How can you tell if a Canadian is from the Yukon?
He’s a husky fucker!
Why do lumberjacks in British Columbia start drinking at five in the afternoon?
So they’ll be in top form for the chainsaw fights at ten.
What’s a BC lumberjack’s favorite pickup line?
“I’m so horny, even the crack of dawn ain’t safe around me!”
What’s the leading youth organization in Thunder Bay, Ontario?
Alcoholics Anonymous.
Q. What is a pirate’s favorite gas station?
A. AAAARRR-CO!
Euro heaven and Euro hell:
In Euro heaven, the French are the cooks, the Italians are the lovers, the Germans are the engineers, the English are the police, and everything is organised by the Swiss.
In Euro hell, the English are the cooks, the Swiss are the lovers, the French are the engineers, the Germans are the police, and everything is organised by the Italians.
How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Open the refrigerator door, put the elephant in, close the refrigerator door.
How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
First, take out the elephant.
I heard this version:
In Euro heaven, the cooks are French, the cars are German, the police are English, and and the women are Italian.
In Euro hell, the cooks are English, the cars are French, the police are German, and the women are still Italian.
A Russian boy asks his grandfather, “Grandpa, is it true that in 1986 there was an accident at Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant?”
“Yes, there was,” answered Grandpa, and patted the lad’s head.
“Grandpa, is it true that it had absolutely no consequences?”
“Yes, absolutely,” answered Grandpa, patting the boy’s second head.
Noah called all the animals to a meeting. Which animal was not able to come?
The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall, with a very strange look on his face. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk, “What’s up?”
“He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn’t find the cough syrup,” the clerk explains. ”So I gave him a box of laxatives and told him to take it all at once.”
“Laxatives won’t cure a cough, you idiot,” the owner shouts angrily.
“Sure it will,” the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. “Look at him. He’s too afraid to cough.”
His wife. Noah was notoriously bad in bed…
The giraffe. He was stuck in the refrigerator.
Dr Livingston had to cross the Zambezi river, notoriously infested with man-eating crocodiles. How did he get across?
He took two sticks, and held them perpendicular to one another?
No, he just swam across the river. All the crocs were at the meeting with Noah!
One we told in the 70’s:
What symbol is at a Russian delicatessen?
The hammer and pickle.
I told this to my bird. She pecked me several times.
Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Jewish pickle
factory. For many years he had a powerful desire to
put his penis in the pickle slicer.
Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help
from the factory psychologist…
After six months, the therapist gave up.
He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he
would probably never have any peace of mind.
The next day he came home from work very early.
His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what
had happened.
Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put
his penis in the pickle slicer.
He went on to explain that today he finally
went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.
Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband.
She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts
only to find a normal, completely intact penis.
She looked up and said, “I don’t understand.
What about the pickle slicer?”
Yossel replied, “I think she got fired, too.”
An American goes on a business trip to Paris. A buddy highly recommends that while he’s there, he visit a particular restaurant that’s famous for its specialty dessert Pêche Poussay.
He finishes a sumptuous meal at the restaurant and then calls for dessert.
The maître d’ wheels out a cart with a silver platter and is joined at the American’s table by a gorgeous woman in a frilly French maid outfit.
He lifts the dome off the platter to reveal a luscious, perfectly ripe peach nesting in the center. With a flourish, he peels the skin off the peach. Then the woman lifts her skirt to reveal she’s got nothing on underneath.
With panache, the maître d’ takes a pair of tongs, grabs the peach, and rubs it liberally over the woman’s labia. He then puts the glistening fruit back on the platter. “Voilà!”
The American is entranced and reaches out to take a big bite of the peach. “Mmmmmmmmmmmm!”
“Non, non, non, m’sieur!” says the maître d’. “Not ze peach, ze poussay!”