Gladly the Cross I'd Eat

It’s not often I agree with religious leaders, but Mr. McAleer and I are as one on this.

I remember seeing chocolate Wives of Henry VIII when I was in England (the temptation is to bite off Anne Boleyn’s and Katharine Howard’s heads off right away). What are some of the more unfortunate candy images you’ve chowed down on?

I never ate one, or saw the actual candy, but I did see a picture of a chocolate mold identical to the photo of a starving Biafran child used to pimp charities in the seventies.

It was the most disgusting image I can recall.

I think Jesus would like that one even less than the Chocolate Jesus image.


goat’s milk caramel?

Well, I’ve been seeing candy crosses for some time. One of the few Easter treats that is labeled white chocolate is a white chocolate cross sold at Walgreens and other places. I think the brand is Palmer, but I could be mistaken.

Caramel made of goats milk? Sounds intriguing, I’d risk a little hellfire to try one! :slight_smile:

I shyed away from buying them, but noticed that Target has gawdawful orangey-red marshmallow peeps. The package actually said “Target-red!” as if someone thought that would be a selling point.

Crunchy Frog.

Does it have cherry filling that oozes out when you bite it? 'Cause that would be cool.

Wouldn’t be very filling, I’d imagine.

And the winner of this weeks first class ticket straight to hell goes to…


I’ll be joinin’ ya cause I can’t stop laughing at this.

Maybe we could make jellybean rosaries for kids. It could make praying fun and delicious. I’m not catholic but I remember my friends kid trying to recite all the things that the various beads stood for. Just think how fast he’d have learned it if each thing were a delicious new flavor!

Did I say delicious? I meant Cruci-licious. Do they make a Krackel™ version of this? Because they could market it as Corpus-Crispie.

A kid comes home from Sunday school. His mom asked him what hymns they sang.

He says, “The one about the bear”.

“Bear?”, his puzzled mother replies.

“Yeah”, he says, “that cross-eyed bear”.

“You sang about a cross-eyed bear in Sunday school!?”, asks the totally confused mother.

“Yeah”, replies the kid. “Gladly, the cross-eyed bear”.

[Hijack]I’m still waiting for the blow up Jesus. A 7 foot Jesus on the cross would look great on my lawn![/hijack]

Right – that’s exactly what Eve was riffing on in the thread title. (I remember getting chocolate crosses, adorned with what appeared to be hard-nougat lilies, when I was a kid.)

Googling for the punchline to your joke, I found that Ed McBain had written a detective novel with that title, which is going on my “do not read” list, along with this, in which a cartoon character named Gladly Bear, who has the requisite ophthalmic problem, goes on adventures. (I was not able to confirm that the books were edited by Esmeralda, 13th Baroness Mondegreen.)

Damn you!!! I can’t think of anything nearly so funny or clever. Arrrgggg!! :slight_smile:

I don’t care if I brushes or flosses
Long as I got my chocolate crosses
Sitting next to my marshmallow peeps
Deep rich brown, not white or tan
Melts in your mouth not in your hand
Sitting next to my marshmallow peeps

The Old Rugged Cross made by Russell Stover
Means that Spring is here, and winter’s over
Sitting next to my marshmallow peeps

Oh, don’t worry. I’m damned now.

Hold up folks! We got us a late entry in the weekly First Class One Way Ticket To Hell Contest and it looks like a sur- fire winner!

From Polycarp:

Ditto here – I remember chocolate crosses from when I was a kid. Why the big deal about it now?

You want a blasphemous idea people can get worked up about? Garfield-style stick-up crucifixes with suction cups on each arm. For your car.

I want a chocolate Jesus with raspberry filling.

No, really. I do.