We’re off to Nantucket for a couple of days and I need limericks to regale my friends with! Whatcha got??
Are you sure you want to go there (this thread)?
Hokay…
There once was a man from Nantucket…
…whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin, “If my ear were a cunt, I’d fuck it”.
There was a young man from Madras
Who had forty pound balls of brass
When they clanged together
They played Stormy Weather
And lightning shot out of his ass
There was a young plumber named Lee,
Who was plumbing a maid by the sea.
Said the maid, “Cease your plumbing!
I think someone’s coming!”
Said the plumber, still plumbing, “It’s me!”
It’s a long, sometimes rough ferry ride! The more jokes & the like, the merrier.
A frustrated young Mr. Hall
Pushed his clone from a very high wall.
He said in disgust,
“All that guy does is cuss!”
He was jailed for an obscene clone fall.
There once was a woman from Wheeling,
Who claimed she’d no sexual feeling,
'Til a fellow named Boris,
Did lick her clitoris,
And she had to be scraped off the ceiling.
Said the Cardinal to Mother Superior
“Your singing is quite inferior!”
She, not to be crass,
did show some real class
Said,“You can kiss my posterior!”
There was a young woman of Worcester
Who thought that a rorcester sedorcester.
She let out a scream,
But 'twas only a dream -
A bump in the mattress had gorcester!
A young fellow named Cholmondeley Colquhoun,
Once kept as a pet a babolquhoun,
His mother said, “Cholmondeley,
Do you think it quite colmondeley,
To feed your babolquhoun with a spolquhoun?”
Nitpick: “If my ear were a cunt, I could fuck it” doesn’t disrupt the rhythm.
My humble contribution:
An adventurous young lady named Jill
Used a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her vagina in North Carolina
and bits of her tits in Brazil
There was an old man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter named Nan
Ran away with a man;
and as for the bucket, Nantucket.
Don’t.
I’ve spent summers ‘on island’, and no one thinks a limerick is funny.
Seriously, if you’re telling these to any islanders, just don’t.
There was a young fellow from Boston
Who bought himself a new Austin
There was room for his ass
And a gallon of gas
But his balls hung out and he lost 'em
A Nantucket-related limerick: S.M. Stirling’s speculative-fiction “Island”, and “Emberverse”, series, alluded to.
They were sent to 1250 BC,
With which most, as pissed-off as could be;
But they should have felt mirth:
For the rest of the Earth
Got a different – much worse – deal, you see.
My sense of humor tends to be wide
Friends want me to stop, they’ve tried!
But I would never tell a pun
To a native Nantucketun
I wish to keep some of my pride.
Nantucket Nantucket Nantucket
Nantucket Nantucket Nantucket
Nantucket oh fuck it
Nantucket oh fuck it
Nantucket Nantucket Nantucket
There was an old man named Berthold
Who liked to drink beer in the cold.
As he lifted his cup,
He said, ♪ ♪♪ “Never gonna give you up…” ♪♪ ♪
Oh snap, you’ve been limerick rolled!
The Duchess, whilst pouring out tea,
Said “Do you fart when you pee”?
I replied, with some wit,
“Do you belch when you shit”?
And I think that was one up to me.
There once was a man named Fellini
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
So to not be uncouth
He spilled some vermouth
And slipped his girlfriend a martini