I took it to mean that the ethnic used his finger instead of a hankerchief.
That’s the second-most-self-referential joke I can think of.
For example…? 
Hmmm, I’m not sure if ‘set up’ was the right way to put that, but the sexual over tones (innuendo?) weren’t readily apparent. At least, not to me. 
Of course, I might be slightly ‘humor impaired’. 
I recall it being told told that the power goes out and it’s pitch black. That way it’s obvious that the masturbating nun can’t be seen by the other.
Letter From God
One day God was looking down on the earth and saw all the evil going on. He decided to send an angel down to check it out. So, he called on a female angel and sent her to earth for a time. When she returned, she told God that yes, it is bad on earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good.
Well, He thought for a moment and said maybe I had better send down a male angel, so I can get both points of view. God called a male angel and sent him to earth for a time. When the male angel returned, he went to God and told him that yes the earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good.
God said this was not good at all. He would send a letter to the 5% that were good and encourage them; to try and provide something to help them keep going.
Do you know what that letter said?
Oh, so you didn’t get one either?!
For adult education, nothing beats children.
I thought up one for the next time I’m with the right companions at a Chinese restaurant:
“‘You will become famous and will travel.’ Great, I get Anne Frank’s fortune cookie.”
It’s usually told as “where’s the soap”. That has several advantages: it’s grammatical, it puts the setting in shower stalls where the nuns presumably can’t see each other, and wet soap is more likely to be worn down by that activity than candles would be.
Why would anyone use a bar of soap as a dildo?
More to the point, HOW would anyone use a bar of soap as a dildo??? :eek:
I honestly believe only men think of using household objects as dildos.
A woman and a man get into a car accident, and it’s a bad one. Both cars are total losses, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “Wow! Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left. Fortunately, we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days.”
The man replied, “I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!”
The woman continued, “And look at this - here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.” Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man shakes his head, opens it and says, “You take the first drink,” then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately chugs half of it, puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The woman asks, “Aren’t you having any?” The man replies, “No. I think I will just wait for the police…”
What do you call vodka mixed with milk of magnesia?
A Phillips Screwdriver!
Girl I know vouches for the shower head.
That’s not a dildo, unless she’s using it differently from what I imagine.
Did you hear about two prisoners who escaped from jail and stole a shipment of Viagra?
The authorities are now looking for two hardened criminals.
Did you hear about the man who died from an overdose of Viagra?
They can’t get his casket closed.
A married doctor had an affair with his nurse and got her pregnant. Fearing his wife would find out, he gave the nurse a pile of money and asked her to flee the U.S. and go to Germany to wait out the pregnancy.
“But how can I tell you when the baby is born?” she asked. “I don’t dare call you at home.”
“Just send me a postcard with the word ‘sauerkraut’ on it,” said the doctor. “I’ll know what it means.”
Months later, the doctor’s wife called him at the office and told him he’d gotten a postcard with a message she did not understand. He said he’d look at it when he got home.
Later that day, he read the postcard"
“Sauerkraut, sauerkraut, sauerkraut–two with wieners, one without!”
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
“Quick,” said the woman to her lover, “hide in the closet!” She bundled him into the closet stark naked.
However, the husband soon became suspicious, and after a search of the bedroom, discovered the man in the closet. “Who are you?” insisted the husband.
“I’m an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,” said the exterminator.
“What are you doing in there?” the husband asked.
"I’m investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths, "explained the man.
“And just where are your clothes?” asked the husband.
The man looks down at himself and says, “Those bastards!"
My next door neighbor is using cat hair to needlepoint a colostomy cozy!
Being Cool
As a young helicopter crew chief, I was introduced to a new, younger, right seat (pilot). We were coming back to Fort Campbell, KY, from an uneventful milk run and the new pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, this being his first time approaching the field at night.
Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: “Guess who?”
The controller at that point switched off all the field lights and responded: “Guess where!”
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again…
A man had just died in a traffic accident. His wife, was very devoted, but known as an Olympic-level nag, was beside herself with grief. She decided to try to contact him through as seance. She first said:
- Is that you, Harry?
A familiar voice replied through the medium: Yes, my wife…
- You sound happy.
I am happy. Very happy.
- Happier than when you were here on earth?
Much, much happier…
- Heaven must be a beautiful place…
What? Who said anything about that? The medium? I’m not in heaven!
Just received in email and not checked for being a repeat here:
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I ended up with an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old.
In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I’d ever had a ‘Sportsman’s Double’?
'What’s that? I asked.
‘It’s a mother and daughter threesome,’ she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, ‘No, I haven’t.’
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, ‘tonight’s your lucky night’.
We went back to her place. We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs, “Hey Mom…you still awake?”
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It is better when you can tell it with a Scottish accent
A recruiting officer for the Scottish army is trying to convince a young man (McT) to sign up.
“I tell you McT you would love the army, we have something different going on every night. Take Mondays, on Mondays we hit the pubs and drink til dawn.”
“I’m not really a drinker” replies McT
“OK then, Tuesday we hit the gaming rooms and play cards and gamble till the wee hours. How’s that sound McT”
“I am not a gambler” replies McT
“While you have to like Wednesday, we hit the whorehouses. Can can enjoy beautiful women all night long all on the regiments tab. Now that gotta appeal to you boy”
“I’m not really into womanizing either” sighs McT.
“OK son, so you don’t drink, you don’t gamble and you don’t like women. What are you some kind of homosexual?”
“No sir, I am not homosexual” says McT
“OK” sighs the RO “So you won’t like staying at the barracks on Thursdays then”