Going on vacation while my vacation partner has feelings for me, need advice

[even_sven]

@Fuzzy_Dunlop

I think planning a trip where you’ll share a bed with a woman you have no intention of having sex with is pretty strange.

I think it depends on the circles you run with. Among my friends (who can roughly be summed up as “cheapskate adventurers”) it’s absolutely par for the course. I think I’ve shared a platonic bed at some point with 80% of my friends her in China over the course of our many travels.

If were a bunch of middle aged professionals on a resort vacation or something, I guess that would be pretty strange.

[Lemur866]

It’s not sharing a bed with a person you have no romantic feelings with that’s strange. It’s sharing a bed with a person who desperately wants to bone you but you have no romantic feelings for. Platonic friends sharing a bed? No problem. Non-platonic friends sharing a bed? No problem. Where one friend is platonic and the other isn’t? Problem.

And sure, if the guy with the crush isn’t a douchebag, he can grow the fuck up and keep his hands to himself. Unfortunately, lots of guys turn out to be douchebags when their penises get involved.

[Anaamika]

@nicole1912

Oh, yes - sorry, I didn’t mean to imply there was anything wrong with never having shared a bed with someone you’re not having sex with, or anything - and rereading my post, it does maybe come across that way. It just surprised me - of all the things that shout at me in the OP, that was one that never occurred to me… It was more surprise at my blind spot, rather than anyone else’s different experiences!

I didn’t take it that way, no worries. I just remember this topic coming up before, too, and noted with amusement that last time I was pretty shocked that people regularly share beds platonically with members of their preferred sex - it is very far out of the realm of my experience - and this time around I’m all “meh”.

[Mnem]

@Fuzzy_Dunlop

I think planning a trip where you’ll share a bed with a woman you have no intention of having sex with is pretty strange. I was exaggerating when I suggested merely traveling with a woman without having sex was strange.

We weren’t sure what the bed situation would be like at the start of planning and the friend didn’t mention any concerns. I was the only one that seemed to. So yes, agreed that it’s strange.

Update:

We had a talk today. The friend, when referring to the alcohol comments, apparently meant his feelings if our situation was like this in the future, but not for the duration of the trip and near future. He thinks everything will be fine although agrees there is an increased risk of things going wrong. We can sleep in separate places for one half of the trip which is okay with him but not for the other half. The other half of the trip is staying with some friends who don’t have much room. I made it very clear that the feelings aren’t mutual and that I feel awkward with the whole situation. He seemed to understand. He is okay with whatever we want to do as the third friend and I planned our trip before inviting him. The guy isn’t a douchebag as far as I am aware. He seemed pretty understanding of my concern and agreed that it was appropriate though I’m still not sure why it wasn’t brought up before and I am upset about that part. Any more advice?

[handsomeharry]

Without going into who is what sex, I sense this: If the mystery friend is a male, and you are a female, the alcohol comment is an indication that he WILL have sex with you, welcomed or not.
If mystery friend is a female, and you are a male, be prepared to see nudity, in light of alcohol comment.
If same sex, cannot tell you a derned thing.

Best wishes,
hh