What does 80 year old pussy taste like?
shrug Depends
(I am gonna pay for this big-time)
Why? How many 80-year-old women frequent the SDMB?
Excellent point. My mind is at rest. 
I first heard that joke told by Bobby Fischer, in one of a number of interviews he did on Philippine radio in, I guess, the early 2000’s (I listened to just the first couple, for the record). The timing of the joke was funny, because it was immediately preceded by Fischer’s apologizing for something he’d said in the first interview.
An attorney returned home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for his client, named Albert Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder that day at the stroke of midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed. As soon as he got through the door, his wife started in on him about, “What time of night do you call this? Where the hell have you been?” Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a very large whisky, and headed off to the bathroom for a long hot soak - pursued the whole way by his wife’s sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the wife answered - to be told that her husband’s client had been granted his stay of execution after all. Realizing at that moment what a day he must have had, she relented a bit and went upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband’s rear view as he bent naked over the bath cleaning the tub. “They’re not hanging Wright tonight,” she said, at which the attorney whirled round and screamed hysterically, “For the love of God woman, don’t you ever stop?”
A turtle is mugged by three snails. When asked by police to give a description of what happened, he replies, “I don’t know, it all happened so fast!”
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowthrower?
Give her a shovel.
Reminded by this, of one from the 1920s / 30s era, when journalists and their newspapers back home, routinely communicated by telegram. There was a particular newspaper editor who habitually infuriated staff in the field, by asking them trivial questions about the place where they were working, which he could easily have looked up back at base.
A reporter for the paper was on an assignment in a highly squalid and nasty Latin American banana republic. He was going through much anxiety, peril, and sheer difficulty and complication, trying to get an interview with the country’s feared and reclusive despot, General Fombombo. Just when he felt things couldn’t get any worse, he received a telegram from the editor: HOW OLD FOMBOMBO
QUERY
At this, the reporter’s patience finally snapped. He telegraphed back to the editor: OLD FOMBOMBO FINE HOW YOU QUERY
I’ve heard this joke as “HOW OLD CARY GRANT?” dozens of times.
There was a commercial for condoms on youtube just like this. It was his girlfriend (no indication of engaged) who was testing him. She was in the back seat of his car. He closed the glove compartment just in time and she didn’t catch on.
It’s an “oldie-but-goodie”, or “oldie-but-lousy”. All you need, is the unnecessary query to the harassed bod at the sharp end, “HOW OLD…?”
Ever hear “How Old is Anson?”
No – please enlighten us…
I’ll have to wait on that; it’s not in my edition of the Fireside Book of Baseball. Mea Culpa. :o
Died of Viagar Overdose…
Had to bury him 6 and a half feet deep…
Gave Viagra to my Lawyer… It just made him taller and gave him a stiff neck…
Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, “Man, after that workout, my elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.” “Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars… a lot cheaper than a doctor.” So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water, rub on some “Icy-Hot” (pharmacy), take an aspirin (pharmacy) and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks."
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.
That evening while soaking his arm, thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
-
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
-
Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
-
Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
-
Your wife is pregnant… with twins. And they are not yours. Get a lawyer. (Kiosk #2)
-
If you don’t stop playing with yourself, that tennis elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart
The 3 Stages of Man…
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus.
The last stage is he looks like Santa Claus.
When the Six-Day War in Israel started, the Jordanians found out they were running out of beer, which they had imported from Israel. They still had a few cases, so they sent one to an American chemical firm for analysis. Then they could make their own beer.
A week later the firm sent them a notice:
“We regret to inform you that your camel has hepatitis.”
A manager is faced with a very difficult decision; due to economic woes, he must let one of two very productive workers go.
He makes his decision to retain Jack, and goes to deliver the bad news to Shirley. He takes deep breath and begins his speech:
“Look Shirley, it’s like this; I have lay you or Jack off.”
“Why don’t you jack off…I have a headache.”
…
A lady is at a hardware store to buy a shelf. She picks one out with the assistance of a store emplyee. Trying to up the sale, the clerk asks her “Ma’am, do you wanna screw for the shelf?”
“No,” she says, “but I’ll blow you for that mirror.”
Joe, a high school teenager, gets his weekly allowance from his mother, and decides to go out and treat himself to some ice cream. Half an hour later, he returns home.
“So Joe, what did you do?” asks his mother.
Joe replies “I went out to the ice cream parlor and bought myself an ice cream.”
“Oh, that’s nice”, says his mother.
“What flavor did you get?”
Joe says “Strawberry.”
Joe’s mother explodes, “Strawberry?!? Why, you little liar! Go to your room and just wait until your father gets home!”
A few hours later, Joe’s father comes home. The mother says “You would not believe what Joe told me. He needs to be punished.”
Joe’s father says “OK, calm down. Joe, what happened?”
Joe says “Mom gave me my allowance, so I went out to the ice cream parlor and bought myself an ice cream. Then I came home, and mom asked me what flavor of ice cream I got. I told her, and she got really mad, she told me to go to my room and wait for you to get home.”
Dad says “Really? That sounds pretty unreasonable, you didn’t do anything wrong. You’re not in trouble. By the way, which flavor did you get?”
“Strawberry.”
“You little son of a bitch! How dare you lie to me? I’m so mad, I’m calling the cops!”
A few minutes later, the cops arrive. “OK, son, tell us your side of the story.”
Joe says “Mom gave me my allowance, so I went out to the ice cream parlor and bought myself an ice cream. Then I came home, and mom asked me what flavor of ice cream I got. I told her, and she got really mad! So when dad got home, I told him what happened, and he got so mad that he called you! Are you going to arrest me?”
The cops glared at Joe’s parents. “Sir, 911 is for serious emergencies only. We don’t have time to investigate petty complaints like these. Please do not waste out time like this. Another call like this and we’ll have to write you a ticket.”
“So I’m not in trouble?” asks Joe.
“No, son, you’re not in trouble. By the way, what flavor ice cream did you get?”
“Strawberry.”
“ON THE GROUND, NOW!!! Hands behind your head! Move it, scumbag!” The cops procede to taser the shit out of Joe.
Months later, Joe is in court. The judge asks “What is this case about?”
The defense attorney begins, “Your honor, my client is completely innocent. He got his allowance from his mother, proceded to the ice cream parlor, had ice cream, and returned home. Any reasonable person would conclude that this is a perfectly reasonable course of action for any young man. And yet, he was arrested, beaten, and tased by the arresting officers. We ask that all charges be dropped. Furthermore, we ask that charges be brought against the arresting officers.”
The judge asks the prosecution for his opening statement. “Your honor, the prosecution has no case. We request that the case be dismissed.”
The judge addresses Joe. “Son, the state apologizes for any inconvenience that this misunderstanding has caused. You are free to go.”
Joe smiles, gets up, and turns to leave the courthouse. The judge says “You’re a good boy. I like ice cream too. By the way, what flavor did you get.”
Joe mumbles “Strawberry.”
The judge suddenly glowers. “Boy, I could have you hanged for that! But rope is too good for you. I never, ever, want to see you again. You are to leave town, and never return. You disgust me. If you ever step foot in this town again, I will personally see to it that you get the death penalty.”
Completely dejected, Joe leaves the courthouse. As he crosses the street, he gets run over by a reckless driver and is killed.
And the moral of this story is:
Look both ways before crossing the street.