Crass, perhaps, but more or less where I’m at. The situation: my girlfriend and I have been together almost two years, now. And I’m kind of over the relationship. Actually, no, I’m pretty damned over it. I’m starting to get that ‘things that used to be cute are annoying’ feeling, and conversation’s become a chore - mostly because, while we have some superficially similar interests, the things we want to talk about are very different, and I really, really don’t care what her friend who moved to Pennsylvania did last week. I guess it’s been a while since I started feeling that it was time to move on, perhaps six months or so.
Unfortunately, around the same time, her mother was diagnosed with a terminal, life-altering disease, and is, while not quite vegetative, not really the same person anymore. She’s an invalid, doesn’t talk much and doesn’t make sense when she does talk. My girlfriend being an only child, it’s been pretty rough on her dealing with that, especially at a time when she’d been planning on going to grad school and doing her own thing. She’s moved back in with her parents, which is an hour plus away from where I live (which is also where her school and work are).
So, I’ve stuck around, because I do care about her, and up until now that’s outweighed my feelings that I wasn’t in love with her anymore. But lately, it’s been tipping the other way, and I’m torn as to what to do. On the one hand, I’d feel like a total ass dumping her while her mother is dying, and I’m part of her support network (not to mention the purely practical fact that she stays at my place when she has work here in the morning). On the other hand, it goes completely against my ideals (and what I, in theory, would want) to lie to her about how I feel. If I tell her I love her, I’m lying, or at least deceiving her - I suppose I do love her, insofar as love equates to caring, but I’m not in love with her any more.
Also, on a purely selfish note, I don’t know how long this will continue, and of course, dumping her right after her mother dies would probably be worse. Plus, I don’t really feel comfortable talking about this with people who have to deal with both of us, since that puts them in a pretty awkward position.
TLDR version: Girlfriend has dying mother - dump her, or stay with her and lie when I say I love her?