respected the limits of our manogomus relationship. Yes we had discussed these limits on several occassions and they did not include sexual play with anyone else.
As for what I consider a wrist lock it is just applying minium pressure to the hand to torc the wrist and lock the elbow so that that person has a much harder time pushing me. Also I would like to say that I have been out on several occassions with the friend and every time my SO would show up even if she was dooing something else that evening or if she wasn’t invited. These are the glaring things that have started to come to me on re-examining the last 4.5 months.
Thanks again for letting me vent…
Happy Single Nicholas (but looking for a date or two… friend tells me I need to get laid)
As much as I’m loathe to say it, I’ve moved two or three notches down the meter toward KellyM’s position. Some people really need to learn when to put down the shovel.
Oh, yes, KellyM. We all collectively bow to your wisdom. I’m not worthy to share space on a message board with someone of such insight and perspective.
I’ll let those who think I’m a lying girl beater keep on thinking that, if they really want to judge like that. I usially try not to judge people on one incident, even if it is extream… hence I was willing to try and work things out with the exSO.
As for the relationship I continue to just live my life again and spend some time reflecting on what went wrong. There were faults on both sides of the equation, that faitful night and well before. That euphoria called love lets you gloss over several faults in a partner.
About some of the inconsitiencies… well I was so pissed I could barely see staraight when I wrote the OP, and yes I did exadurate. Not because I’m a violent individuial but because I was mad enough to have laid waste to the person dosen’t mean I actuially did it. Words and actions are two diffrent things, if they weren’t Sadam and Ossama’s heads would be on pikes infront of the White House by now.
I have tried the open relationships before, and found they just don’t suit me… more because I felt guilty if I saw anyone else. What can I say I like being a one woman man, and yes I considered myself her man, she wasn’t my woman. The nobel ideals about how men are supposed to turn the other cheak if it’s someone the woman is friends with is nice and all, but not for me. It is a choice that they made in their relationships, we never made that choice in ours.
If there is one thing I do love about being single is all the offers I have had from my friends to go out for a beer or two.
Sorry for any misspellings and stuff… I haven’t had any wake up juice.
Just out of curiosity: huh? I’ve read this four times and I can’t tell if you mean you support KellyM’s position or don’t.
Oh, and good luck NPavelka. I was in agreement with you throughout this entire post, and I think I understood from the beginning what you meant by a wristlock. Didn’t seem like battery to me. (If I remember my business law classes, assault is verbal, battery is physical).
NPavelka, you got treated like shit. Consider the ex a blip in your radar, nothing more. She ain’t worth the ground you walk on. Oh, and congrats on the break up - you sound like a decent dude - and if you weren’t in Stl, I’d buy you a beer. Or many beers! In the long run, you’ll be happier, and there will be one lucky girl out there once ya find her.
And while I’d LIKE to add that KellyM is a behaving like a fucking deluded bitch, I won’t. It’s all in the control man, it’s all in the control.
NPavelka, I’m glad you and the SO broke up. The relationship sounded doomed, and from the OP, it was clear that your girlfriend was obviously not interested in your feelings.
That said, I think there’s an important concept you need to understand, to form successful relationships in the future:
The only right you have over a significant other is whether or not to continue dating them.
Your SO can fuck someone on the table in front of you if she wants. You do not have the right to physically restrain her or the person she’s fucking. You have the right to be furious. You have the right to call her names. You have the right (and hopefully the good sense) to never speak to her again. But that’s it.
Your anger toward the friend in the OP shows that you don’t truly understand this, that you think of an SO as “yours” in some ways. Unless your SO is being overpowered by her friend against her stated wishes (i.e. she’s screaming for help), she is choosing to allow the contact. I completely understand why you were angry, but you crossed the line when you forced her friend’s arm off her.
This probably qualifies me for membership in the Wife-Beating Rapists Club[sup]TM[/sup], but if my wife were doing the nasty with somebody on a table in front of me, I’m gonna be doing some physical restraining of a most aggressive nature.
I may not have the right to do it, but it’ll be done, regardless.
Tars Tarkas: It doesn’t make NPavelka a wife-beating rapist. It merely indicates, sadly, that he is likely to be, or become, one. Men who use physical violence against the “competition” for sexual partners are also more likely to use physical violence against their partners.
Sauron, it sounds like you’re perversely proud of being an evolutionary throwback. :rolleyes:
My apologies on not meeting your requirements to be a functioning member of the existing human race, KellyM. Will I be scheduled for termination now, or do I get to appear before some sort of wife-beating rapist tribunal first?
Actuially I deplore physical violence, I always feel horrible after I do loose my temper. You KellyM may think what you want about me, but in that situiation I honestly thought the contact was unwanted by my SO and by myself as well. I took several steps to stop the action leading to physical contact by the friend first pushing me and then I responded, as I look back I would have prefered to just leave and cause a nice scene to embarase the hell out of them, would have been far more effective and satisfying.
Oh and thanks to everyone for all the kind words… I really am just a nice guy, and the only person I regurally hit is myself when I say something stupid… :smack: ok I need to tend to some brusies now.
