Droplets swell then fall
saepiroth has had enough
I hide my icepick
So a technical haiku should read:
Abstract metaphor
A new sentence should be here
Third line: Hi Opal!
or maybe
Fire destroys the tree
Haiku rules misunderstood
Baby Jesus cries
Sometimes I sit and
wonder if the squirrels know
how much they’re envied.
Your articulation of the rules of haiku are clear and concise, and the example above is fine, but jeez, Saepiroth, unclench.
The OP asked for stupid haikus, not slavish homages to form. Perhaps you should examine your attachment to the rules here; it certainly seems more Confucian than Buddhist.
for Saepiroth
a long absent friend
poetry floods heart and mind
larks soar heavenward
for hombre
My Bruce Lee member
makes your ninja chauffeur look
like a limp noodle 
Pedant Saepiroth
You like to flaunt your knowledge
Stick it up your ass
I have long wanted to publish a 1000 page volume of haiku poems inspired by re-runs of “The A-Team”. Stuff like:
Hannibal is chief
wily master of mayhem
plan comes together
B.A. is badass
gold-laden dark warrior
pity the poor fool
and so on.
I can dream, can’t I?
LOL. jr8, methinks ju got it! ha ha
for saepiroth:
Dragon’s mist at night
Only the blind man can see
Light gives way to dark
For Yodan:
Bruce Lee member? Ha!
You can’t shoot pool with a rope
Chauffeur strong like bull
Like bullshit, you mean
I’d kato your chauffer ass,
but that row’s been hoed
Flying sparrows awe
All the attitudes are warped
My wake is risen
Heh heh. I’m suprised my pedantry has given rise to dedications of Haikus in my name!
Well, they may be horribly, horribly wrong, but the kung-fu wang Haikus are really funny.
Oh, and jr8… You know, that actually does fit the rules, despite your attempt to mock me.
So thbbbbth! I win!
Gracious angels smile
Saepiroth redeems himself
beer is free at Joe’s
there is no escape
stuck at small rural college
I crave Taco Bell
Yodan, wake up now
You dream. Time for ass whipping.
Jumps, spins (pan shot) - Kicks!
Oops…So sorry - Yondan.
I’m too damn quick for my keyboard…
or too lazy to preview.
Written for a bad haiku contest:
Two haiku enter;
One haiku leaves. Heed the law:
Haiku Thunderdome
Five syllables here.
Now seven syllables here.
And once again five.
Ahh, you use monkey
style, eh? So Pathetic!
Heee-yah! Wa!Wa!Wa!
As for you, Shady
Joy, back to the pigpit, GO!
Tina belongs to ME!
Let’s see…5
Ok,…and 7
And…1,2,3,4…OH! saepiroth, looky what Yondan did…
Bruce Lee: fortune told
Master Hombre coming soon
Bruce left while he could
Now Yondan enter
But Master Hombre here now
Yon leaves. The hard way
I don’t write haiku
Can’t express myself within
Limited format
Rats! Now I’ve done it
Tricked into writing haiku
I feel so ashamed
oh my, six syllables! why, that’s a cardinal sin!
oh well, you asked for it…
Icepick, GO!
err… that’s a toothpick…
:sighhhhh: forget it.
well, here, you hurtful meanie-person…
sorrow burns brightly
saepiroth cries in corner
yondan is evil
for saepiroth:
Time is molassess
My ass is completely numb
Meditation sucks
for infidels:
I recently learned
Haikus have more rules to them.
Now I am learned.