The probability of a failure during a test is proportional to the combined salaries of the observers.
If a program has an obscure bug that only manifests itself during an alignment of the planets, the final acceptance test will be scheduled for that day.
‘If anything can go wrong, it will.’
If it can’t go wrong, it still will.
The toast always falls buttered side down. Except if you’re trying to prove it.
If you’re eating spaghetti and wearing a striped shirt, or a multicoloured one, the sauce will drip only on the white stripes/parts of the pattern.
If the weather forecast says it’ll be fine, and you don’t take a coat, there’ll be a downpour as soon as there is no shelter nearby.
Not original:
You never hear anything good about yourself when you eavesdrop.
Mine:
The loudness of your voice is directly proportional to the inappropriateness of whatever you’re saying.
If there is any way to embarrass myself, I will find it.
The ex who was worst for you is the one you miss the most.
You will always say the most inane thing to the person you most want to impress. This will be doubly true if someone else has told this person that you are intelligent.
Living in Boston, I have formulated and verified this law:
“On a cold windy day, no matter what your destination, the wind will always blow in your face.
Conversely, upon departing said destination and making the return trip, the wind will be blowing in you face.”