But funny is still funny.
But not to worry…he’ll be Bach.
A cannibal went for a walk and he passed his brother.
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.
Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
“Olympic condoms?”, she blurts, “What makes them so special?”
“There are three colors”, he replies, “Gold, Silver and Bronze.”
“What color are you going to wear tonight?”, she asks cheekily.
“Gold of course”, says the man proudly.
The wife responds wryly, “Why don’t you wear Silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change.”
And often downright hilarious!
My thoughts exactly! 
And this one gets the silver medal! 
Billy Bob and Bubba are spending a lazy afternoon sitting out on the former’s front porch.
“Guess whut? Now ol’ crazy Loretta wants t’keep pigs in th’ house!”
“So? Why dontcha let her?”
“Can’t stand the smell!”
“Well, why not open th’ windows?”
“Whut?!? An’ let th’ chickens out?!?”
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
A backward poet writes inverse.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
From the “…walks into a bar…” thread
Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says “We don’t serve noble gases in here.” The Helium doesn’t react.
A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says “We don’t serve neutrinos in here.” The neutrino says “I was just passing through.”
Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar and doesn’t.
A higgs-boson walks into a church. The priest says “Higgs-bosons aren’t allowed in here.” The higgs-boson says “But without me, how can you have mass?”
Well, I thought they were funny…
Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whiskey & soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink. The minister replied in disgust, “Ma’am, I’d rather be savagely raped by an amazon whore than let liquor touch these lips!”
The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know there was a choice. I’ll have the same thing he’s having.”
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder?
he got a little behind in his work.
which animal has more lives than a cat?
A frog–because it croaks every night.
Did you hear about the woman who backed into an airplane propeller?
Disaster.
If a cat does that with such grace and aplom as to be awarded a momento by amazed onlookers, its a catastrophe.
A truck carrying thesauruses overturned. The bystanders were astonished, shocked, amazed…
And then there was the time the ship carrying red paint collided with the ship carrying blue paint. All the sailors were marooned.
What’s it called when cockatiels form a terrorist group?
The Tielyban!
What do Greeks eat on February 14th?
St Valentine’s Day moussaka.
What kind of meat do Catholic priests eat on Fridays?
Nun.
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. “It was dead.” She was informed. “How do you know?” she asked her pupil. “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently. “You did WHAT?!?” The teacher exclaimed in surprise. “You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Psssst!’ and it didn’t move.”
What do elephants use for tampons?
Sheep.
What do elephants use for vibrators?
Epileptics.
A floor contractor is hired to do a job for the zoo. He’s to start by putting a new floor in the wildebeast cage. The animal is still inside, so he puts the crate of tiles just outside the cage and goes off to get the zookeeper to move him so he can get to work. When he comes back with the zookeeper, the wildebeast is setting the last of the tiles in his cage, having reached through the bars to grab the tiles one at a time. “Wow!”, says the contractor, “That is one AMAZING animal!”
“Not really”, said the zookeeper, “He’s just a typical gnu, and tiler too!”