God Damnit, I am am sorry if I repeat myself, but fuck you God

The BBQ Pit
21

Techie,

I am in a similar dilemma. I am almost 33 and have never been in a long lasting relationship. My parents are the worst about trying to pressure me into any relationship. They try to make me feel guilty about not having a girlfriend. My father keeps saying that I must be unhappy. No matter how often I tell him I’m happy, he won’t believe it. The fact of the matter is that they want more grandkids.

I though that there was something wrong with me for not being in a relationship. Then the realization came to me that I am happy with my life the way it is. Sure, not having sex on a regular basis sucks, but there is more to life than that. Rather than go with the ‘hit or miss’ approach to love/relationships, I’ve decided to play it safe and be absolutely sure about the woman I decide to share my life with. I’ve seen too many people, my age and younger who, in desperation to be married, made bad choices and end up getting divorced. Don’t be in such a tizzy to get into a relationship that you make a bad choice or ‘settle’. You must be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable with someone else.

22

Maybe you are alone because you talk to god. Talk to men.

23

I don’t know you except for the postings that you have made on the SDMB, but I felt I had to respond anyway–hope you don’t mind the intrusion. It probably doesn’t help much to hear people tell you that they have felt much the same at some point or another, but it’s very true all the same. Like most things in life, this is only a temporary thing and it will pass. The bitch of it is waiting for the rebound to happen.

Sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate right now: uncertainty in your professional and personal lives, and probably some other stuff that you don’t want or need to share right now. If you can afford to do it, how about giving yourself several days off from work and everything else? If it’s feasible you should give it a try. Sometimes all it takes is a little more sleep and solitude(probably what you don’t think you need right now) to put you right again.

My wife and I are kind of like you in the fact that we seem to give more in relationships with our friends and family than we get in return. Maybe you need to let these people know that you need some support from them now. It could be that they haven’t really abandoned you, but feel embarrassed about laying all of their problems on you. Maybe they need a reminder that you’re human as well and that you need their help sometimes, too.

As far as finding “the right someone”, I’m just as inept as the next person in knowing how to do it. If most people are honest, they’ll tell you that luck is a major factor. I would never have thought I could meet someone as wonderful as my wife in the way that I did. It all stemmed from a blind date, of all things. Can’t say that anything really exceptional happened, we just seemed to click. It could be the same thing will happen for you. Let things happen as they will and you will probably succeed without really trying. From the responses you’ve gotten from the other posters, you sound like the kind of woman that any sane man would want to share their life with. Since you posted in the Pit and nobody has raked you over the coals with the typical “grow the fuck up” or “don’t be such a wuss” responses, I think that it shows that a lot of people are pulling for you and really want to see you find your happiness again. I don’t think it’s just people wishing you well. I think it’s people knowing that things will turn around for you.

Sending a good thought your way…

24

I really don’t know what to say.

TC, just from talking to you in the chat room the past couple of weeks, I’ve gotten to like you a lot. You’re witty, smart, kind. If I didn’t live a thousand miles away, you’d probably need a restraining order to keep me away.

Right now it sounds like you have too many things happening at once. Things will slow down, they always do.

Take care of yourself, maintain an even strain, and worst case scenario, you can run away from home and move to Chicago.

I don’t normally do this either, but

(((((((techchick)))))))))

25

Well, if nothing else, God has shown me that there are a lot of people that care about me.

Wally, thank you for your tears with me, that touches me deeply, I got tears in my eyes thinking you had tears in your own for me.

God I love you guys, I wish I knew all of you personally! I will be so happy to meet so many of you in Vegas! I hope more of you come.

As for BoogerFuck, eh, I can handle that halfwit. 'Sides, he’s too easy.
Hey purplebear, was that you on my caller ID? If so, thank you for attempting to reach me.

As for the age thing, it’s not so much the age it’s been like this for years. I always fear to be always alone and that scares me.

Eve, where can I get the pillow. Guess I am and will be a spinster…BTW, how does one go about getting rid of sexual energy when one is a spinster. I have a lot to learn.

Looks like I have a lot of emails to answer…

Oh and to keep this pit like…I can smell the fires from up north, Goddamn that must be scary! Fucking A, I am so sad for those people.

