I didn’t speak with my “first love” for about 6 years after we broke up. My brother stayed friends with him, and we got back into contact through him. Now we’re friends again. I think the length of time Mr. Krebbs’ GF and her ex haven’t spoken is irrelevant if **Mr. Krebbs ** trusts his GF. It’s clear to me that he has trust issues and that this wasn’t the first time he made her deal with them.
Seems to me like some folks posting to this thread will find a way to see something sinister in the situation, regardless. Some people can handle their SOs seeing their exes and some can’t. I don’t think it would be wrong for **Mr. Krebbs ** to ask for reassurance from his GF about Ray; I don’t expect him to say nothing and just suck it up. But getting irritated? Giving her a hard time about it as if it were inherently wrong? Seems like he’s assuming the worst of her, hence her angry response.
IMHO the fact that she is hanging out with her X sends up a huge red flag. Some people will maintain that they are still friends with an X but I think that percentage is vanishingly small. I’d be suspicious at the very least and would let her know that I didn’t approve.
So many questions!!!
Did Mr. Krebs ever get back with his girlfriend?
How did she get in contact w/ex anyway? I can’t remember, and three pages is a dern lot to re-read.
Did he ever see her car?
I remember the movie Casino, where Sharon Stone’s boyfriend, Lester Diamond (?) is getting beat up by DeNiro’s goons, and she’s screaming “It’s not his fault!”
Just like some dysfunctional females that I know, when their parent’s/friends tell them what a sleaze their BF is. I was reminded of this when Mr. K said something to the effect that his GF is incapable of lying about a car wreck.
I kind of feel for Mr. K, but I sense he is being cuckolded as we speak.
hh
Rubystreak, your personal situation/lifestyle doesn’t change the original question regarding whether or not he should be concerned. If it were up to me, I’d rather have my SO travel cross country to see someone she has remained friends with, rather than to see someone they haven’t spoken with for years. I don’t see how your experience changes that.
If everyone operated as you do (or say), things would be much different. The fact is, a lot of people (I’m not going to put a percentage on it) simply don’t. Or, hypothetically, say 10% don’t. Even 5% would be enough to think about it, right? Not because you might be insecure, but because this situation is just that: a situation. One that could lead to cheating, emotionally or physically. Even if the very notion of it is beyond the girlfriends wildest dreams. No one can predict what their own mood will be, or what circumstances will be, in the future (once she’s there).
The level of concern is what I think needs to be taken into account. Over doing it might mean security issues, but merely conceding that it is something that’s on your mind doesn’t make you a bad boyfriend or jealous freak or insecure loser either.
First, I personally am a very trusting person. I could give a shit less who a GF see’s after work, during lunch, on the weekend, etc. Even if it was an EX. No big deal.
But that all changed for me a couple weeks ago.
Now, the OP mentioned the GF visiting a former lover while on Oregon… okay. That does not sound too bad. And I can imagine mixed feelings about that. Personally, it would not bother me.
However, let’s look at a different situation. My GF decided - while visiting family outside the country to meet up with her EX, take him on a 2 day trip - together - to a remote, exotic, tropical and rather romantic beach. They stayed in 2 cabins on the beach (so she says). She covered all his expense (actually, I did…). 2 days. Alone. In paradise. Now… anyone who wants to say that should not be taken lightly can kiss my white ass.
I know there are some who posted about “if you trust her, then it should be fine”. Some mentioned “women can have close friends!” and “women often have male friends they have known LONGER than they knew their BF”. I get that. I respect that. Totally.
But there is a god damned line that can be crossed. Seriously guys. I personally would not have given a second thought to her visiting a male strip club as opposed to seeing the EX on such unique terms. A group of friends going to such a place. That’s cool. But Jesus H Christ…
Women: listen… there is a point at which you can honestly and truly create a sense of “what the hell!!!” and create distrust. That point is when you do things that are - by all common sense - better reserved as something you do with groups or a SO. Seriously… have some damn respect for a relationship and the common-sense boundaries that includes.
Men: use some common sense. Stop the beta bullshit and kick em to the curb when they test the waters to such a degree. If a woman is willing to push you that far… cut her out like cancer.
Best to start a new thread and refer to this one, if you need. In order to prevent a lot of responses to posters who are no longer here 11 years later, I’m closing this one. Feel free to start anew, if you wish.