Hi guys, this is a long one but I would appreciate any feedback.
My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. Her ex-boyfriend lives overseas and I know that they text/FB message occasionally. Her ex has been a big part of her life, to my knowledge they had been off and on over the last decade before we started dating. In fact, right before we started dating she had just taken a month long trip overseas to visit him. He has never been an issue over the past year, I am aware and fine with occasional texts/ FB messages. Just recently, he has been back in town visiting family for a couple weeks. They got in touch and met for dinner and a movie. She told me about this before it happened and asked me if I was fine with it, and I was. I appreciated that she seemed very open about the matter to me. The next day I was working and she called me again saying that they had spoken about meeting up to go shopping in the city together for the day I was working. At this point I started to feel a little uncomfortable. At first, I thought it was fine that they meet up once to catch up, although I internally questioned her judgment about a dinner/movie. Two consecutive days of hanging out though bothered me a little bit and I told her. I told her I didn’t have a problem with them catching up but that it did bother me a little that they had plans to casually hang out. She resisted a little, claiming that their relationship was strictly platonic and that I had nothing to worry about, this led to a minor argument but ultimately she decided to not hang out with him because it bothered me. I thought that was the end of it but fast forward one week and she then tells me that she had been thinking a lot of this whole subject and that she would feel like a bad friend if she didn’t hang out with him more while he was in town. She said that during their dinner/movie he told her that he hadn’t been doing so great in school blah blah and that she felt bad if she wasn’t there for him as a friend given that he had been there for her so much in the past. I’m not going to lie, this bothered the crap out of me. However I didn’t tell her this directly at the time. I honestly was not in the mood to argue over this subject again so I told her that I had already told her how I felt on the matter and that she chooses her own actions, not me, if she feels that that’s something she needs to do in spite of what I told her then so be it. She took it as a an ok and is going to hang out with him.
Now I trust that she won’t “do anything” with her ex but it greatly bothers me that she has decided to actively pursue hanging out with her ex in spite of how I told her I felt about it. She would say that it’s only because he’s in town for only a couple weeks and that he’s having a hard time. I just don’t completely buy that. Am I being insecure by being irritated by this? Should I just trust her and allow her to hang out with her ex at her discretion?
I know that I can’t choose her actions but I can choose mine and because of that its been making me think of what I want in a relationship and it is a woman who is not emotionally attached to her ex, regardless of whether or not anything sexual is there. Is this a fair statement? Am I over-reacting?
Thanks for any input