Where do I begin? I have several close female friends, known collectively as The Girls.
One of them, I’ll call her R., realized her period was late. She tells me this and I tell her to stop on her way home from work and get a pregnancy test. She instead waits another month before taking one. It’s positive. I tell her to go to the doctor to get it confirmed. Guess how long she waits? Yep another month. Once it’s official that’s she’s pregnant, she tells me what I already knew…that she has to have an abortion. I will not go into the multitude of reasons why but she COULD NOT carry this child to term.
Again she drags her feet about making the appointment. By the time she does, she’s sixteen weeks along and has to have a more expensive and complicated procedure. The whole time I support her even though I really want to grab her by the shoulders and shake her hard, screaming “Use a fucking rubber at least! It’s called birth control, look into it!”
Well yesterday I go into the bathroom at work and hear someone puking. My friend D comes out off a stall, obviously sick. I ask her if she’s ok and she tells me she’s been sick every morning for four days straight. Before I can say anything, she says she already bought a test. I ask her what she’s going to do if she is pregnant and she says she’ll keep it.
I point out the fact that she’s broke, still lives at home with her pareants and that her SO is unemployed. I tell her just to think about things, that I’m not telling her to have an abrtion but she may consider adoption.
She blows up in my face about since I can’t have kids I’ve got an attitude.
Correction: I can get pregnant. I’ve been pregnant and miscarried when I was about ten weeks along. With my family medical history-every feamle in my family has had at least one miscarriage-and the fact I’m an insulin dependant diabetic, I can’t just get pregnant. I would have to plan it out carefully and maybe that’s why I’m so anal about birth control. Plus I watched one of my best friends die of AIDS eight years ago and ever since then have ALWAYS insisted that condoms are used. No exceptions until I see test results back.
D and R…I love you guys but please, you’re both intelligent women, how hard is it to use a rubber? To go on the pill? To get a freaking diaphragm?
To think beforehand that actions do have consequences?
Gee, anyone can make a mistake, and accidents do happen, but it sounds like your friend #1 was living in Denial World for a long time. For some reason it strikes me as irresponsible not to take immediate action, especially if she was going to get an abortion anyway.
And your second friend sounds like she could do with a whomp from the reality stick too. Broke, dependant on her own parents, with an SO who will be a financial liability instead of asset - yeah, I’m sure she’s the ideal candidate for being a mom. :rolleyes: Best case scenario she’ll get her shit together and either make a successful go of parenthood, or she’ll come to her senses about her situation and consider adoption.
Actually, no. Best case scenario, she’s not preggers and just has a nasty stomach bug. Here’s hoping.
Good rant, by the way. It gives me the feeling you must have of beating your head against a wall.
Yep, it’s pretty scary when I’m the sensible one in the group.
D did call and apologize. We had a long talk about the reality of motherhood. I took care of both of my nephews from infancy and I know. The fun of two a.m. feedings, what it’s like to try to calm a baby with colic, the joy of being puked,peed,shit on…
Hopefully she’s just sick but at least now she understands that babies aren’t cute little dolls to play with. They are hard,intensive work.
I understand what you are saying, I have two female friends who just can’t be bothered with birth control, even though they state specifically they do not want to have kids or more kids. (One is a mom, the other is not–the one who is not jumps back and forth between wanting a child and not wanting a child).
The one sleeps around quite a bit. She’s been pregnant four times that I’m aware of. She’s against abortion and wouldn’t personally put a child up for adoption. Whenever she has a pregnancy scare and the birth control issue comes up, she giggles and says she just can’t remember to take her pills. Yeah, heheh, funny stuff. Can’t be bothered to protect yourself against STDs, AIDS, and unwanted pregnancy, but a capable parent? Sure. I try not to let it get to me (she’s not a close friend, and I don’t feel like getting emotionally drained whenever this comes up) but damn!
Come to think of it, I know a lot of women who have two, three, four or even five kids–most or all by different fathers. I know guys who have kids with different mothers but I don’t know any single-parent fathers with custody or access. . . so the mothers stand out in my mind more.
I have a friend who’s been having unprotected sex since she was 13 - three pregnancy scares so far, and yet she still refuses to use a condom. Not to mention the other risks she’s letting herself in on.
So, I definitely know the feeling… especially since she’s also the type to ignore things in hope that they’ll go away. So if she ever DID get pregnant, it’s likely she wouldn’t test herself for it until it was way too late - the results of which could wreck her life forever.
I really need to talk some common sense into my friends.
I peered for awhile at that clause. Reread the OP entirely again. Looked back at that particular clause. Looked at the OP again. Typed a few fragments. And I’m still just not fitting it in with the rest. The edges just don’t seem to match up somehow. Odd.
Anyway, my sympathies to any future children saddled with them, and my hopes that the randomly-selected other half of their DNA gives them a better shot.
When it comes to other things, they are intelligent,focused women. It’s just this issue that they are clueless about.
[sub] Like I can talk with my track record with men but that’s another rant on another day [/sub]
But, good news…D is not pregnant. The scare did make her go on the Pill though. Now it’s R’s turn.
Yay!!! I don’t even know the girl and I’m relieved she’s not pregnant! A word of caution, though: she’s spooked enough now to get on the pill, but she may or may not have the long term follow through needed for it to be effective. I know it’s not your job, but ask her how it’s going every so often, will ya? A week or so in, then maybe every month or so to make sure she’s still taking them. They say it takes 6 to 8 weeks to form a new habit. If she looks like having problems, help her figure out a way to remember.
Are D and R friends? If so, maybe R can learn from D’s near miss and follow her good example.
To follow up on missdavis’ post, if she can’t be bothered to take the pill, you might want to talk to her about alternative methods. I simply could not get myself to take it reliably at the same time every day, and eventually got smart enough to investigate other options. I now have an IUD, and it’s great. Others swear by DepoProvera.
A lot of people just take the Pill because it’s what they’ve heard of, without thinking about all the options available.
Yes, D and R are friends. You’d think watching what R went through would make D more careful…
I swear…I thought I was the only one who was absolutely clueless when it came to men.
[sub] Yes, I, hardygrrl, said that. Hope you were sitting down. [/sub]
I love both of them to death but sometimes I don’t want to be the wise one. Sometimes I have things I need help with.
