God’s Database – What would you look up?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41
  1. What is the complete list of women that would be willing to have sex with me? Now and in each past year.

Hmmm, since I’m happily married , probably best not to know.
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42

  1. Duckbill platypus?!?..admit it, you were drunk, right? The Kardashians?!? Same question.

  2. You and your clone vs. Satan and 2 of his clones in an MMA team battle: who wins?

  3. [del] How can we humans achieve world peace?[/del]…scratch that, I’ve got a more pressing question: you’ve knocked up at least one virgin, haven’t you?

43
  1. The locations and descriptions of any present and past life (and fossil evidence) in the solar system outside of Earth
  2. The exact location of any and all evidence of felonious (and/or repulsive) behavior of Donald Trump (if the evidence consists of witness reports, then the location and names of the witnesses) and any/all other American politicians (if this counts as 2, then just for Trump unless I can get all politicians including Trump in 1 question)
  3. Chemical/DNA formulas for cures and vaccines of all human diseases
44

To be fair:The exact location of any and all evidence of felonious (and/or repulsive) behavior of Hillary Clinton (if the evidence consists of witness reports, then the location and names of the witnesses).

45

Are we only allowed to run queries? No DELETE statements? DROP DATABASE maybe? Or at least TRUNCATE?

46

Actually, I think I’d prefer this… just to mess with the entire world’s heads.



SET IDENTITY_INSERT dbo.People OFF

UPDATE dbo.People SET id = NEWID();
GO

SET IDENTITY_INSERT dbo.People ON

… but on further reflection, God is not a great designer, so there’s not much change he used SQL.

Given the poor design, repetition and general flakiness of creation, God’s database is probably MongoDB.

47

  1. Voynich Manuscript - WTH was it?

  2. Amelie Earhardt - We know they died, but where, how, and why no evidence found yet? Where’s that plane?

  3. MH370 - See #2.

48

Well that Mary girl…

49

How many workplace accidents have occurred by slipping and falling while resetting the “It Has Been X Days Since The Last Workplace Accident” clocks? My sense of irony must know!

I’d like to read the database entries on last words. A bit morbid, sure, but fascinating. How many people’s last words were “mommy”? Terrified cursing? A hasty prayer? How many “hold my beer and watch this”? How many died with the words “I love you” on their lips? How many died saying “fuck you” to a victorious foe standing over them?

I’d also want to search based on geography. I’d want to find a little plot of earth somewhere, just an acre, maybe less. Then I’d search to see how many trees have grown there - from creation to the end of life. Which species? How many animals passed through? How many were born there and how many died? How does the number of blades of grass vary over the years and ages? And the ants! How many total? How many colonies? Were the colonies ever at war? Who won? I want to see how the data change over time and imagine in my mind’s eye the grand sweep of the ungrand.

50

Kind of like the scene in “Time Machine” where Rod Taylor is sitting in the time machine watching the years fly by.

51

Interesting. I worked for a hospice several years ago and observed many deaths. I remember some last words. The one that sticks with me is the 29-year-old who was holding a photo of his newborn niece, glancing at it every now and then, and repeating “I don’t want to die”.
mmm