Guess I could be one of those people loosing their homes and their worldly posessions, guess my life isn’t that bad. On occasion though it hits ya like a brick on the head and there’s rarely a good release.

{{{{{{{I LOVE YOU GUYS}}}}}}}}}}

26

Wow!! There really is such a wonderful group of people on this board. I had tears in my eyes just reading this thread.
You people are all great people, and I’m proud to be a part of things here.

Techie, one thing that was mentioned on this board that I agree with so strongly, among many others, is that meeting someone happens when you least expect it, and most importantly, right when you stop looking. I’m certainly not old enough to have nearly the experience of so many others in here, I’m 24, but I found my first girlfriend at the age of 23. For years I felt like a freak, er… well… I’m definitely a freak, but for years I felt like a lonely freak, all my friends hooking up, then getting into serious relationships, and I just couldn’t seem to click with anyone. Most of all, I didn’t like myself, so I gave no one else reason to like me. People see you how you see yourself. I worked hard on myself at giving up the struggle to find someone, so hard that I actually reached the point where I accepted comfortably that I would spend my life alone. I had concluded that I was no good for anyone, and I was from then on going to make the best of a life by myself, heck I was looking forward to it. It was within a month or two of achieving this inner peacefulness that I met my first and only girlfriend of my life.

I’ve read much of your posts here, and you’ve cracked me up so many times. You’re obviously intelligent and witty, so interesting with so much to say.

Things will get better. Moods come in cycles and this one shall pass in time. :):):slight_smile:

27

You have already gotten the advice I would have given you. Please take some of it to heart.

I just want to tell you that you are not the only female that is as you described. I am just as wierd as you are, probably worse. I know the frustration. You are not alone girl. You will probably never really change, but you will find someone that can understand you, and will love you for being you.

Keep in mind that although your path is difficult, you are unique and you shine in a world of dull people.

28

Techchick: Well, I like you, anyway. Remeber, we are always here to listen to you 24/7. Want to cry?- we’ll cry with you. Rant?, hell, we LOVE to rant.

On a side note, I really suggest you try St. John’s Wort (assuming you are not on any other sort of “happy” pills), try it for a month.

29

Hey Techie,
I just read this thread for the first time, and I just wanted to pop in and say hi. I’m glad to see by your last post that you’re feeling better :slight_smile:
I’m here if you even need to talk.
Rose

30

tech, my favorite chat person:
I myself, had no SO for 6 years. Now I am 41 and about to be married. Things will get better, God does have his own timing.
He is not there to give us exactly what we want when we want it.

31

"Somehow I never measure up, somehow I am a fucked up person, somehow you allow the fact that complete loosers I know live happy lives, but what the fuck did I do to not deserve it? "

You came here toots. Go suck on Daniels cock one more time, and then head for high ground. The mud you’re slogging through is slowing you down.

32

I was halfway through a message to Lynn and Tuba about this latest incarnation when I saw the “BANNED” appellation.

Thanks, ladies, y’all are the greatest.

33

It’s not all that bad. If you are trying to find an SO–it’ll happen in due time. And the strange thing is it usually happens when you’re not actively looking.

If there is a God…I wonder why he would pay any attension to this corner of the Universe. It’s pretty lame IMHO.

Take all that negative energy and go to a health club–work out. Have a well balanced diet. Enjoy life some, nobody gets out alive. Try deep breathing. Walk around with a bouce in your step and a smile, you’ll be surprised at the people you’ll meet.

At least you don’t have finiancial problems. From my observation they seem to cause most of the frustration in many people’s lives.

You have to remember you are in control of your life much more than you think. And don’t wallow in the past…I used to do this a lot and it’s just a big waste. Be in the now!

34

Hey Tech, just now found this post and all I can say is that pain hurts and sometimes it feel bottomless. I’ve been lucky to see you in the flesh and must say that your eyes sparkled in that afternoon sun. A lot goes on behind them and proclaiming that you hurt is a wonderful thing. For you I wish peace and sweetness as the only way to give something away is to have it already. I’m behind you and know you’ll persevere.

The Germ

35

Germie,

Thank you my dear! Hey, when’s the next beer fest? We Colorado Dopers have dwindled by two (Lex is busy with his new game and SingleDad is, well, MIA) but those of us left know how to party! Athena, you must meet us!

