So one of my good friends (OK, ex-fiance which he ended badly by letter, but we are good friends now) had been sober ever since a drunk driving arrest in November (didn’t crash, was going the wrong way and blew through a stop sign- he was .21, and he’s 6’5" and 250). The arrest really seemed to a wakeup call and I sincerely thought that he would stay sober (he admitted his problem in May of 05), divorce his wife (it’s the most dysfunctional relationship I’ve ever seen, he admits he doesn’t love her- he married her to save her from her dysfunctional family), and get his life together. That was until this morning.
He just got back from visiting his parents up North, so I didn’t think it was a big deal that he didn’t call me or send me an ecard for my birthday yesterday. He called me this morning and hung up. He called again a few hours later, informed me he drank yesterday, and proceeded to hang up again before answering my “why” question. Background info about the incident back in November: he kept calling me and telling me he drank but his sponsor was with him and everything was fine and hanging up only to call back and tell me the same thing over and over.
So I proceed to call him back and I get answering machine at home, and voicemail on the cell. I then called a mutual friend and asked her to call him, figuring that he wasn’t picking up because he recognized my number. He hung up on her too. I then called his Dad, explained the situation, and asked if he wanted me to go to his home. He thanked me for my concern but that his wife could handle it (I immediately thought “if she could, then why wasn’t she home with him?!”).
He does attend AA, so I decide to try that route. I wasn’t successful because I don’t know where his meetings are or the name of his sponsor. IMHO, they weren’t very helpful. So, I decided to call another mutual friend that he works with. She informed me she thought he was tipsy at work yesterday, but also thought he might have been tired from flying home. She has the AA info, but it’s at home and she’s at work. At this point we decide that even though it would probably violate his probation, we need to call the cops and have them check on him. Since she was at work, I said I would do it.
I called the cops, explained that he’s a recovering alcoholic and that he has been exhibiting behavior similar to his drinking behavior, and asked if they could check on him since several friends are concerned. They take my name and number, tell me they will check and get back with me. THREE HOURS LATER I called back only to be informed that when they went to his place they couldn’t get anyone to answer the door, so they left.
I’m out of options. He’s still not answering his phone (home or cell), and he’s not online. I’ve been texting him constantly to no avail too. I don’t think he’s trying to kill himself, but I’m afraid that he might accidentally drink himself to death or will get behind the wheel of a car and kill others and possibly himself.
What do I do?