Give me your haikus!

Okay, so I’m not the genius of verse that I thought I was, but I’ve always been proud of this little haiku:

it doesn’t take much
to keep me fat and happy
oh wait, yes it does

So give me your stupid haikus you’ve written. I’m sure most of you could top that stupid entrance.

After a discussion my mother and I had the other day:

Disappointment aches
There are no Diet Cheetos
Why, Frito-Lay, why?

All day long I spend
Reading Straight Dope threads at work;
ALT-TAB saves my ass.

I like this one I wrote, called “Firefly Haiku”:

Bright green eye opens
Quickly, then closes again.
Opposite of blink.

Poop should be dark brown
Or tan; if it’s blue or pink
Call the hospital

Dodecahedron.
No other words fit, only
“Dodecahedron.”

An older gaming-related one:

My THAC0 is 12,
And I just rolled a 15.
Did I hit the orc?

Ahh, Mofo Rising
wants Dopers to give Haiku
Back to Pit for me.

   Rode my bike to work

Holy * shit * its frickin’ cold
Note to self, fix car!

Enterprise good, but
“I can see my house from here”
was just pure genius

Haikus can’t use an-
tidisestablishmentar-
ianism well.

confucious say that
better to have two in bush
than one cock in hand

Student walks along.
Stops, pondering thoughtfully.
Look out for that truck!

This really happened to me. I had stopped on a sidewalk corner to think about something, and a rental truck slipped its brake about half a block uphill behind me. The first I knew of it was when it hit the brick wall about ten feet away.

Annoying Haiku.
What can I do to stop you?
Please shut the f*** up.

Tut tut tut, such bad language. If only your mother knew.

grr. bad Haiku makes me angry. don’t any of you know the full rules behind Haiku?

beyond simple 5-7-5 you must do four things;

1.) each line must be a full sentence or phrase; they cannot carry over from line to line.

2.) the first line must be an abstract metaphor relating to the subject.

3.)hi opal.

4.) the whole thing must be related to your meditative learnings if you are buddhist. otherwise, it must have at least a sense of higher focus, or an aim at the nature of a subject rather than the subject.

a good example;

so fire dances
mine thoughts are ephemeral
true Haiku eludes

a faulty example;

*damn it i can not
think of a single Haiku
to share as right now *

see the differences, even though both cover the same thing? hopefully you can see how you might do true Haikus, or at least better ones.

you know, i taught this lesson in the pit too… pick up on it! i don’t want to explain it in all the boards as this Haiku-mania spreads.

Line 3 is two syllables short.

:smiley:

So let me get this straight…
‘Americanized’ haiku, which is not really proper to begin with, must follow 4 strict rules even in a light-hearted vein or be “bad”, yet common English rules like, say, capitalization doesn’t count?

:wink:

Yes, yes it does.

Well, ok. you are supposed to capitalize[sub]I suck[/sub], but you aren’t supposed to use any punctuation at all in Haiku.

oh, and hombre…
you really want me to stab you with an icepick, right? because i keep thinking about that… :slight_smile:

Scylla likes my sheep
But not as much as his girl
Why don’t they elope?

Twelve inch pianist
Good luck that she isn’t scared
Of a little fun

A deep-fried turkey
Home Depot has everything
to make him tasty

Old age reflection
Pierced tongue, controlled substances
Golden Retriever

Hoo-boy! Another death threat on the Boards!!!
I sure hope curious george doesn’t find out…

Hombre… :cool:

Hark! A haiku thread!
As always, I must make link
To my haiku thread.

Saepiroth does not
understand kung-fu haiku.
He will be destroyed.

Ok, for [sup][sub]s[/sub][/sup]aepiroth:

Silver water moon
Ripples announce my presence
Frog croaks back my name

For Miller:

My dick is so big…
It is my ninja chauffeur.
Smack you down, b - otch!