Once Hamlet had way too much time
And thought it would be funny to rhyme
Limerick form it took
SDMB was the hook
And he hopes it’s less annoying than mimes.
Feel free to join in. It’s fun.
There once was a miserable bastard.
Von Savant, he greatly surpassed her
He a genius you know
And he’ll tell you so
Of course he’s Cecil, our Perfect Master.
There once was a foreskin that got cut
Which made JDTyler a nut
He ranted and raved
But no skin was saved
Because he had his head up his butt.
There once was a poster from Kent
Who said to Esprix, “Get bent.”
’sprix followed his word
and next thing we heard
The poster from Kent was spent.
[sub]okay, I’m going to hell for that one. Yep, yep, yep.[sub]
There once was a poster named lieu
Who thought everything funny 'bout poo
A fart made him giggle
Or maybe to wriggle
If it came out as lumpy doo-doo
I’ve got no talent at rhyming
Some people think it’s my timing
But the ugly truth is
It’s my trick wrist
And the fact that I forget…what was I talking about? Guess it doesn’t matter a whole lot, anyway, hm? Ah, well, off to look at porno…
I was going to start this thread, but I couldn’t figure out how to spell limerick. True story. Anyway, I’m glad someone finally did, because I’d have never gotten around to it!
Not SDMB related, but uses Nantucket:
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who told his employer to suck it.
His boss felt harassed,
And fired his ass,
And now the man lives in a bucket.
And one about SDMB:
There once was a place called “The Pit,”
Where people would rave, rant and spit-
Where asshats were chided,
And strong views collided,
In harsh words or stunning great wit.
There once was a post writ en francais
which went unreplied to all day
Then somebody said
use German instead
and then you’ll get replies from jarbabyj
There once was a Doper named Ethilrist
Who fancied himself a gay specialist
But, alas, he could not
Tell gay bottoms from tops
And so learned that Esprix’s not to be messed with!
Here endeth the lesson.
Esprix
There once was a man from Peru
But this limerick ends at Line Two…
There once was a man from Verdun…
warning: dirty and not an origional - but my favorite limerick nonetheless
There once was a plumber from Leigh
H’was plumbing the maid by the sea
Said the maid: “cease your plumbing,
I hear someone coming”
Said the plumber, still plumbing, “Its me.”
:smack:
There once was a woman from Spork
Who used to eat shit with a fork,
Her son cried, “You goon!
You eat shit with a spoon!
It’s pork that you eat with a fork!”
There once was a man from Moline
Who invented a f***ing machine.
Both concave and convex,
it could serve either sex,
but, oh, what a bastard to clean.
There once was a woman of Glors
Whose body was covered in sores.
The dogs in the street
would lick the green meat
that hung in festoons from her drawers.
There was a gay priest from New Delhi,
had the Lord’s Prayer tattooed on his belly.
By the time that a brahmin
read down to the Amen
he’d blown both salvation and Kelly.
…I got a million of 'em, a million.
His powers far exceed those of Mod
His feet do not deign to touch sod
He’s wise and he’s cunning
He keeps the board running
Three cheers for Jerry the Tech God
There once was a man for all season
His posts were intelligent and pleasin’
He backed up with cites.
Rarely got into fights.
TomnDeb is our voice of reason.
Called TVGuy, news is my quest
This work doesn’t bring lots of rest
But on Straight Dope I find
Many more of my kind
Enlightened, ready to DopeFest!
(OK, OK, I’m VERY fatigued today…)
Hamlet, Jerry TG needed that! Here’s one from Issac Asimov:
“There was a young woman named Robbie
Who would wait in a theater lobby
To catch all those guys
Who had unzippered flies.
Oh, well, it’s an int’resting hobby” 
Hey, I have another naive question—
how does the actual honest-to-God “there once was a man from Nantucket…” go? I have been asking around and I cannot find how it goes!!
Or maybe it’s just one of those limericks that has no ending----you know, all you are supposed to ever know is the first line, spawning said naive speculation?
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
as he wiped off his chin,
“If my ear were a c***, I would f*** it!”
>> how does the actual honest-to-God “there once was a man from Nantucket…” go?
The master speaks:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_183.html
Let’s all go to SDMB
There’s something for everyone, you’ll see
IMHO is lite
In the Pit we can fight
Then discuss gods and guns in GD
The Cafe has more arty fare
While MPSIMS’s for stuff we must share
Then we’ll head to GQ
And learn something new
As we fight ignorance everywhere
It helps if you say MPSIMS as ‘mip-sims’.