God’s Database – What would you look up?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

You are allowed access to God’s Database three times per month to obtain exact and correct answers to your specific and objective questions about yourself or other human beings.

What’s this? You say you don’t know from God’s Database? Well, It is the repository for all things factual. Now you know.

Perhaps some sample questions would help get your brain fired up. You might ask:

[ul]
[li]How many times per day, on average, has Jennifer Aniston farted in her life?[/li][li]When did Paul McCartney last eat meat?[/li][li]How many Big Macs have I eaten in my life?[/li][li]How many people has O.J. Simpson killed?[/li][li]How many prostitutes has my neighbor paid to have sex with?[/li][/ul]
You get the idea. You are allowed to ask – and will receive correct answers to - three questions every month.

What are your three questions for September?

(Oh yeah, I almost forgot. You’re an atheist. There is no God. Let’s pretend, just this once, OK?)
mmm

2

  1. Taman Shud. Who was the dead man? What killed him? Who? Why?

  2. What happened to my husband’s great-grandmother? She is well-documented until 1937, the daughter of a prominent family, former wife of a prominent businessman, niece of a county commissioner, etc. A society lady. And then she is gone. I can’t find any record - no grave, death certificate, nothing.

  3. What actually happened to the princes in the Tower?

3

  1. That whole Jesus thing - he wasn’t really your offspring was he?

  2. What encryption/firewalls/security etc. do you use to keep Satan from hacking this database?

  3. List of other planets with intelligent life within 100 light years of earth

4

  1. I’m thinking of a number between one and seventy-five. What is it?

  2. That $100 gift card I lost. Where did I lose it?

  3. I’m thinking of a number between one and five thousand. What is it?

5

Not interested in looking up any data but I would hack it to remove sociopathy and sadism from the human genome.

6

What happened to the box of little trinkets and memorabilia from my childhood.

7

From the OP I gather that we cannot ask questions about the future. Therefore:

  1. Was D.B. Cooper killed within an hour of parachuting out of the plane?
  2. My Jewish ex-girlfriend insists that Walt Disney was thoroughly anti-semitic. Is she correct?
  3. Where is Jimmy Hoffa or what’s left of him?
8

Was there any more to JFKs death than one dude wanting to kill the president?

Is there intelligent life outside of the earth?

If the answer to that one is yes then: Do any of them have the capacity to actually visit us?

If the answer is no: Did I have any lasting positive impact on anyone in my past that wouldn’t be considered obvious (like my family or whatever)?

9

How can I contact the student teacher from my 9th grade French class? I need to ask him if he knew what a big crush I had on him. :smiley:

Did Shakespeare really write all that stuff that has been attributed to him?

Pluto - planet or no?

10

What is the password to my old KoL account?

Where is that Ramona and her Father library book that I tore my bedroom apart looking for, never found and had to pay the 10 dollar replacement fee out of my own allowance?

What was Kaspar Hauser’s deal anyway?

11

  1. Could you please relay a message to my late 8th grade math teacher. Tell him he was my all-time favorite teacher, and I still have a huge crush on him.

  2. Could you please relay a question to my deceased father. Ask him whether he knew what he was saying, the one time he said “I love you.” (He had Alzheimer’s.) And tell him I remember what he did when I was a baby, but I forgive him.

  3. Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?

12

I would certainly not waste any questions by asking about my neighbor or Jennifer Aniston.

13

What is the password to that encrypted file full of bitcoins that I still have on my computer?

Is there a way to cure face blindness, and, if so, what is it?

How can I help the most people in the world, given my existing skills and temperament?

14

How many of my homophobic male friends have had sex with other men.

Who stole my CD 3 years ago.

15

  1. Was I switched at birth? Please?

  2. Has Alice ever really cheated on Sheryl?

  3. Who was Jack the Ripper?

16

What happened to the Beaumont children?

Was Queen Elizabeth I really a virgin?

Did Queen Victoria sleep with John Brown?

17

Who wrote the Book of Love?

Who put the ‘Wham’ in the 'Wham-a-Lam-a-Ding-Dong"?

If You are Love, and Love is Blind, does that mean you’re Stevie Wonder?

18

  1. Mary Celeste. Let’s get it settled once and for all.

  2. Is there a prehistoric monster living in Loch Ness?

  3. How do you REALLY feel about gays? (If you have the time, please visit WBC and set them straight, mmkay?)

19

Hmm, I want to know how much each of my friends makes at the jobs, how much is in their bank accounts and how much is their mortgage.

I guess I will ask that of one friend (or couple?) each month. Starting with my best friends.

20

  1. Kathleen McGowan.

  2. A properly built Ding Dong will supply its own “Wham”.

  3. No, it means you are Ray Charles.