Damnit, you guys are too kind!

My world is scary. I totally dig a man I can’t have, but that’s my problem. He is probably the nicest, sweetest and kindest person I have ever known.

I do fear being alone, I fear growing older without the benefit of rolling over at the age of 70 and seeing the wrinkled face of my love…

I am not actively seeking and never have, in fact I am scared of relationships, but the thought of a companion is enticing.

< pit like rant >

I fucking hate feeling like this! And yes it will fucking pass!

36

Peace, rest and confidence beamin’ at ya, techchick.

You aren’t alone in “soul hunger” or tough questions. (The tough questions are the only ones worth anything.) If it helps–and no reason it should–experience has taught me that “answers” come just about the time you stop looking.

Here’s the simple answer: you’re your own answer. That un-met soul mate is just as needy, confused and empty as you are. Being human basically sucks lots of the time.

But right now you’re over-stressed, drawn too tightly and hurting too badly. Sounds selfish, but it’s common sense; you can’t give what you don’t have. (And FWIW, this comes from one who pulled every asinine mistake in the book, but only took a decade or so to wake up.)

Took me waayyy too long to recognize this, but no one can fulfill anyone else. What you can do is build your own life to honor who you are and what you’ve learned. When you have your own life, totally unsought, the “other” will show up. Not as an “answer” but as that companion you yearn for, i.e. just another fallible human whose quirks, foibles and gaps complement your own.

Don’t despair, dear. As the great Lester Kolodney put it, “Don’t press; let it happen.” You’re growing depth, complexity and kindess.

Veb

37

< sniff sniff >

Damn you people amaze me, I have happy tears in my eyes right now.

Two people sent me e-cards, how kind, how sweet of you!

< sniff sniff >

You all are the greatest!

38

I find that music helps me cope through the most terrible times in life. If your feeling rejected and alone, like you don’t belong, a really good band to listen to is AFI. Davey Havok’s lyrics sometimes seem like theyve taken all the fucked up emotions from my soul and put them into beautiful inspiring poetry. I dont think just anyone can listen to them though, the music is pretty hard by some folks standards, but i recommend you checking it out (on napster or somthing)

Lates

-sean

39

Oh, my dear, if I could wrap you in my arms right now I would. Railing against God is pointless; there are many Gods and to pick one to blame seems very silly to my mind but in your pain I can see why you do rail.

God, any God, is not punishing you! There is nothing in this universe that is punishing you for anything you have or haven’t done. I do not have anger against you for being upset and wailing out against the void. You are in pain and want someone else to acknowledge that pain without judging you.

I am your woman.

I don’t judge you for being angry that you feel that at your time in life you have no one to share your joy and heartbreak with. You feel alone and wonder why this is so. You feel that you have done everything to make what you need come about and it has not happened for you. You have every right to be angry! But you also have every right to go on seeking what it is you wish in this life.

In every life there are trials. There are parts of yourself and your life that you must master. There are those who say true love, real love, comes from within yourself. You must love yourself before another can love you. And even if you do love yourself your own love toward yourself will have spots and holes; we seek one who can skip lightly across those breaches and still accept us.

Age has nothing to do with this. It is not a part of “nature” or “design” that we find this love at a certain age. You may not find this until you are 40, 50, 60 or more. But you may find good, honest, love in places you have not looked. In the eyes of your family or friends. The eyes of a child. Even the eyes of a beloved pet. There is love all around you, even, I dare say, on this board. It is a matter of accepting it, for what it is. It may not be all you want but it will carry you until such time that you find what you seek.

You seem to hate yourself for where you are now and for things you feel you should do but have not done. Do them or remove yourself from the responsibility. From this honesty with yourself will spring the first tides of self acceptance and love. Being scared is a big part of taking responsibility for yourself and your life. It is scary. But the rewards are vast.

My very best wishes to you on the path,
and my sincere love,
Byz

40

I am still amazed by you all.

Thank you Byz, I appreciate your words of encouragement.

Damn, I wish I had you all in my city…my life would be better if I had real life friends like all of you around me.

< tech notes that all of her real life friends have never been as supportive as this >